To want the school to keep DS safe

[GenedlGymreig]

DS is in year 1 and a generally very happy and sporty boy. Unfortunately there a 4 boys in his class who physically assault him on a fairly regular basis. On a roughly weekly basis he will tell us that one of them punched him in the face and made him cry. It seems the 4 boys are not working in a team but each have their own behaviour problems.

One of them, boy A, was clearly bullying DS and eventually we managed to persuade the school to talk to his parents which seems to have stopped the physical assaults. Boy A has carried on being verbally mean however.

Boy B is cleverer and is careful to only assault DS when the observant teacher is not working. (The teachers are often part time.) He seems to have a personal grudge against DS. My guess is that it is because DS is very good at sport and he wants to be the best.

Boy C’s mother was overheard recently lamenting that the school won’t help her get a certificate of special needs for her son. Boy C appears to assault lots of children and gets sent to the head regularly.

Boy D attacks DS less frequently and it doesn’t seem to be personal. He also punches DS in the face and makes him cry.

I would just like DS to be able to go to school without fear of being attacked. Every day I pick him up I have to ask if he has been attacked that day,

I can see the problem is hard for the school. I have a meeting today
with one of the class teachers but I can't work out what I can say to them. But AIBU to want them to do something to keep DS safe?

In your conversation today I would ask if all these events are recorded and managed in line with their own behaviour policy (ask for a copy of that if you've not seen it). Schools normally take very seriously physical assaults and there is no way that a punch in the face is not considered to be that. I would reiterate that it's having an impact on your son.

I would express that you feel they have a duty of care and ask what their plans are. I would follow up the discussion with an email, and I'd probably cc the head.

As a previous poster said I'd send a short factual email every time your son tells you that something like this has happened. Of course they won't see everything and they would need to investigate (I'm not suggesting your ds is lying at all, just that they can't take it at face value) and you suggest a meeting in 3 weeks to review?

Everything goes nuclear on MN school threads. By page 2 we'll have someone saying go to Ofsted

Bingo, I just did. Children who are routinely violent at school have no place in mainstream.

It's become almost impossible to exclude children no matter how violent their behaviour. Keep on at the school. Your son deserves to be safe.

Stick to facts

DS says
DS thinks
DS tells me

Ask for a copy of the behaviour policy
Ask that every incident is recorded
Ask for the complaints policy

They have a duty of care or use the word safeguarding towards all pupils

They're 5-yr-olds. I'd be surprised if it was about your DS being best at sport. But their motivation is irrelevant so don't get bogged down in trying to explain or justify it.
Keep a diary of incidents. Write down all the past incidents you can remember. Then ask for a meeting with the HT.
I know a PP said you shouldn't escalate but when you asked the teacher to manage the bullying issue, it simply shifted from physical to verbal bullying from that DC. Plus, if it's a class resource issue (whether waiting for statements or needing more supervision in the playground, etc) then the HT is best placed to manage it.

Wait a moment here. We are talking about what, 5 or 6 year old CHILDREN here. It’s not bullying and assault. It’s children who have not been taught appropriate social interactions and rules or are unable or unwilling to follow them.
Yes op your son should be safe at school, but you seem to be catastrophising a little here- being dramatic in the use of your words and asking him every day if he has been assaulted!
Ask for a meeting with your infant head teacher and the class teacher and ask what steps are in place to work with these children to keep everyone safe.
Forget the sports issue as it’s highly unlikely to have anything to do with it at this age unless your son is a show off winner and winds up others by saying “I’m the best” or “I won again” etc. Which I don’t think is likely. But it is worth asking him about the interactions prior to the incidents- is your son able to avoid scenarios that will end up in fighting? Could he be saying things that are actually making things worse?
These are little kids and seeing them as bullying thugs is really not helpful at all.

These are little kids and seeing them as bullying thugs is really not helpful at all.

Except OP's DS is getting punched in the face at school.

@Isadora2007 are you saying that the OPs son who is also 5 btw could be bringing this on himself?
Violent children have no place in mainstream schooling until their behaviour changes. Parents and children shouldn't have to suffer this daily. The victim is 5 years old too remember.

This just breaks my heart. A little 5/6 year old should not be going to school worrying about being hit. My boys were both physically bullied. We moved them in the end. Then one was bullied again. School were shut, then good, then appealing. Police involved in the end. The bully now being bullied at his new school. His mum is going mad.

They have a duty of care. I'd be telling them if one more thing happens you will be going higher and also telling your son to scream and shout and hit back. If they are too scared and pathetic to protect a small child then he clearly has to do it himself. Maybe also go in to class with him if it's happens again and take a seat...

Swapping schools doesn’t stop bullying ...

Speak to the class teacher.
Record all incidents as child has reported them to you.
Look at bullying procedure
If no luck - head of year
If still unresolved - SENCO teacher and Executive

Teachers aren’t thick - unacceptable behaviour is logged and noted
Often support staff and lunch time support are unaware of the isses
Does he have a buddy or a friendship bench to go to - flag up issues during break.

