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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that if I purchase myself a delicious and fatty treat

124 replies

SecretSantaaaaaa · 12/06/2018 12:35

I should expect it find it still in the fridge when I return home?!

I had been looking forward to it all day but DP ate mine. I had bought 2 , one for us each. DP had theirs Sunday night and scoffed mine last night before I had got home and cooked us dinner!

I think I overreacted (telling them not to bother apologising as its clearly empy words given that this isn't the first time it's happened) and now I feel bad.

I don't ask for much after a long hard day!!

Anyone else's partner a greedy, selfish bastard?

(This is kind of light hearted, I love DP really)

OP posts:

Grasslands · 12/06/2018 23:06

my dh does similar (claims hollow leg syndrome "always starving"). meanwhile being well past my prime i have to watch my calories very carefully.
sadly i find my dh's behavior makes me eat when i'm not hungry for fear there will not be any left when i would like to have a second helping (next day lunch etc.) soooooo long story short by his enjoying all the food all the time i'm putting on weight because i'm overeating to compensate for not having a chance to eat it later on...

LanguidLobster · 12/06/2018 23:11

@cherrytree63 you left? Yes?

isthissummer · 12/06/2018 23:12

My DH states I suffer from food aggression, he may be right but he doesn't touch my snacks. To be fair I don't eat his.

Peppersandrice · 12/06/2018 23:13

My dad and my DH do this. DH not so much now coz he knows I will strop.
My dad insists that he will only eat rich tea biscuits, and my mum likes chocolate digestives. Couple weeks ago I went round for a cuppa and Mum took her tin out the cupboard, and there was one choc digestive left. Full tin of rich tea’s. My mum didn’t have any! I thought that night my dad was going to mysteriously disappear.....

TotHappy · 12/06/2018 23:38

I HATE this. My husband does this too. He will eat any treat of mine that he feels has been around too long. I like to buy special things now and again/ask for them as a present and then eat them a little bit at a time, savouring it. Latest example that really pissed me off was a bottle of Drambuie mum got me for Christmas - it's expensive and I don't buy it for myself - had a couple of shots through January - by the end of Feb it was all gone! Husband doesn't even LIKE the stuff particularly - would never order it in a bar for example. Grrrrr!

And a,longer standing one that made me wild was when I was a teacher and he a barworker - I'd make my lunch for next day in the evening, leave in the fridge in Tupperware, go to bed and when he got in at 1am he'd eat it. I would be walking out the door, rushed for walk, stop at the fridge to grab it and find it gone. So fucking inconsiderate.

He never seems to get why these things make me so angry, because he's a 'splurger' and I'm a 'saver'. He'd just say he wouldnt mind if I did it to him and thats right, he wouldnt. It comes out in so many ways. Our attitude to money, our attitude to free time, our attitude to adventures - I like a little and often, so I can plan a nice rhythm of work and play or sensible and treat - he likes to spunk everything at once in a 'take it while it's there' kind of way.

ReanimatedSGB · 12/06/2018 23:43

How do some of you afford such greedy partners? Have you ever sat them down and pointed out to them that when they eat everything they can lay their hands on, it impacts on the family food budget and sometimes means that other people in the house have to go without? There have been previous threads about greedy men who will take eg all the meat in the house (meaning meat-free meals for partner and children because there is not enough money for more meat) and even take food from their children's plates before the children have finished eating.

TBH it's abusive behaviour if it's a frequent thing. It demonstrates utter selfishness and lack of care for anyone else in the family, and probably goes with selfishness in other areas: this person thinks that they are the only one who matters.

Grasslands · 13/06/2018 01:05

money is not an issue in our family.
i point it out and hopefully he remembers the next time he is starving that i might be saving it for some reason.
we do jointly discuss meal planning for this very reason; don't eat the last bit of cheddar cheese (or give it to the dogs) i plan on making XYZ with it.
the left over shepherds pie will be for tomorrow's supper please don't have it at lunch time etc.
he has free run on bread and peanut butter any time of day or night.

NoProbLlama78 · 13/06/2018 05:54

An ex of mine drank a bottle of alcohol that I had bought on holiday as a present for someone else. That's not the only reason why he's an ex but it contributed.

SteveAllenLBC · 13/06/2018 06:04

Foul mouth

Rocinante1 · 13/06/2018 07:30

When we had our first baby, we breastfed exclusively so I'd have to feed when baby wanted, even during dinner. If I left the table to feed, I'd come back and my plate would be empty coz my ex would have eaten it. Always the same "I thought you were done". And no amount of telling him that I needed to eat coz I was the one feeding our child made any difference. He just kept eating my food. I was so tired that I honestly didn't even consider how selfish and shit he was being. I knew it, but I didn't really process it IYSWIM. He never cooked, ever, so it was food I had cooked and I never got to eat it. It's like as soon as I left the table, he rushes to finish his and then ate mine.

