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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To delay DS's therapy until after summer?

62 replies

BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 08:05

Trying to organise the required lots of therapy for the coming year, I've been given a timetable and asked to say when we are free. All hypothetical because one is dependent on the other!

He has speech therapy once a week during term time.
He had physio once a week for 6 months, this has now dropped to once every two weeks.
I need to organise occupational therapy for him and they want to have it once a week.

Can't be on the same day as physio as he would be too exhausted to benefit. Not sure about it being after speech therapy for the same reason. We travel everywhere by public transport so a 45 minute speech therapy takes 1.5 hours and 45 minutes physio takes 2.5 hours. Younger DD has to tag along to everything and does so mainly without complaint but it means that she can't do activities or meet with friends which is beginning to bother her as the others in her class are now meeting up after school etc. Other three days are a no-go because I work.

If they can't give him a session which is convenient for me i.e. coincides with the bus timetable and physio (i.e. alternate weeks) and not right in the middle of the afternoon would it be totally unreasonable of me to refuse to consider it until after the October half term because of the weather or insist on waiting until a convenient slot comes up?

OP posts:
jay55 · 14/06/2018 09:48

Could you drive your husband to work on appointment days so you have the car?

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 10:02

jay55 No. Just no! And I'm not even going to suggest it, he might think it's a good idea. He often leaves at 530!!

OP posts:
littleducks · 14/06/2018 10:04

I would push for SLT to be in his school.

LadysFingers · 14/06/2018 10:05

Unfortunately, when you have a child with SEN, being unable to reciprocate favours from other parents re DD, because of the sheer amount goes with the territory.

Has DH got his head in the sand about DS' SEN? There can be an attitude that there is no point ed psy, etc giving input to children, whose parents don't give the extra input required. So, DH needs to pull his finger out, because it sounds like "family time" is an excuse for him, not to do the hard work of looking after his own children by himself!

We had three DC, one of whom had SLT, OT, physio, consultant paediatrician, advisory teacher, ed psy and CAMHS input from age 4. DH had to step upto the plate at weekends, sometimes while I gave 1:1 to any of the three or vice versa!

LIZS · 14/06/2018 10:06

Could you start one now then introduce the next one in Autumn so you have less overlap and stress initially.

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 10:09

That amount of therapy needs to be integrated in and around the school day That's what I'm trying to do! Whilst minimising the impact it has on my other child. There is nothing closer to my home. There is nothing in our village. Only primary school, no doctors, no post office, no shop literally a primary school and a hairdresser's. Everything else we need to go into the neighbouring town for.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 10:13

I would push for SLT to be in his school.

How? There is no SLT in our school. It all goes through the affiliated, larger school in the next town. We don't even have a full-time headmaster, he works twice a week alongside his other job.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 10:14

LadysFingers Did people mind? Did you eventually run out of goodwill from the other parents? Has it affected your other DC and their friendships?

OP posts:
bigKiteFlying · 14/06/2018 10:19

I would talk to the staff involved - explain the situation and ask what implications are if you try and delay - what flexablity they have to offer.

Otherwise the other child might have to wait for a bit till your in a position to do activities and playdates. Though your DH being a bit more flexible there would help - if not playdates then an activity for a few hours one day at the weekend.

greenlynx · 14/06/2018 10:22

It looks like the only possible option for you is to put time only when you are free and wait for their response. You might be lucky! They could offer SLT and occupational therapy at the same day if it's appropriate but the final choice would be yours.
I feel for you, juggling all these appointments is a tricky situation.
I struggle with this myself sometimes and my DD is the only child! I've noticed that after school appointments are very popular and also some therapists don't work every day which makes planning very complicated.

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 10:26

I'm feeling terribly guilty at the moment because I finally managed to organise a friend over for DD yesterday, then fell and twisted my knee on Monday which meant that we couldn't run for the bus after his therapy (it's tight, but doable if we run) so I had to cancel as we then didn't have another bus for an hour. And it's like that whenever I can make arrangements for DD, they are all contingent on us catching the bus so it's a bit impractical for the other parents too.

OP posts:
Ariela · 14/06/2018 10:27

Do ask all your daughter's friends mothers if they are able to help at all with play dates - I'm sure they won't mind and would volunteer to help out if they knew. I used to take a child after school & for tea so her brother with physical difficulties could go to physio which was some way away, and was happy to help.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 14/06/2018 10:35

You really, really need to get a second car. And book some weekend play dates for dd. She will start to feel second best, although through no fault of your intentional doing, just through circumstance. But she will feel it.

