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Original poster

When people say "oh I don't have time for that.."

85 replies

DontThinkTwice1 · 14/06/2018 16:44

I'm doing something creative for a competition at the moment which takes a number of hours to do. I was telling some people at work and they said "oh really that's good, I don't have time to do things like that.." in a rather superior tone.

It sounds so condescending as though I must have such an empty life that I have time to do extra things like that. I have kids and a job and do all the usual running around with s family etc so it's not as though I'm sat doing nothing all day.

I often hear this phrase a lot though which is fine because I know people have full lives but I'm sure they do things I "don't " have time for too.

Or people say it when what they really mean is they don't have the inclination/don't want to do it/ it's not a priority etc.

One colleague goes to the gym for instance but I don't say to her "oh I don't have time for that, I do have time it's just I can't be bothered! Wink

So I wish people wouldn't act superior about what they don't have time for! People seem to find time to use Facebook/Twitter/Mumsnet/meds about online which is fine, but I wish they wouldn't make me feel like I must have f all to do in my life other than a creative project for a competition!

OP posts:
SaltyPeanut · 15/06/2018 13:33

I've had this all my life because I am extremely "crafty" and love mastering new things.

I most often take it to mean "oooh, wish I could do that but I can't be arsed to learn and cough up for materials and tools".

I too have come across the occasional truly condescending type like you have though and just think they are overwhelmed with their own sense of self importance. Look at MEEEE, I AM SOOOO BUSY and my time is so much more important than anybody elses. Fuck what they think.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/06/2018 13:34

When it's in a condescending tone, of course it's rude.
But yes, it does mean in general they don't want to do something. If you have a full time job and children, there are things you physically can't find the time for.

I don't have time for something translate as I can't be bothered to waste my time doing it.

If people genuinely ask how you find the time, it means they are disorganised and a bit envious that you are not. When a friend of mine with young children, a job, was training for a triathlon and doing some uni course, I was genuinely puzzled, and still am! There was nothing negative about it, I just want the secret.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 15/06/2018 13:34

I do find it can be six of one, half a dozen to the other, sometimes when someone is showing off what they do and insisting that 'you could do this'!

This is just as weird.

If someone likes to bake or run marathons or do complicated cross stitch projects, and they talk about it to me, I'm not going to think that they're looking down on me for not doing these things. Unless they make some really pointed remark, which none of them ever has.

Similarly, if I tell someone that I've been practising for my hobby for an upcoming event and they say they wouldn't have time for that, I'm not going to think that they're looking down on me for doing it. Unless they make some really pointed remark, which none of them ever has.

This thread is really illuminating. It would never have occurred to me that either of these things could be offensive. If you'd told me they were, I'd have had to ask you why because I would never have made this thought process on my own. I like baking. I like running marathons. I'm a busy person. I can't see anything offensive in any of these statements.

Thanks, MN, you always shine a light into the recesses I never even knew bloody existed.

IrmaFayLear · 15/06/2018 13:40

It is often said as a put-down. Nearly everyone has time for something, they just don't choose to do it.

If someone was telling me about their weekly round of golf, it would be most rude of me to say, "I don't have to time to play golf." I'm sure I could find time to fit in the odd round occasionally, but I would rather chop my limbs off with a driving iron (?!), but people seem to think it's fair game to say, "Oh, I don't have time to read." Why is it that to say you like reading provokes such mealy-mouthedness in others?

Openup41 · 15/06/2018 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

GuestWW · 15/06/2018 13:41

I am one of those busy people - I just like my life that way, packed full. If I want to do something I find the time for it, like the others said it's about priorities.

Good luck in the competition :-)

AynRandTheObjectivist · 15/06/2018 13:43

Why is it that to say you like reading provokes such mealy-mouthedness in others?

Does it really?

I swear I inhabit a different universe.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 15/06/2018 13:44

Hm. A friend of mine recently asked if I was interested in joining a class. I said I'd love to but really didn't have the time as I work, have a young family and already do other classes and there just isn't a free evening. She said, "That's a shame, maybe in the future when the kids are a bit older." I said, "Yes, that would be nice."

Now I'm worried that I was actually intolerably rude.

(Ha, no I'm not. I'm not completely barking.)

AynRandTheObjectivist · 15/06/2018 13:47

I don't have time for something translate as I can't be bothered to waste my time doing it.

