to feel so outside all the cliques before my child even starts school

[newsparklythings]

Just that really. I've attended a school introduction and all the parents seemed to immediately split into groups that seem very like cliques. I tried talking to a few other mums and felt quite rejected. I have MH issues - anxiety, depression, quite severe a lot of the time - and find groups of new people especially difficult. But was hoping to make an effort for my daughter's sake and so I don't always feel like a loner in the playground. AIBU to feel this way?

Where's OP gone?! Come back!

wow thank you for all the replies. I’m still here. It takes me a while to think through things but I will try to reply to a few points on here

whether or not they are cliques / what makes them cliques is a good point, I suppose I used that word without really thinking about what it means. What I noticed, is the ones who have tiny waists and skinny jeans and blond hair seemed to club together and though I was trying to say hi put their backs to me and I didn’t feel I was allowed to talk to them. Others were less put together and seemed to have several children and know each other already and so busy talking to each other I guess I would have felt weird breaking in. Maybe tribe would be a better word. Some were there in couples so I suppose arrived with company.

If I had a clique it would probably be the ‘fat with chin hair’ clique. Maybe I should try hanging a sign around my neck next time asking if anyone wants to join?

I know the anxiety and depression make me really sensitive.. yes and it’s hard to shake even when you know that’s what’s going on.

I wish I had the bravery to stand there with headphones in and not care or look awkward, I would probably seem shifty rather than cool. It sounds attractive.

Above all I am worried that whatever I do or don’t do, I will somehow affect DD’s success with classmates. That’s my biggest concern actually. It’s not about me making friends but I don’t want to be the weirdo mum and have that rub off on her.

I will somehow affect DD’s success with classmates. That’s my biggest concern actually.

Don't make that worry you. I am not friends with any of the mums at school, and DD can only have playdates during the holidays because of me working full time. She has no problem with friends. Once they are into year 1, the playdates are drop and run affairs so you don't need to be friends with the mum.

Just offer to have friends for a morning or an afternoon, give them lunch, snack or tea, and you'll be fine.

I get their numbers from party invites and the class has a facebook group. If in case you are wondering how you get contact details of your children's friends. She'll be invited to other children's party. Also, give her a class birthday party in year R (not everyone do it). Invite either the whole class or just all the girls in her class. Then you'll get the phone numbers too. I know there are lots of horror stories here about parents not replying and not telling you. That's not the case in my DC school. Not sure when your child's birthday is, so you can see if you get whole class invites first, before you decide.

There will be people who already know each other. Fact. You will make friends though (if you want to) it was only the intro meeting, there will be so many more opportunities- parties, volunteering at school events, parents nights out, school fairs etc...
I have four dc and I just go with the flow and ignore the occasional arsehole parent.
You can be in my gang if you want I've got chin hair and everything

It’s really really hard, I didn’t make many friends with my eldest 2 ds I was quite young and shy it didn’t have an adverse affect on them they still went to parties and I would say hi to other parents but that’s all.

With ds 3&4 only a year apart they went locally to playgroup - a nursery type one where they are left and parents come in on a shift to do snack so we got to know the kids and then the parents at home time
I did this with ds3 for a year then ds4 the next year whilst i got to know other mums st school nursery so by the time ds3 went to school I had people I knew and could talk to at home time. Same with ds4, both Boys also had siblings in my 11 year olds class so I got to know their parents better. It’s nice being able to chat to people & o hope we don’t appear to be a clique.

Go to local parks and groups over the summer and have fun you may meet other parents there. Don’t be too worried if there is no one to talk to to begin with just be friendly and approachable and take the opportunity at parties etc to chat and get to know other parents. Hope it all works out for you x

Didn't really make friends with parents for DC1 but by the end of DD2's reception year had made friends with a couple of parents from her year. People who I consider really good friends all these years later which is nice because I didn't grow up round here so don't have a group of friends from childhood that I see regularly.

Don't worry about the initial sessions and people seeming cliquey. They really probably aren't cliquey at all. But anxiety makes nearly everyone think that.

I've never experienced cliques either, people have people they get on with and people they don't, and that's it, there really isn't time, people are working, kids are in clubs some nights etc, and mornings is just a quick dash through playground and off again. Maybe we're lucky here!

Gah I hate hate hate drop off and pick up time. My DS is just about to finish Reception & the only thing I enjoy is seeing DS when he comes out. The only people I speak to are a girl I went to school whose DS is in the same class and probably 2 other mums who are really friendly. The others I find a bit rude, don't acknowledge you and will barge past you to stand with their backs directly to your face if you happen to be near their coven. I struggle with anxiety and it was a big thing for me when DS first started but I've got over it now and usually time it perfectly to slide him straight into the classroom at drop off and get there just as the door opens at pick up so I don't have to stand there feeling like a reject. It is like being back at school yourself!