To want the school to keep DS safe

[GenedlGymreig]

DS is in year 1 and a generally very happy and sporty boy. Unfortunately there a 4 boys in his class who physically assault him on a fairly regular basis. On a roughly weekly basis he will tell us that one of them punched him in the face and made him cry. It seems the 4 boys are not working in a team but each have their own behaviour problems.

One of them, boy A, was clearly bullying DS and eventually we managed to persuade the school to talk to his parents which seems to have stopped the physical assaults. Boy A has carried on being verbally mean however.

Boy B is cleverer and is careful to only assault DS when the observant teacher is not working. (The teachers are often part time.) He seems to have a personal grudge against DS. My guess is that it is because DS is very good at sport and he wants to be the best.

Boy C’s mother was overheard recently lamenting that the school won’t help her get a certificate of special needs for her son. Boy C appears to assault lots of children and gets sent to the head regularly.

Boy D attacks DS less frequently and it doesn’t seem to be personal. He also punches DS in the face and makes him cry.

I would just like DS to be able to go to school without fear of being attacked. Every day I pick him up I have to ask if he has been attacked that day,

I can see the problem is hard for the school. I have a meeting today
with one of the class teachers but I can't work out what I can say to them. But AIBU to want them to do something to keep DS safe?

A woman stuck in an abusive relationship doesn't have "bad luck"

It is also not "Terrible luck" if a child is assaulted for taking part in activities at school.

You sound like a complete idiot!

NewName54321 great advice

I’ve had similar. I did the following

Spoke with class teacher.

Escalated to HT
Emailed HT every time there was an incident, made it clear I was creating a record
Got behaviour plan agreed with all parties, with consequences for specific actions

Things improved a bit but it required careful ‘management’ of the HT. kept it totally factual, did not refer to the other child or made demands about action in respect of them, just lots of ‘what can we do to sort this/keep DS safe’

With hindsight, I wish I’d told DS to thump the other boy months ago. Telling him to walk away and not retaliate has given him a bit of a victim mentality. So my advice to him now is to punch him hard if it happens again and we’ll deal with the HT. This goes against everything I believe in but I think it’s the fastest way to sort it. The school just pussyfoots around.

Interesting to see lots of comments saying they did xyz and it never happened again. I wonder how in this situation it could be resolved? 4 separate, very violent/aggressive children. Apart from keeping them segregated from every other child, what can practically be done?

So....the OP has had one meeting about a specific child, which stopped the physical incidents, but hasn’t had any further meetings with the teacher.

And people are suggesting ofsted and moving schools.

Relying on a child reporting incidents - particularly if your DC is like mine, quite bouncy and shakes stuff off quickly, so teacher wouldn’t know if s/he wasn’t told- is daft. If you genuinely think these incidents are serious, over and above playground rough and tumble, then talk to the teacher. Have a meeting, then at that meeting, once a plan is agreed, arrange another meeting for maybe 3 weeks, to review progress.

I think what it says about me is I'm willing to admit I make the mistake loads of parents do! Thinking there child is brilliant at everything and encouraging them to be great but forgetting to couch them to be humble and kind first. However, I am able to look at a situation with perspective and think what I have done wrong and make steps to change that.

If I'd of carried on being blinded to this he might be getting bullied now because the kids would be sick to death of his constant showing off.

I made a mistake, I'm not a perfect parent. I just loved him and thought he was great. He was great but he's better know he doesn't think he's better than everyone else and that's all that matters.

smile That happens on almost every school thread. The good thing is if you gloss over the 'be fuming. Go nuclear' type of advice then on most threads there's also a reasonable amount of great advice on how to practically resolve the situation

I had the meeting with the class teacher and someone who seemed to have written the school anti bullying policy. They were kind and sympathetic but talked only in generalities and largely to each other about how they could teach children in the school to work better in a team. At the end I insisted they follow their own procedures and they are going to call the parents of boys A-C into school to talk to them. I arranged a follow up in 2 weeks. I regard this as a success if they really do it.

To those who asked if DS gloats over other children when he beats them in a race or sport, the answer is no. He has never to my knowledge gloated over anybody or anything.

Lots of the comments in this thread have been really kind and helpful. A small number seem to have slipped very close to the equivalent of "She had it coming." or "She was asking for it." but I will put those down to Russian Fake News bots and ignore them :)

That's positive OP. It might be good to email to confirm what you've agreed and ask to book in that meeting in a fortnight's time. Not only does it show you mean business, it gives you a paper trail and it also means in a fortnight you can't be fobbed off that people are too busy to see you.

Honestly, even if your child had gloated and been ghe most annoying child in the playground, it would not excuse the assualts on him

Well done OP.

In reply to some other suggestions....DS is in fact already taking martial arts classes but I don't think that's any sort of short term solution. He is only 6 and it takes years until you can actually defend yourself and that's assuming boys A-D don't take the same classes as you!

MaisyPops It's already in the diaries! I made sure to book in the time before I left the meeting.

Thank you.

Amazing OP. Really glad you've got a way forward.

Fenwickdream,
don't make the mistake of assuming all parents who have a child who is being picked on have made the same mistake as you and this must be the reason their child is being targeted. Most of the time children are bullied for no reason, and no situation at home gives another child the right to bully, mentally or physically.

I agree OP martial arts will do no good in this situation. Being able to defend yourself doesn't stop someone attacking you.

how they could teach children in the school to work better in a team

This is a positive suggestion, so don't dismissing it.

A child being bullied feels worst if others have witnessed it and don't say anything or help (look up bystanders) Children in the playground are the first defence. It needs to be encourage.

GreenTulips I like your interpretation that they might stand up to bullies but that isn't what they meant. They meant how to play football (or other team sports) without getting into fights with each other. This is also a perfectly laudable goal but I wanted bring them round to what was happening to DS.

There is a time and a place for those types of chats though (but it should be once the major issuea are sorted).

I always find it bizarre how it's increasingly common for parents to call school wanting all seating plans changed because Emily and Natasha have fallen out (but will be friends by Wednesday) or class changes because someone said something on snapchat. In those situations, it's more than appropriate to talk to students about how to exist and cooperate without having to be mates.

Of course they are bullying little thugs, that's exactly what they are