To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

[McWeedie]

I think a lot of people answering don’t have twins and don’t really get it. In my experience the twin bond is completely different to a sibling bond.

My twins are in the same class, I wouldn’t have wanted to split them.

One twin suffers from terrible anxiety; whilst they don’t play together, being near each other really helps.

I would speak to the school as soon as possible and ask them to put them together.

Good luck!

[ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo]

Twin 2 doesn’t help him do things... twin 1 is most capable. Actually very clever.
Bit very very sensitive... twin 2 helps calm him.

That’s not twin2’s job. Twin 1 needs help to develop self calming strategies. TBH you should be teaching him those anyway and not relying on his brother to calm him! That’s quite a responsibility for a 4 year old.

[Tambien]

I think it’s variable depending on the schools.
My SIL had her twins staying together until Y3 when they were split.
Some schools only have one class per year.
And others again prefer to split twins right from the start.

I agree about looking at TAMBA and speaking to the school expressing your concerns. They will have a lot of experience that you dint know about and will be happy to put things in place/keep an eye on them whilst they settle down.

[SleepingStandingUp]

But very very sensitive... twin 2 helps calm him
Perhaps what school are trying to avoid? Is T1 is having a meltdown the teachers / TA etc should be helping. Not T2 stopping his own work or play to do it.

[ShinyShooney]

Why don't you want them to develop individually? Keep them together and they will always be "the twins" rather than "Mary and sue".

Give them a chance to have their own personalities and make separate friends.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

I'm a twin. The assumption when we were little was always that:

(i) we needed each other;
(ii) we were inseparable;
(iii) we wanted and liked the same things;

This was adult projection as they often thought we were 'cute' and we were always referred to as 'the twins'.

In truth, I am nothing like my sister and grew to hate being lumped in with her likes/needs. And she was more needy than me. As the easy going-one, I was the prop.

Don't assume you can predict development for them and don't let one be the prop for the other.

[Sillydoggy]

The research is on your side. Studies say that each pair is unique and at this stage PARENTS know best but in general they should remain together. You and your twins may change your minds later on but trust your instincts now. Find the research to back you up or at least make a good list of all your reasons and go in and talk to the school firmly about arranging a move.

[haverhill]

I've been teaching for 20 years and never known twins to be in the same class BUT I don't teach very little ones.
My friends' twins were always separate from reception age and didn't suffer at all.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Bit very very sensitive... twin 2 helps calm him
But it isn't his jon to do that in school. He won't be the only child in class with anxiety and who is very sensitive. School are trained to deal with it whilst other twin gets on with his work and play

[SleepingStandingUp]

Sorry posted twice as didn't think it had posted

[DaphneduWarrior]

There were twins in my class from 13-18. They’d been in the same class all through primary and middle school too.

The older one had anxiety and by the time I met them at 13, she had stopped talking, because the younger one was always there to answer for her. They went everywhere together, including the loo. They sat together in class, at lunchtime, in assembly. Neither had any friends, other than each other. It was really sad and I often wonder how they’re doing now.

Obv this is a fairly extreme example, but I can see how one twin could hide behind the other and be overlooked.

I was very very shy and anxious when I started school. Lots of kids are. We have to cope without a sibling.

[Tambien]

They haven’t consulted you because they are running a school and can’t possibly give an individualised attention to every child/parent in the school.
They have a applied what seems to be their rule re twins and will do unless there is a very good reason for them not to do so.

It’s hard (my dcs are teens and I still want them to get special treatment - with good reasons but it’s hard to let go of the fact you can’t control what is happening at school, even when it’s not in their best interest). But pretty normal not have a say unless the school is really small/in the countryside ime.

[gassylady]

But wouldn’t it be worse to have them in together for just one or two years. Twin2 helps twin1 settle and they both make friends. Then who has to move if they are then split up and start again with making new friends.

[ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo]

Oh for crying out loud! Twin 2 is not his therapist... he does not have any ‘calming techniques’ for his brother, it is literally the fact that he is there

Yes but he shouldn’t need to be there. Your twin1 needs to develop the ability to self soothe. His brother cannot always be at his side. You need to get twin1 support independent of his brother.

[Loonoon]

I agree - speak to the school. It's normal practice, they are treating them as individuals not a pair which sounds healthy but if you have concerns, raise them. They might be able to reassure you or you might be able to change their minds.

[ReadytoTalk]

Look at all these people telling you whats best for your children when they don't even know them! If you feel they should be together op then tell the school. There's no reason they can't be separated in a year or so.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Omg those YouTube twins are beyond weird. They’re branding themselves that way. I can’t believe they share a partner and have to walk the same amount of steps, eat exactly the same etc. Do they even work? And how do they pay for to live?

[BlueBug45]

@Rafflesway your husband and his twin must have specifically chosen the same subjects and been as good/bad as each other in each subject to end up in all the same classes though out their schooling.

My twin older siblings did and were not, and neither were the twin in my classes. Though it was fun getting the identical twin to swap with her sister for a morning and the teachers not figuring it out.

[WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam]

The fact that one twin is very anxious and has come to rely on his sibling’s presence to calm him is a very strong indicator that being in separate classes would be the best thing for them. Twin 2 gets to develop away from being relied on to calm his brother and twin 1 gets to develop his independence and learn how to cope without relying on his brother. The school have made the right call, it’ll be great for both of them.

[Sillydoggy]

My twins were together p1-3 and then separated after that. I asked them what they thought about it looking back (they are now 11) and they both say that they liked it they way they had it. Being together made them more independent rather than less at the early stages as they were more confident with a sister within easy reach.

[ElMarineroBaila]

I'm eyerolling a little bit at this, and I have twins myself. They are separate people and deserve to be treated as such. They'll still see each other at break times (and at home!) How do you know they won't cope without each other if you've not given it a chance yet?

[McWeedie]

I would post in multiple births, you will find it more useful and relevant