Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To delay DS's therapy until after summer?

62 replies

BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 08:05

Trying to organise the required lots of therapy for the coming year, I've been given a timetable and asked to say when we are free. All hypothetical because one is dependent on the other!

He has speech therapy once a week during term time.
He had physio once a week for 6 months, this has now dropped to once every two weeks.
I need to organise occupational therapy for him and they want to have it once a week.

Can't be on the same day as physio as he would be too exhausted to benefit. Not sure about it being after speech therapy for the same reason. We travel everywhere by public transport so a 45 minute speech therapy takes 1.5 hours and 45 minutes physio takes 2.5 hours. Younger DD has to tag along to everything and does so mainly without complaint but it means that she can't do activities or meet with friends which is beginning to bother her as the others in her class are now meeting up after school etc. Other three days are a no-go because I work.

If they can't give him a session which is convenient for me i.e. coincides with the bus timetable and physio (i.e. alternate weeks) and not right in the middle of the afternoon would it be totally unreasonable of me to refuse to consider it until after the October half term because of the weather or insist on waiting until a convenient slot comes up?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 14/06/2018 08:08

Will a delay affect the eventual outcome? Could they come to you?

Loopytiles · 14/06/2018 08:10

I think it’d be unreasonable to delay it, and it’s unlikely that future appointment options will be convenient anyway.

Purplestorm83 · 14/06/2018 08:14

If you refuse the appointments that are offered, would they give you new ones? There may be a risk you could be deprioritised.

Sirzy · 14/06/2018 08:17

I presume wanting this level of choice it’s not nhs therapy?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/06/2018 08:18

I’d consider delaying appointments for a month so that you can all have a break from what sounds like a slog, but October sounds too long.

Is it money that has you on the bus? Or lack of a driving licence? Have you applied for DLA for him?

greenlynx · 14/06/2018 08:23

Waiting for convenient slot can take forever. I would take available options, and then try to do some changes here and there, if possible. Could your DD stay/go to an activity with her friend during the therapy appointment and you reciprocate over weekend/holidays?

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 08:26

I'm pretty sure they don't do home visits, it wasn't mentioned.

I don't know if a delay will affect the eventual outcome, or even if it will have any great benefit.

Honestly don't know what would happen if I asked to delay it. We've been on the list for 5 months now and the are now "in the system". She is going to alter the date on the referral letter as it's no longer valid Hmm He had his assessment last week and we are meeting next week to discuss possible times and to get some exercises for him to do over the summer holidays.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 14/06/2018 08:28

It would not be unreasonable to delay. Each therapy probably has home practise. You will be overwhelmed with 3 appointments and 3 things to practise. Ask them if you can work something out e.g. SLT and OT after each other or even a joint session or OT fortnightly when you don't have physio or just delay the one that is currently least priority. You and DS will get more out of it if you aren't overwhelmed/exhausted. Where I work we would do our best to accommodate you and certainly wouldn't penalise you for waiting for the right time.

MissCharleyP · 14/06/2018 08:32

I used to have physio (NHS) on my shoulder and had to alter one appointment as I had a work thing I had to be at. I got a letter confirming the change and new appointment with a warning that if I cancelled again I’d go back to the bottom of the waiting list.

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 08:34

We have only one car and DH usually has it to go to work. On the days he doesn't then it's a bonus as our travel time is cut quite significantly, but I can't rely on having it so need everything to fit in with the bus timetable. Also if I have a conference, I need to ensure that MIL could get the kids there and she doesn't drive.

DH won't have kids over at weekends as it's family time and I should do all that sort of stuff during the week. I feel hideously guilty asking around for DD to go on play dates when I can't reciprocate. But it's not really fair or fun on her when she has to travel with us and sit around (alone at physio) for ages in corridors.

Joint session is not possible, they are all at different places spread out over the city, would need half an hour to get from SLT to OT.

OP posts:
greenlynx · 14/06/2018 08:37

If you delay until October there is always a risk that they will forget about you.
Also very often physio and occupational therapy work like this: Referall, assessment, than 6 months for a few follow up appointments while you do exercises with DC at home and then discharge. They don't want people staying on their books "forever". It's my experience but yours might be different. It's obviously depends on the age of he child, nature of the problem and how long is waiting list.