Wasn't till we went to my mum's for dinner and I had to go feed, and he finished his then reached to take my plate... my mum went through him for it. He never did it again.

We have since split. The selfish behaviour wasn't there before, but having kids turned him into the selifhs, horrible person. Like, he wasn't the centre of attention anymore so he made a huge show of being selifhs to try and get as much as he could so the kids couldn't have it.

Hideandgo · 13/06/2018 07:42

Gosh, some really really selfish men here. I’d be very upset if my DH gave me so little thought.

Original poster

SecretSantaaaaaa · 13/06/2018 13:39

Why didn't you refer to your DP as her in the first post OP? Not a dig but curious. I wondered if you were a man and your partner was female as to why you didn't specify first

I always feel a bit odd by starting my posts with "I am a female in a gay relationship" when it is not relevant to the post. When I do refer to my partner as "her" I am usually assumed to be male. That is why I tend to stick to "them, they" etc. No other reason :)

OP posts:

StormTreader · 13/06/2018 13:44

I think that's a pretty smart tactic, and really the genders involved shouldn't matter at all - respect and consideration should be universal.
There are a number of threads where the responses are noticeably different depending on who is the "male" in the situation. Not all of course, but a decent percentage.

HyacinthsBucket70 · 13/06/2018 13:50

My DH is exactly the same. He's got no control over his snacking but annoyingly as hell he's 6 ft 2" and has never gone over 12 stone. But I do now hide things or label it "eat this and die", as it's the only way..... I shouldn't have to but it's a small flaw in an otherwise lovely person. My grandchildren laugh when I go off and retrieve their snacks from some random cupboard or the boot of my car

ReanimatedSGB · 13/06/2018 17:23

SecretSantaaaa I take your point but a lot of the stuff about relationship difficulties is so clearly a result of a society founded on expectations which advantage men over women. So it's 'normal' or at least relatively common for men to eat much more than their share of food and either sneer or tantrum if their female partners challenge them for doing this. (And any threads started by women worried about a partner's greed and selfishness attract a handful of PPs going, oh that's just how men are, poor man is hungry, he earns the money, don't be such a bitch. Etc.)

BIWI · 13/06/2018 18:52

@SteveAllenLBC you're a bit of a twat, really, aren't you? I've seen you pop up on several threads today (having just joined) with stupid or offensive comments.

DFOD.

LongNLean · 13/06/2018 19:25

Foul mouth

What's this mean?

Juells · 14/06/2018 08:31

@LongNLean

Foul mouth

What's this mean?

I was puzzled too, and searched back lots of posts but couldn't see what the poster was talking about.

I wish people wouldn't make cryptic comments, without referencing a post.

StormTreader · 14/06/2018 09:59

Hes just being a knob, ignore the troll.

TypingoftheDead · 14/06/2018 17:57

Oh, I just remembered something else that still pisses me off when I think about it (not exactly the same but kind of relevant) - on school holiday in the Lake District, I ordered roast chicken one evening and these two other boys then changed their minds and basically ended up stealing the chicken that should have been mine, as there were only two portions left and they got them, even though I'd ordered mine before them. I protested but it was in vain. I don't remember what I had instead but don't remember there being anything else I'd wanted.
If I'd been married to either one of them it would have been a patio job, for sure.

Lockheart · 14/06/2018 18:15

It sounds harmless and trivial, but my dad used to do this, even when things were on “my” shelf / in “my” cupboard and in the end my mum and I resorted to hiding food. I once got home at 2am from a long shift to find my leftover casserole (intended to be my dinner) had vanished. This being the middle of the countryside and the middle of the night, I couldn’t exactly pop to tescos or order a takeaway. My dad seemed to think it wasn’t funny when I confronted him in the morning.

We were hiding food in our own house to make sure we had enough. Though oddly enough we never had to hide the fruit and veg. Sometimes we’d hide things in the crisper drawer.

I’d never dream of helping myself to anything in the fridge unless I knew it was mine. Even at my partners house I ask before taking anything. I don’t know what goes on in these people’s heads that makes them think they can just take whatever they want and why they don’t stop to think about everyone else in the house.

Lockheart · 14/06/2018 18:16

*WAS funny!

TheAmazingShrinkingWoman · 14/06/2018 18:29

DS1 wandered into the kitchen after supper the other night and ate all the leftover chicken fajita mix. Only it was DH's supper. Twit.

kateandme · 14/06/2018 18:49

when there is leftover.you assume it will be shared the next day and he eats it all.
last piece of cake.
will make his own pudding of mirangue and fruit.for one...

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