Longtalljosie · 14/06/2018 10:36

I think you'd benefit from moving this thread to special needs.

I think if you stopped his speech therapy and OT he would go backwards in the holidays. I also think your DS's teachers would rightly be frustrated if you did this. You don't need me to tell you it's like spinning plates. I also get that it's stressful and hideous. I'm sure people with NT children will be along in a minute to say how important it is to get a break but if they do, they don't get it.

Your DH may be ill but he's also being really unreasonable about the weekends. You can't do everything.

Can you drop your DH to work in the car (with kids in PJs) and then have the car for use on therapy days?

I know it's not fair on your youngest. iPad, headphones and a large ice cream afterwards is the best I can suggest. And if you can afford it, perhaps a local teenager would like to earn some money babysitting, either at home or in a nearby park?

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 10:37

I kind of think I should be saving those kind of favours for times when I have a real emergency rather than a routine appointment. Like if one of the DC has an accident or if my train home is delayed for some reason.

OP posts:
Cliveybaby · 14/06/2018 10:38

If you explain it to them they might not mind.
If you just never reciprocate they'll think you're a CF, but if you explain why it'd probably be fine!

LadysFingers · 14/06/2018 10:42

I don't think other parents minded, but I felt conscious of it! However, as I said, DH just had to do half the cooking, food shopping, housework and childcare at weekends. DH used to take DC to football training and the matches, so he got the 1:1 at weekends. We arranged gym, badminton or whatever she wanted, for the other DD at the leisure centre at weekends, so she had her own hobbies.

As for the other siblings, yes they did mind, although the biggest bone of contention was there was one set of rules for them, and another set for DD! We just said, each gets treated according to their needs, not what is the same for all of them!

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 10:44

Can you drop your DH to work in the car (with kids in PJs) and then have the car for use on therapy days?

No, I really, really can't do that to DD. She needs her sleep and it would be awful for her to be woken at 515 to be put in the car. She also gets car sick. She would be absolutely exhausted for school.

iPad, headphones and a large ice cream afterwards is the best I can suggest Yes, this is my standard procedure!

OP posts:
SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 14/06/2018 11:00

It definitely sounds as if you need a second car. I’m guessing that if your DS is getting this amount of physio and OT, he’s entitled to the mobility component of DLA. Is there any reason you can’t get a car or at least use the money for taxis?

elliejjtiny · 14/06/2018 11:16

I had a similar situation with my older 2 boys when they were younger. I ended up booking in 1 day a week in my diary where there would be no appointments and I would take them to toddler group, soft play or the park. Some therapists didn't like it but most understood. I also divided all appointments into 3 categories, urgent, important and box ticking. Urgent appointments were top priority, important ones were next and box ticking ones would get fitted in when it was convenient.

Knittedfairies · 14/06/2018 11:34

At one point in my life I seemed to spend half of it on the ring road, driving my son to physio, SLT, or OT. It was bad enough with a car, but bus/taxi was worse. I can’t see any easy solution to your problem OP, but is a doubling up of appointments completely out of the question?

MatildaTheCat · 14/06/2018 12:37

Have you looked into the local volunteer service? My parents both regularly took people to hospital/ medical appointments under their local volunteering agency. Might be worth enquiringly. Your current position sounds almost impossible for you.

Original poster
BeginningToWobble · 14/06/2018 12:51

It's not impossible. It just seems like it is! I think the planning and trying to organize it is worse than actually having the appointments and getting on with it and getting it done. I will admit to being in pain and not in the best frame of mind for sorting it all right now so it all seems too much to process. I need to be at the OT and Physio appointments so that I know what exercises he needs to do at home so that wouldn't work MatildaTheCat. We had planned stuff for DD to do at the weekend but that got cancelled when DH ended up in emergency doctors. Mummy guilt is kicking in and she's feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything.

Second car is not possible for several reasons. We did look into it last year.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 14/06/2018 12:53

Can one or even better both of you drop a day at work to give more time to fit everything in?

Lovemusic33 · 14/06/2018 12:58

We had years of this with 2 dc’s, it got to the point where I asked for a 6 week break during the summer holidays as we were all exhausted. We did managed to combine physio with OT (both therapists working together during an appointment) but found it stressful on the dc’s.

Now the dc’s are older we get no therapy at all and they have been discharged, I feel some of the appointments were a total waste of time as things have not improved for my dc’s by having these appointments. My dc2 is now at a sn school so gets all her OT and SALT there, it’s less stressful and we don’t have weekly appointments during school holidays. The only appointments we have is from orthotics.