AIBU hair removal cream for DD 9 legs?

[lardymclardy]

I can envisage the responses now - yes you are you mental mother!

A little background - DD started puberty at 7 and as a result was under a consultant paedetrician (can't spell it). She has a couple of armpit hairs and a few hairs down below. This year is the first year she is refusing to wear a summer dress for school, insisting she preferred trousers. I didn't think too much of it until my mind clicked on a couple of recent conversations...

I've spoken to her and she admits it's because she thinks her legs are too hairy. I don't think they are, but it's not my mind, body or confidence.

I agreed with her that I would remove the hair for this summer term only and it would grow back over summer (adding if you wear your shorts etc then the sun will lighten the hairs anyway). She will then go in to year 5 and into autumn winter where she can wear trousers for school and leggings for PE. Therefore hair removal will not be an ongoing thing.

So AIBU? I don't think so, and for those that think I'm not, have you been in this situation and do you have any tips?

For those that think I am, I'm happy to hear why knowing that I know self confidence comes from within and I explain that to her, but also know how uncomfortable she is with it and uncomfortable in trousers in this heat. Thank you.

The problem here isnt that she wants to remove it, it is that she thinks that her legs are too hairy. She thinks that there is something wrong with her perfectly natural body hair. Facilitating hair removal without talking it through first encourages this horrible idea. It's fine to have an aesthetic preference for hairy or hairless legs. But it would be very wrong to let her grow up thinking that there is something wrpng with her body when it is just doing what bodies do. I would consider this as a wonderful opportunity to open a dialogue about accepting your body for what it is. Maybe next year she will be able to go out with hairy legs is she hasn't got round to removing the hair. It's not normal to feel like you have to cover up your hairy legs all the time.

Definitely get a her a nice little lady shave; she’s probably seen herself starting puberty early as something negative so far, with the consultations and feeling negative about her hair, etc.
You can get little dinky pink/glittery type ones that come in cute cases. She can’t hurt herself and is something that she can do herself and actually like.
There was a girl in my year 6 class who had very dark hair on her arms and legs. Her mum didn’t allow her to shave and she tried bleach and sandpaper, it was awful and very sad.

Ooh no couldn't do waxing - I've had disasters myself with that!

@wrenika I think I was 11 when I started with mine, so not majorly different - other than I left my stepdads razor full of hairs!! (Soon got my own razor!)

I use Veet Sensitive for my daughter - she started using it when she was a little older than your dd but we've had no bother with it at all skin sensitivity wise. I didn't even think twice about when she asked me (she was 10, almost 11). I also use it on my 10 year old for under her arms. She prefers it for swimming.

I was just having a conversation with my own dd(9) this weekend, she was commenting on how hairy her legs are (shins and calves) and what to do.
So I asked her if it bothered her just now and she said no, not at the moment, so I told her we’d do nothing. By whenever she does decide that it is something she feels uncomfortable about to let me know and I’ll get a waxing appt organised for her.
I wouldn’t use hair removal creams (too many chemicals and relatively quick regrowth) and shaving is useless.
So YANBU to consider removal- it’s just what to use!

Ask her. Give her the options. Leave it, wax it, electric razor, wet razor or hair removal ... perhaps try different things.

I started shaving about aged 10 in secret as my mother didn't approve, I would have much rather be taught how to properly as it was a lot of trial and error.

I think it's good that she has told you her issue and I think it's good to make a plan together.

I use Olay or the pink one similar razor with the balm Around it don’t need gel at all and I’ve only cut myself once using shaving over a spot really easy to use I won’t ever go back

Thank you for all the replies, support and ideas. I have to do one now and dish up dinner.

Very much appreciated and glad to know it's not a completely crazy idea. I just want DD to be comfortable. It was so different when she was 7 on the childrens ward as a day case - oh what have you got? I broke my wrist. What have you got? I've got THE (always THE) early puberty! Bless her.

I would definitely allow it.

I have very fine light hair so my DM kept saying “youre fine” and wouldn’t let me shave it off until I was 13. I was so self conscious and hated wearing skirts to school in the summer. Not helped by a particularly nasty girl who announced visit loudly in front of the boys “abso your legs are so hairy!!”