NoSquirrels · 14/06/2018 08:38

I think your DH needs to arrange different transport to work. And stop being obstructive about having weekend play dates.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/06/2018 08:43

DH is being selfish about play dates. Possibly about the car too. Is there an option for you to take him to a train/bus station? Potentially DLA could fund taxis/another car.

greenlynx · 14/06/2018 08:45

Do they offer appointments only at one place? Sometimes therapist do sessions not only at hospital but at Children centres or local special school. Could it be an option for you?
Do they offer Saturday appointments if it's easier? Our local hospital started to do this for some services.
I don't know if your child has EHCP or something similar and how old is he, but it's absolutely appropriate to raise your concern about how all this affects your DD and her social life.

Sirzy · 14/06/2018 08:49

Our Ot and physio also often do things which compliment each other, even doing joint assessments often so I would be careful of removing that possibility if needed.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 14/06/2018 08:55

Crikey, I would bite their hand off to be offered any OT, let alone weekly!

Does your DS get the mobility component of DLA? If he does, have you considered getting a mobility car on it, so at least the travel is less of an issue?

And your DH is being an arse about play dates.

Hissy · 14/06/2018 09:00

My oh my your H has it good eh?
Not one for being inconvenienced at all eh? Even at the expense of his children...

Does he have the first inkling if what this selfish behaviour does to a marriage? How the resentment, once it seeps in, is impossible to shift?

How exactly does his behaviour affect his sex life for example? After running around all week, cramming things in left right and centre, how much energy do you have to dig deep and invest in someone who couldn’t spare a moment’s consideration for you?

Get onto DLA, get yourself a car and start setting your own calendar! Kids socialise mostly on weekends once schools etc are in the mix.

I have zero respect for your h. It would be bloody easy for him to help make your life just that little bit easier, but he chooses not to.

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 09:04

DS is 8. He has had weekly physio for 6 months and fortnightly for 6 months, exercises to do every day at home and this is likely to continue for the foreseeable future. He has had weekly SLT for 2 years and this will continue for at least the next school year. It was suggested at his last overall assessment in Feb that we look into OT. He has been allocated 9 sessions, I don't know if this will be repeated.
No Saturday appointments, OT and SLT are only during official school days which means I'm restricted by both DS and DD's lesson plans.

Physio recommended an OT to go to but they are completely separate and do not work with each other. The OT where Physio is only works with adult patients who have e.g. had strokes, not with children. There is no physio associated with the OT and they have said they will focus more on activities which won't be covered in physio.

DH leaves me the car as often as he can, but he is ill at the moment so he needs it. He doesn't have any direct public transport to where he works. It also wouldn't help on the days MIL watches the DC, so I do need it all to be possible by buses even if it isn't terribly practical.

Physio have reserved our time slot indefinitely because it fits best with our bus. Maybe I'm a bit spoilt with that so my expectations are too high!

OP posts:
littleducks · 14/06/2018 09:09

I would discuss with the therapists involved. It may be possible for him to have SLT in school for example.

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 09:26

It is the school SLT. It's just that our actual school is too small to have a SLT so he has to go to the affiliated school in the next town.

OP posts:
Yokatsu · 14/06/2018 09:31

Does he have an EHCP? That amount of therapy needs to be integrated in and around the school day, therefore it should be part of an EHCP.

Allthewaves · 14/06/2018 09:32

Have you looked into getting a cheap second hand car? Would be entitlitled to DLA for your son? That could help with funding a car to get to his appointments?

Loopytiles · 14/06/2018 09:33

Your H is being U about weekend playdates, particularly when you too WoH and DS has health needs entailing appointments and help at home. It’s not just up to him to decide.

MuddyForestWalks · 14/06/2018 09:37

I have no advice. Just Brew and sympathy. Its a bloody full time job in itself, having a DC with additional needs.

I do agree that a second car would help. Would he qualify for DLA or a motability car? Then if you're not shelling out for buses all the time you have some cash so MIL can get a taxi when she helps out. That's a longer term idea though.

EffRam · 14/06/2018 09:40

I would explain the predicament to them. I'm an SLT in the NHS, and would be completely flexible with appointments as I can see how much of a strain it is on a family - exhausting for you and your DS, and the impact on your DD too! I have in the past been happy to defer starting blocks with families when they have loads of other stuff going on. Doesn't remove them from my waiting list, they stay on my caseload. I would usually meet for the assessment and maybe one other appt to give things to work on in the meantime and we would have an agreed slot to either check in by phone or we would just book them in for October. TBH I would like doing that as my diary would be clear and easier to book!

Is there any chance of joint OT/physio or OT/SLT appts? We would often plan together and do say a 1hr15 session so a bit longer but working together on each of our goals to save the family travel costs/time. Or echo a pp who suggested seeing if they offer community appts at children centre etc nearer your home?

Good luck!

Swipe left for the next trending thread