It would be a good idea to everything that has been suggested:

Your class teacher has done absolutely nothing and this has been going on for months, it is time to see the head now, you have given them plenty of opportunity to get on top of this and they haven't

Make a record of the incidents as they happen, recording each one. Who was involved, date time etc

Call every school in your area and ask the admissions team whats available, and how long you are likely to wait

Enroll your son into a self defence class so he becomes confident in his own ability to defend himself

Tell your son this will stop, come hell or high water this will not be allowed to continue to happen to him.

As a last resort you can take him out of school on the grounds of safety and homeschool until a place becomes available.

Fortunately the school year is coming to a close, Sep would be the perfect time to move him.

Go straight to the Head, each and every time this happens. Being punched in the face is not on, it's much more serious than pushing and shoving in the playground.

I would make ur clear that you expect DS to be kept safe and if not, they are failing in their duty of care.

If no action then I'd report to police as a safeguarding issue as the little shits are likely to be learning that behaviour at home.

Send DS to boxing classes. Tell him to reciprocate in kind. I guarantee the bullying will end.

Theknacktoflying

Swapping schools doesn’t stop bullying

Yes it does, of course it can work. Not every school is the same thank goodness!

Yes, calling it assault is a bit overblown for 5 and 6yos but really, children this little punching, on a regular basis - something is wrong. Mine were at a really not great school at that stage, there was some quite bad behaviour, and I don't recall someone ever being punched. Boy C (you sound a bit disparaging about his mother, OP) may be a different case if he has SN - but still needs appropriate support not to endanger others. Boys A and B do sound rather like bullies in the making, and I would be concerned that the culture of the class/school is supporting this development. So I would be going in wanting to know, a) what is being done to safeguard my ds (use that word), and b) what is being done to support the boys to improve their behaviour and create a culture of non-violence and respect for all in the class?

@Isadora2007.

Children who haven't been taught appropriate social interactions, are unable or unwilling to follow rules need to learn how to do so without making other kids lives a misery in the process. If they can't do so then they need to be removed until they can. If it isnt resolved when they are young will you still excuse their behaviour when they are 16 and punching people in the face because they don't know better?

That's one of the lines I was fed by the school, tbh when I have my son telling me he might as well be dead because his only purpose in life is for "people with anger issues" to take it out on him I really don't give a shit what anyone calls them.

Of course it's assault, and there really is no justification here. I wouldn't victim blame an adult and I certainly wouldn't do so to a child!

@mynameisnotsteven

Her 5 year old says punched in the face. I highly doubt their version of this is the same as an adults. No broken nose or burst lip. And no I am not suggesting it should get to this stage at all- but that kids lashing out age 5 should not be seen as the same as an 11/12 year old actually punching a classmate in the face.

@coolwalking no I am saying at 5 children often don’t have the awareness of how they are coming across to others and this could be part of the issue if he is being interpreted as starting a challenge/fight and the other kids are more rough and brought up in a household where violent interaction is normalised with siblings or even parents.
I like @zzzzz suggestion of teaching the child to use the other ones name and say stop and say what they are doing loudly etc. It’s not about victim blaming it’s about empowering and informing.

But these kids are 5. It sounds likely there is a social element to it- that they are seeing others getting away with it- that rules are not being implemented or even given? There is clearly either supervision issues for all these incidents to be happening or classroom management issues.
Get it in writing OP and speak to the HT about what they are doing to educate their pupils what is and is NOT acceptable.
And practise with your wee boy how to use his words and be assertive and to get away from hostile situations. Use role play and get him to act out the scenarios that have occurred as this could give good insight.

@yerauntfanny
How do you propose kids learn social interaction when you remove them from their peers?

It’s nowhere near the same as 16 year olds. In fact if these kids were older and this was happening I’d be saying go right to the police as I have Zero tolerance for violence at school.
But it or NOT the same and we as a society have a responsibility to teach young children rules. These kids clearly haven’t learnt that and are needing to learn it at school. So letting the school know and following it up etc is a good thing to do.

Swapping schools is no guarantee that there won’t be other incidents or bullies in the new school - you are really not dealing with bullying ..

Sorry - feel sh*t for saying this - but do you think you are getting the whole story - watching the feral kids at play time - a lot of hitting and punching and play fighting that often can get out of hand.

Try and get a teacher on your side ...

Talking about bullying and issues like this is not appropriate to speak to teacher at pick up - meeting is best ..

Swapping schools can stop the bullying for the victims. Yes they might take some issues with them and the experience can affect how they see the world but if they go to a different school then their experience will be different. One of mine was in a 'difficult' class. Ten other children had moved due to the same disruptions. All of them were happier in their new school. I would take a two pronged approach. Talk to the school, report every incident. Tell them too about the impact they are having on him emotionally. Secondly visit all schools in the area that you might consider. Put yourselves on the list for as many as you can which you like. If and when a place comes up decide whether to move him. Often places come up in yr 3 if you are in an area with private schools- parents take a 'state till 8' approach.

My son was attacked twice by the same boy so I went into school and complained. It happened again so I kept him at home and wrote a letter to the head and the governors stating that he wold return when I felt assured it was a safe environment for him. It never happened again.

Are you putting everything in writing because if you aren't you need to do that. The school have a duty of care to keep children safe. My own child has challenging behaviour as did a few others in his class in mainstream but physical incidents against other children were rare because the children had appropriate support.