My DM wasn’t trying to look out for me though (in a feminist sort of way) she was just narcissistic and I’ve read since as an adult that refusing to let DDs shave/wear bras etc is part of the narcissistic parenting.

Please buy her lovely new razors, shaving gel and some body butter to put on afterwards, and help her do it. My DM gave me “permission” to shave my legs but left me with old blunt bic razors and never taught me about shaving gel and moisturise afterwards so I was always getting little cuts and rashes and the itching used to drive me mad afterwards

The thing is that shaving has to be done very frequently and that it can make the hair appear thicker and darker when it grows back. Once you start this she isn't going to want to stop is she?
Can you talk through all the options and pros and cons?

I was 8 when I started puberty and am very dark haired so I used Veet/Immac for everywhere needed.

Maybe a NoNo (almost like an epilator style shaver) is an option?

Totally get the hair thing, if she wants it gone then it's her decision.

OP Buy her a hair removal pad like this :) www.jmldirect.com/health-and-beauty/hair-removal/satin-pure-exfoliating-hair-removal-pads/

Agree with Racecardriver.

Something should be done about misogynistic bullying in schools.

If it was homophobic bullying or bullying of someone for being trans there would be suspensions at the very least.

Why isnt misogynistic bullying treated with equal seriousness.

Fuck. Really shocked. Why cant we just be taight to love our bodies as they are?

What about a Silky Mitt? I remember using these when younger, they basically rub the hair off, no chemicals not sore (although might want to patch test a small area first in case it irritates her skin).

yes, an electric shaver would be good, can't cut yourself. The creams are a faff and they stink!l. Waxing is painful and expensive. I found waxing worse than using an epilator.

Helena and racecar yes something needs to be done at a societal level.

But I don’t think it’s fair to expect self conscious pre teens and teenagers to shoulder that burden.

I know for me the feeling of being self conscious about my body hair (and body in general - I developed quite early compared to my friends) all contributed to my eventual eating disorder

I still remember standing in line in the playground desperately trying to cover one hairy leg with the other and hoping no one would say anything. It’s awful. I stopped wearing swimming costumes, I stopped wearing skirts. My mum took a while to agree to me removing the hair on my legs.

I'd definitely allow it. I remember being teased in year 7 because my blonde hairs stuck through my black school tights. Apparently everyone else was already shaving!

If you go for a non-electric razor, check out FFS. It's a razor blade subscription service (you can cancel after one delivery) and their razor and shaving cream are easily the best hair removal products I've ever used!

I remember secretly shaving a bit of my leg at 10. I think it would be better if you helped her.

OP, I've been in your shoes, my DD started her periods at 8 and had armpit and leg hair that made her feel uncomfortable. I taught her to shave safely and she was fine. I've always found electric shavers to be a bit rubbish but that might be the better option for her at this stage.

Good luck, it's rotten having to deal with this stuff when they are so young

When I read the thread name I was ready to blast you but reading what you've put I'd let her remove it. I myself have thick hair on chin, arms and legs and at a young age (9) I started my period and developed. It was hell and I still very conscious of hair now. Just teach her safe and paid less ways to remove the hair and let her make choices over her own body which aren't ridiculous

There was a thread on this not very long ago: Here

If you’re going to use a cream, do a patch test first.

I’m not sure which is the gentlest form of hair removal but whatever you choose I think you should embrace this as a mum and daughter spa thing and you do it too and get your legs out more often!

I wish my DM had been like you OP!

My hairy legs have been the bane of my life. I'm 56 now and can still remember the girls not wanting to share a bed with me 'because my hairy legs prickled them!' I wasn't an unpopular kid but i think it did have an effect as I always made a joke about my hairyness.

If she's dark, they will NOT go blonde. I don't think shaving is a good idea as they grow back so quickly An epilator (spelling?) is better although Silky Mitt, as pp suggested would be great if she doesn't have the 'plumage' I had.

What a lovely mum you are. (My mum is lovely too but didn't have any idea what to do about it.)

As soon as I got a job, I spent my wages on waxing the bloody things!