Not to leave a 15yo and 10yo alone at home?

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

I have two sons, 15 and 10. I don't feel comfortable leaving them home alone for any length of time. I think the 15 yo is old enough to look after himself, but not old enough to also be responsible for his younger brother.

The 15yo feels I'm being overprotective, and that it's a sign I love DS2 more than him, because I'm basically protecting DS2, but not him. (There's logic in there somewhere but I can't find it.)

If I need to go out, I'll take DS2 with me.

AIBU? I really don't know.

You need tackle your anxiousness

I wouldn't and haven't left DSS 15 with any of his younger siblings. He can be fairly horrible to his sister and brother. I think it really depends on the 15 year old. When DDS 11 gets a little older I wouldn't hesitate to leave the younger ones with her but she's an entirely different personality and far more responsible/kind.

I would leave them. At 15yo he's more than capable of watching a 10yo. I would probably have been quite offended at 15 if my mum didn't trust me to sit in the same house as my brother unsupervised for two hours!

My 14yr old and 11yr old are left on there own. They wind each other when we are all in the house and lots of screaming. However they are actually better when we are not there. I will call and check and it’s usually one downstairs and the other upstairs. You seem to have a lot of anxiety Your DC aren’t toddlers. Do you let your DC go out on there own with friends?

In reality the best way to keep them alive is to equip them with skills that teach them to look after themselves. If they have no risks to face now what are they going to be like when they are off on their own.
My three who are still at home fight loads when I'm about but almost never when I'm not (no point without an audience). They also step up: got a bucket and a neighbour to sort out a leak, cleaned out a cut that happened playing football etc

Your mother left you as a baby,in your cot alone in the house while she went out to coffee mornings,OP?

I wouldn't be asking her for childcare advice.

You know your child best, and regardless of what others choose to do, you should stick to what you think is right for them. There is usually a very good reason why you feel the way you do, even if it is yet to come to light.

Wait until your 10yr old is older and then try it out for ten minutes and then longer. Extend slowly.

If they bicker and argue quite a bit at the moment, I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving the 15yr old in charge either OP.
Agree with you

Does your 15 year old go out alone?

SailOnSea very well said
OP - you know your children best..go with your instinct

I do it all the time. The younger one plays on the PlayStation and the other does her own thing.

I'm really surprised by some of the comments on here. Such as maybe leaving the 15 year old for 2 hours. If you won't leave a 15 year old alone for 2 hours you have serious issues.

Ten year olds don't routinely need 'looking after' imo, not for an hour. My oldest is ten and often stays alone for an hour. My 8 year old will also stay home with him for shorter periods.

There are full grown adults I wouldn't leave my children with. It's more about the proven ability to look after another more vulnerable person rather than age. I would never assume someone was capable of something simply because of their age.

I think we have to work toward these goals with our kids. I'd be clear with the 15 year old what kind of behaviour I needed to see from him before you'd consider leaving them alone.

In general I'd say you could leave a 10 year old for an hour or so on their own and the 15 year old for a day but not overnight. But if they argue a lot
I wouldn't want to leave them for very long together.

Unless there are issues you haven't mentioned I would definitely leave them for a few hours (not overnight). I think it would be good for the 15 year old to have the responsibility.

I leave my 15,12, and 12 year old for whole days.

There a balance...you sound suffocating

You need to leave them. They don’t get on, they can use separate spaces when you aren’t there, and you work on making them happier with each other. But you can’t stay at home with them forever. They need space and freedom and independence and so do you.

I started leaving my 10 and 5 month old with older 12 year old - short trips to drop younger child off 5 minutes away. Then longer trips to pick up then when weather got awful in winter much longer trips to school to pick youngest up.

If they were wound up before I left 10 year had to come - only once had incident only 5 mintues away with them fighting - they both had to come for pick up and drop off for two weeks much to their disgust. No repeat. .

However, come September my now 11-year-old and then 13-year-old will have to be in house about 30 minutes by themselves most days and have to get on - as I still have younger child to pick up.

When youngest starts secondary they may well all have to manage a few hours till we get back - my eldest will be 15 then.

They know not to answer the door - I have my phone with me - they both have phones.

When my eldest was 13 (younger two 11 and 9) I left them for a couple of hours early evening but only went to my friends house two doors away. The elder two enjoyed the freedom but knew I was nearby if there was an issue. There never was and by the time the eldest was 15 I would leave them for an evening but only if I knew one of our neighbours was in and able to be a contact if they had an issue. I also had my mobile which helped on the one occasion the youngest 'wouldn't listen when the eldest said it was time for bed'. I told the eldest it wasn't his responsibility and to ignore the youngest. Youngest was in bed and fast asleep when I got in .

TBH if they bicker and you can't hear them, why worry about it? You need a life too and OK the first few times will be hard but you do need to cut the apron strings at some point and its better to do it slowly and in a controlled manner than suddenly when they get to 18 and leave for uni!!!

I would expect this to be completely fine with most kids but you know yours best. If your 15 year old can't be trusted to not abuse or upset his brother I can see why you don't leave them alone. I might try and resolve some of the antagonism though, if that's possible - at 15 your older DS ought to be able to rise above being annoyed by his brother.

When I was 11 I used to look after my baby brother and sister. 1 and 3! I realise that it’s too young an age but my parents were in desperate times for a while. Anyway, despite the young age, I was very responsible, knew who to call, what to do in emergencys etc.
If you give your DS responsibility then he’ll rise to it. Try not to worry.

I'm 6 years older than my brother and I used to look after him from when I was about 11. I certainly walked him to school at that point because he was in primary 1 (5yo) when I was in primary 7 so I dropped him off in the junior playground before going to the senior one myself.

My mum would leave us for an hour or so at that point and by the time I was 15 she would leave us all day in the summer holidays while she worked.

I used to worry about someone taking my kids until my younger sister pointed out "WHat the fuck could they do to your kids that they couldn't do with you there,Colditz? Your son is FIVE FOOT EIGHT"

I'm with you on this. Unless it's an emergency, I wouldn't.

"Unless it's an emergency"

DOn't you think it would be far more frightening to be left alone for the first time in an emergency than to be left alone for the first time because mum wants to go to Tesco and you're in pyjamas?"