Not to leave a 15yo and 10yo alone at home?

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

I have two sons, 15 and 10. I don't feel comfortable leaving them home alone for any length of time. I think the 15 yo is old enough to look after himself, but not old enough to also be responsible for his younger brother.

The 15yo feels I'm being overprotective, and that it's a sign I love DS2 more than him, because I'm basically protecting DS2, but not him. (There's logic in there somewhere but I can't find it.)

If I need to go out, I'll take DS2 with me.

AIBU? I really don't know.

I was supervising my two younger brothers from about the age of 12 (when they would have been 10 and 4), so I think you're being a bit precious.

In a year your 15year old will be allowed to join the army with your permission and in two years he can move out without it....OF COURSE you should be able to leave him for few hours with a 10 year old..

I leave my 14 year old looking after her 12 year old sister who has ASD, I’m lucky that they never argue, dd1 is very sensible and keeps in contact with me via text, I leave them for 3 hours whilst I work, I often leave dd1 on her own for longer periods but not her sister. I trust dd1 with dd2 more than I would a baby sitter because she knows her sister better than anyone.

15 year olds can be in the middle of difficult pubertal hormones and younger brothers can be antagonistic little shits?!

LOL yes, this. Although in my case it was DS2 and DD. I could leave DS1 with either of them but DS2 couldn’t be left with just DD. However he’s now 1u and she’s 12 and airs all fine. I happily leave them at the drop of a hat now.

It really does depend on the children involved, you can’t have a blanket rule for it that covers every child in every family.

It's an entirely personal decision for a parent to make based on the ages of the kids involved yes, but also based on the relationship between them, the general sensibleness and responsibleness of the elder child and how irritating the younger child might be.

Legally there is no minimum age for a child to be left alone, nor is there a minimum age for a child to be left in charge of siblings. However at age 14 you are legally allowed to be left in charge of unrelated children i.e. you can legally babysit other kids. The law does however state that the time, location and safety of the children must be considered and also that for leaving siblings the relationship between then and general attitudes/behaviours should also be taken into account. So basically they're saying the same. it's a personal decision for parents to make based on their own kids.

Each parent has to do the risk analysis for themselves and the DC they are responsible for.

I did the risk analysis for my DC at a younger age than the OPs and decided I felt comfortable leaving them for short periods of time to start with. I provided them with guidance for what to do while I was out, even if that was only for 10 minutes. Slowly, as they got older and showed me that they were responsible when they were left for short periods, I left them for longer, again with all the guidance I could provide for them - not to mention instant access to me via my mobile phone.

It worked well for my DC & they enjoyed feeling responsible.

Wondering this myself, when DD will be 15 DS will be 7. Would it be ok to let her babysit for a short while?

button our local baby sitters are 15yr old girls. They are used regularly by the neighbours with young children. So not sure why you wouldn’t be able to use your own DD to look after a younger brother. I did and would pop to the local pub

Siblings often behave differently together to a baby sitter and a non-sibling. Not always of course but that’s why you have to judge it by your own children and their sibling relationship.

DS2 would have been fine with a non-sibling but not his younger sister.

When people say 15 year olds get paid it’s usually girls and very mature ones at that and often it’s at nights when the kids are in bed I wouldn’t allow a 15 year old to babysit my kids for the whole day

She or he should be able to manage for a hour though

SoupDragon

Siblings often behave differently together to a baby sitter and a non-sibling. Not always of course but that’s why you have to judge it by your own children and their sibling relationship.

DS2 would have been fine with a non-sibling but not his younger sister.this my 18 can easily watch my 3 year old but not teb 5 year old who is goady as fuck and would do the complete opposite of everything he said

I was an extremely capable babysitter at 15/16 but for unrelated children. I vividly remember babysitting my sister once - she had me in tears she was such an awful little shit.

Those of you with kids you trust together - well, good for you. OP can’t go back in time and give them the opportunity to spend time alone together, she can only go forward.

Well said SoupDragon

You're being massively overprotective. 2 hours? Geez.

Start teaching them what to do. Leave them for half hour then one then two.
These are irrational fears .Teach them what to do shpuld any happen. You need to train your dc to be Independent and able to cope with being left...surely ypur older p e goes to and from school alone by now ?

"my worries are also along the lines of nut jobs coming to the door and abducting them, random fires breaking out (?), one of them choking, etc."

So..people to door..Teach them to use a chain and not open
Fire safety...Teach them 999 and escape routes
Choking..watch videos on what to do or attend all.of you a first aid course

There is no magic age. Given his immature you love younger brother more attitude I wouldnt be happy leaving him in a position of responsibility. I wouldnt sugar coat it for him either. He proves he is responsible or no disco.

I leave my 10yo DS with his 14yo brother at least once a week. It's never for more than an hour or so but they are both fairly sensible children and we've had no problems. In my view they appear to step up to the responsibility rather than fall into any usual sibling squabbles.

Depends on the children to be honest. My (mature) 13 year old can stay with her 7 year old sister easily. They’re quite sensible when I’m out.