AIBU hair removal cream for DD 9 legs?

[lardymclardy]

I can envisage the responses now - yes you are you mental mother!

A little background - DD started puberty at 7 and as a result was under a consultant paedetrician (can't spell it). She has a couple of armpit hairs and a few hairs down below. This year is the first year she is refusing to wear a summer dress for school, insisting she preferred trousers. I didn't think too much of it until my mind clicked on a couple of recent conversations...

I've spoken to her and she admits it's because she thinks her legs are too hairy. I don't think they are, but it's not my mind, body or confidence.

I agreed with her that I would remove the hair for this summer term only and it would grow back over summer (adding if you wear your shorts etc then the sun will lighten the hairs anyway). She will then go in to year 5 and into autumn winter where she can wear trousers for school and leggings for PE. Therefore hair removal will not be an ongoing thing.

So AIBU? I don't think so, and for those that think I'm not, have you been in this situation and do you have any tips?

For those that think I am, I'm happy to hear why knowing that I know self confidence comes from within and I explain that to her, but also know how uncomfortable she is with it and uncomfortable in trousers in this heat. Thank you.

Just been there with my DD, who is only 8. She is not at puberty yet.

She has always been hairy and was being teased and had stopped wearing shorts and skirts.

So we used Immac last week and it was easy. I don’t want her messing around with razors.

Part of me was a little sad as I love her hairy legs and hate the pressure to conform. But I shave my own legs!

Sugar can leave burns, epilators and razors are painful, creams also burn sensitive skin.

I'd wax them.

I still remember my mum shouting at my older sister for shaving her legs . I don’t think it ever helped her confidence . My mum put her feelings on my sister .

I had an easier ride been the younger ine

I'd give her the option of lady shaver, safety razor, cream or waxing.

People who spout of about loving yourself for who you are are usually never the ones who have pale skin and loads of thick black body hair.

Let her get rid of it.

Erm... It's taken me since Easter (when she's normally be in her summer dress) to twig what the problem was. Have I once mentioned that it's my concern or problem? No.
Pardon me for making a suggestion! I wasn't suggesting that you HAVE told your DD that she's too hairy, just that she may assume that's why you're offering to help get rid of hair. What seems obvious to you, may not be obvious to her, if she already feels that kids at school are critical of her appearance.

Have a look at JML exfoliating pass

Pads*

I’d suggest waxing. It will grow back finer and she won’t have stubble.

YANBU

The problem here isnt that she wants to remove it, it is that she thinks that her legs are too hairy. She thinks that there is something wrong with her perfectly natural body hair. Facilitating hair removal without talking it through first encourages this horrible idea. It's fine to have an aesthetic preference for hairy or hairless legs. But it would be very wrong to let her grow up thinking that there is something wrpng with her body when it is just doing what bodies do. I would consider this as a wonderful opportunity to open a dialogue about accepting your body for what it is. Maybe next year she will be able to go out with hairy legs is she hasn't got round to removing the hair. It's not normal to feel like you have to cover up your hairy legs all the time

Excellent post.

I would be way more concerned about the apparent complete acceptance of misogynistic bullying and the realisation that a 9 year old girl feels that her natural body is already somehow unacceptable.

I'm actually stunned at some of the replies here.

I second the hair removal pads. They are quite cheap to buy and you literally just rub them on your legs and ta-da no more hair!

I started shaving my legs when I was in Year 5 for no other reason than I just didn't want hairy legs x

Allow her. But don't use the cream.

I started shaving my legs at the same age. My parents didn't let me so I waited until I stayed at my aunt's and used my cousin's razor. I almost ended up shredding my legs to bits! So if you don't help her she'll end up doing it herself and that's no good.

Thank you all, I have spoken in depth with DD over dinner tonight. There has at no point been any mention of bullying or any mention of wanting to conform, or just wanting to be hairless. As the youngest in her peer group to have started puberty and having to wear a bra top from age 7 then I doubt that there has been any bullying there either, in fact from hearing from some other Mums quite the opposite. Wow did you know that lardy's daughter had a period at 7?!

There is no hair pressure in my house, I have been single for 8 years, am sitting in a vest sporting some marvellous (although now in my 40's thinning) armpit hair. My legs haven't been shaved since I don't know when and my unruly bush is another matter!
Maybe I've frightened DD into it! Even my feet are Hobbit!

I have never ever pushed any of my DC into anything they feel uncomfortable with. I will however listen to them when something is causing them anxiety. DD is 9, she watches CBBC, loves Operation Ouch and aspires to be a Marine Biologist, she's had a fucking rough ride with hormones when she (and I!) didn't know what was happening to her. It was almost a relief for her to be told by a professional, it is your hormones. We have a super relationship now.

So we have talked together and I am going to get the best, softest, guarded, moisturising razor plus foam and do her legs for her. She doesn't want a summer dress though, she wants a summer playsuit type (still checked, but an all in one with shorts) so that is what she will have to make her feel cool and happy this summer in year 4.

The hair removing cream gave me chemical burns and I am very hairy so needed to get rid of the hair. The little pads give me a horrendous rash now (didn’t used to though) so maybe try them with caution and a patch test.

@Guardsman18 I'm truly touched thank you, maybe I made so many mistakes with my DS 21 that perhaps I'm actually listening this time. I'm far from perfect.