You infer something so rude and combative? How about it translates to "We all have different things that interest us and this one just doesn't turn me on enough, personally"?

ReggaetonLente · 15/06/2018 13:47

I get this all the time from a woman at work. Completely agree that it’s condescending and superior.

She’s worst about me going to the gym - ‘oh wow, I just couldn’t even imagine having the time to go to all these classes’ etc.

In my nastier moments I think to myself that she seems to have ample time to sit on the sofa eating biscuits...

IrmaFayLear · 15/06/2018 13:49

Well, obviously the evening class example is fine.

It's the "Did you watch Poldark?" and the reply is, "Oh, no, I don't have time to watch television." Which at a stroke puts you down as some couch potato and elevates them to someone enjoying higher pursuits. A politer response would be, "No, is it good? I must catch up with it but I'm out on Sunday evenings."

murmuration · 15/06/2018 13:50

Hmm. Interesting. I rarely get this - I get more "where do you find the time" - sometimes it seems an honest question, like they'd actually like to know, and others perhaps more the superior attitude here, but sometimes it seems a bit of "wow, you can do that" instead. The few times I get "I don't have the time" it often sounds more despairing than condescending and then we commiserate on the things we want to do that we're not. Or maybe I'm just missing all the subtext. I do that a lot.

ReggaetonLente · 15/06/2018 13:50

A friend of mine recently asked if I was interested in joining a class. I said I'd love to but really didn't have the time as I work, have a young family and already do other classes and there just isn't a free evening.

I don’t think that’s rude at all, it’s understandable, and you explained nicely! I think what I and PP are referring to is the kind of superior ‘I simply don’t have the time to waste on such inferior pursuits because I’m soooooooooo busy and soooooooooo important’ crap that some people come out with.

SoapOnARoap · 15/06/2018 13:50

It’s all about priorities.

Some people wouldn’t have the time to exercise however, find time to watch back to back soap operas all week.

I’d ignore them op

Blueisland · 15/06/2018 13:51

Oh dear, I could be one of those people! I wouldn't mean anything unkind by saying it, though. In fact, what I would really mean when I say I don't have time is that I don't have energy. I could probably find the time to do lots of extra things but I'm too knackered!

Skarossinkplunger · 15/06/2018 13:53

I literally don’t have time for anything. I’m out of the house from 7am-7pm, I come
in, walk the dogs, cook, eat then bed. So I wouldn’t be being patronising just truthful.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/06/2018 13:55

AynRandTheObjectivist both things mean the same way, one is just formulated in a more friendly way Grin

Heatherjayne1972 · 15/06/2018 13:55

Oh op I get this all the time at work
Me ‘are you flossing?’
Patient ‘I haven’t got time ‘
It’s frustrating because I am a single mother of three with two jobs with all that entails ie getting them breakfast club / holiday club/ activities / play dates etc plus cooking housework etc
And I still manage to floss!!

I suspect that for most people its just not a priority

museumum · 15/06/2018 13:56

Oh I don’t have time to own dogs

See what I did there?

IrmaFayLear · 15/06/2018 13:56

I think we all know who intends to be rude and who does not.

I know someone who is spending a year going round the world. If I said, "Oh, I don't have time to do that" it's absolutely true! But saying you don't have time to read, watch television, bake a cake etc etc is patently crap. You'd just prefer to do something else.

It really grates on me this "time" and "busy" thing. I can't say I've met a single person in life who had no free time at all.

Yokohamajojo · 15/06/2018 13:57

Oh and the frase, oh lucky for some! if you have done something! I don't get it, yes I guess I am lucky to do that but I am sure you could be as lucky as me or do other things that are nice!

DuchyDuke · 15/06/2018 13:57

@skaros - I have a 4 hour daily commute to / from work, am out from 6am - 8pm, but still find time to cook and bake and do the things I enjoy. People are right in that you have to make time for yourself.

halfwitpicker · 15/06/2018 13:58

People choose how they spend their time.

Iggi999 · 15/06/2018 14:01

Some people say it in a sneering way but lots of people - especially women, let's face it, with the lion's share of domestic responsibilities - are stressed out and struggling and the thought of doing anything complicated with the free time they get is too much. Netflix is easy, after all, and can fit into slots of time!
Sometimes we don't have the energy to invest in ourselves, yet mostly we will feel the better for doing so.

Mammalamb · 15/06/2018 14:06

This thread is so judge: and ain’t nobody got time for that

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