I don’t think removing body hair is an issue. I can’t remember what age I started removing my body hair but definitely by year 7, and I started my period around the same age as your daughter (I’m 22). So did most of the girls at my primary/secondary - I think girls just reach puberty earlier in younger generations really

But I would stay away from hair removal creams. Even I, as a grown adult, still occasionally get chemical burns from the most sensitive creams. The thing is it’s super easy to get a burn. You would think you just remove it ASAP if you feel irritation, but in my experience it doesn’t necessarily sting or hurt when the cream is on, you just notice the fresh burn when you’re in the shower washing it off and the water stings. So only use hair removal cream if you are applying it and supervising the process.

I would honestly look into waxing as long term the hair growth will slow down so it would be more convenient. I wish I started waxing before I did, as my leg hair became more coarse, darker and quick to grow in after years of shaving

I've never had a positive result with waxing - irritated skin, raised red (whatever you call the follicle bumps), ingrown hairs. I've had friends who have beautiful smooth legs and wax, but I don't think I could try it on DD when I have had awful results myself.

I suggest an epilator. I've been using one since I went through puberty, easier and safer than waxing/ shaving and the results last longer.

I've never found it painful, I got one with a little attachment you put in the freezer beforehand so it kind of numbs the skin a little bit, but I only bothered with that for the first year or so anyway. It does depend on her pain threshold, one of my friends tried it and did find it painful, but I'd recommend it time and again. (Also cheaper long-term, my trusty epilator has lasted over 20 years and is still going strong!)

Let her shave her legs. My mother never let me shave mine until I was 12 and it was awful!

I used to try to cut my leg hair with scissors. It really brought my confidence down

I’m probably one of the responses that “shocked”.

Thing is, a few years ago I would have agreed.

But my daughter going hairy isn’t going to change decades of opinion; it’s not going to make a single bit of difference. It wasn’t boys that were teasing - it was other girls. I don’t want my daughter to grow up with that - life is hard enough for girls growing up these days.

Would I have removed the hair or even suggested it had she not mentioned it? Of course not.

But when your child feels “different” and won’t wear shorts on a boiling hot day, platitudes of being proud to be different at age 8 don’t mean much

I would be way more concerned about the apparent complete acceptance of misogynistic bullying and the realisation that a 9 year old girl feels that her natural body is already somehow unacceptable

It’s not accepting misogynistic bullying or giving her the message that her natural body is unacceptable.... it’s living in the real world and realising that these messages are out there and children are unfortunately susceptible to them regardless of what parents do or say.

My DD is 3.5. She adores dinosaurs and vehicles (especially trains and construction) and I keep her hair short in a bob because she would never tolerate me getting knots out and washing it regularly. She regularly chooses stereotypically “boys” clothes and toys (in terms of what society deems “boys/girls” stuff) and shows no real interest in her dolls and pram etc.

Not ONCE in her life have DH and I pushed any sort of gender-specific BS into her (and she doesn’t watch TV so no influence there) we just let her be herself without comment.

The other day she told me I was wearing “boys clothes” because I had a navy top and trousers on and also said on a separate occasion that boys have short hair and girls have long hair. Where TF she has got that from I don’t know but she is very very observant for her age and has obviously noticed the differences she sees out and about.

I don’t think it’s fair as a parent to use (for want of a better word) our children to fight the patriarchy or whatever because ultimately they are their own person and the OP is clearly responding to the feelings of her DD which have risen within herself independently from the OP.

OP fwiw I think you’re handling this prefectly. Youre listening to and validating your DDs feelings about her developing body and autonomy. I think supporting her in what she wants to do for herself is far more empowering than pushing an anti patriarchal agenda or whatever onto your child and making them live with the consequences at school.

For what it's worth, I find Wilkinsons Xtreme (currently pink, were mauve) razors better than some of the other brands. There may be better ones I haven't tried. And supermarket own brand sensitive lady shave gel.
I reluctantly gave up on the militantly hairy leg thing a long time ago, as the norms for de-haired legs are so strong now. But then, I only show my legs in hot weather so they are generally low maintenance.

Shaving means horrible stubble and can cause ingrown hair. Waxing would be infinitely better for her regarding regrowth and length of time hair free.

Why don't you contact a reputable salon (maybe ask for recommendations on a local Facebook page) and ask if you can bring your DD in for a trial wax of one or two strips. Then she can decide for herself if the discomfort is worth it, and you can see if she reacts badly to the process or has ingrown hairs.

Poor dd. I can relate. I am pale with dark hair and I got hairy around 8 or 9 years old. I noticed, but it didn't bother me much until I started getting bullied for it. My mum didnt give a rats arse about grooming so eventually my cousin took pity on me and showed me how to shave my legs. It really did give me such a confidence boost to be hair-free like my class mates! I fitted in again, it was wonderful! And the bullying stopped, seems like a sad story now I am a grown-up, but at age 10 it was so nice to feel 'normal'.

I grew up before hair removal was so common and hated sport as I was embarrassed by my hairy thighs. Shame as I would have been quite good at sports.
Are you shaving her whole legs. I found cream was difficult to get even over a whole leg area (even for a 9 year old I should think) and you had to stand around waiting for the cream to take effect (sitting meant the upper legs getting rubbed). So I would just shave. She has many years when she can try waxing etc when she's older.