To really really hate these funeral plan adverts?!

[sharkirasharkira]

They are just fucking everywhere at the moment and they drive me absolutely mad. They're also getting really guilt-trippy and almost emotionally manipulative!

You know the ones -

Older couple/couple of friends, discussing their dearly departed's recent beautiful funeral and commenting that they couldn't POSSIBLY afford anything THAT nice!!

Or alternatively saying that X passed away recently and HER POOR FAMILY they had to cough up MANY THOUSANDS for a funeral!!

Translation -

That selfish person had the temerity to die and not leave thousands behind specifically to pay for their funeral. They've put their loved ones in SO MUCH DEBT!! How AWFUL of them!

Cue the ad for pre-paid funeral plans, etc etc.

Just winds me up that they are pushing SO hard to get us to feel so guilty. I have enough guilt in my life, thanks. I don't need any more from bloody adverts!

I don't want a funeral, at all. I would much rather my loved ones spend their money living life, seeing the world, having fun, or putting it towards their futures rather than wasting it on buying me a very expensive box for my remains to live in.

If you want to have one of these plans, or pay thousands for a funeral then that is absolutely your choice. No issue with that. I just don't want it shoved down my throat every time I turn on the TV! Aibu?

@Cantspell2

I had the misfortune of spending a couple of hours in an undertakers recently accompanying a friend who had gone to view a body of a loved one and wanted support.

Whilst she was in with the body, I passed the time by reading all the leaflets they had out. I had no idea death cost so much - even the most basic funeral or, I guess, "disposal" since there was no pomp and circumstance, was over 2k.

Hmmm. I really struggled to pay for dh's funeral. Funerals aren't cheap and it plunged me into debt for quite a while, not great when I had two kids to feed. I'm going to make sure there's enough money to pay for my funeral. I don't want my family to go through what I had to, struggling to pay for it.

The doctor attending will give the paperwork for the death certificate, there is legally no need for a coffin, a shroud is sufficient. And legally there is no requirement for a hearse, so the back of the car is fine. As I said; my family are in agreement with my wishes.

My DM wants a simple funeral, wicker coffin and no fuss. But the thought of manhandling her shrouded body into my car when I'm grieving... Just no. And maybe your family would be good with it. But I can't imagine most would. And I've been near bodies more than once. I'm not religious, they aren't the person to me. But I cannot imagine doing that.

My grandad has paid for his funeral upfront directly to his chosen funeral director (who was also a friend of his) some years before his death. He gave my mum an envelope to be opened on the event of his death with instructions on where the Will was, who to contact with a list of numbers and addresses. He also printed off a poem that he wanted to be read at his funeral and the music he wanted as the curtains closed. It was a comfort to know we had carried out his wishes and he must have felt relived knowing that his family wouldn't have struggled for money.

I have savings in my account which would cover a funeral if I dropped dead tomorrow. However if didn't, I would buy an insurance plan. My friends MIL died and there was no money in the house or accounts to pay for her funeral, they had to get a couple of credit cards to spread the cost and they are still struggling to meet the repayments 4 years afterwards.

Don't some funerals 'come out of the estate'?

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-sep-dec-2017/can-you-pay-funeral-expenses-out-of-the-estate/

OP your funeral isn’t for you, it’s closure for your loved ones who are grieving and it’s pretty selfish to deny them a chance to say goodbye.

Funerals are expensive because cremation or burial costs are around £1,500 then there are doctors fees, funeral directors fees for moving and storing the body etc. The actual ceremony part of the funeral isn’t the expensive bit and it’s not difficult for a simple funeral to be £3k or £4k.

The most sensible thing, in my opinion, is to leave £5k in a bank account stipulate in your will that the money in x account is for your funeral, and that then gives your family the opportunity to choose the celebration they want and doesn’t tie them to a particular funeral director.

I wish my DM had had one, when she died, we had to let the State arrange her funeral (We couldn't do it, no money, no credit) we had to wait nearly 3 months for it, and it was hard. I felt so guilty about it all. We took out an insurance plan afterwards, not exactly a prepayment plan, but there will be enough money for a funeral, I don't ever want to put my dc in the position I was in.

Traditional funerals are expensive and quite complicated...

I mean, preparing the corpse, the funeral, invites, the newspaper announcement (or posters), the guest, the service, the flowers, the grave, the funeral meal, digging up the grave years later (unless you go for cremation...)

My grandmother says that the preparations are usually rather comforting. Well, except for the part of my great grandfather not decomposing properly...

But there's nothing wrong with having a simple funeral either. Isn't that something you talk about before dying (if possible)?

I have, unfortunately, recently learned how fucking expensive funerals actually are. I had absolutely no idea

MIL died very unexpectedly this year. No savings or 'estate' - nothing. FIL was in hospital incapacitated so we couldn't ask him if there were savings or plans. Highly doubtful there was though.

We chose a very basic funeral - no cars (well, apart from the hearse, obv), basic flowers, simple cremation.

The only alternative was a 'paupers funeral' which also cost the best part of £1.5k

Even MIL's simple affair cost £2.5K. And we had to pay it all off in two lump instalments. I foolishly thought that we could pay in smaller monthly instalments but nope.

MIL would be mortified that this caused so much worry. These funeral plans can alleviate a lot of heartache.

Having said that, I don't like the adverts much either. Namely because the acting is so appalling. However, I do think people must save something to save the utter financial shit storm that hit our fan.

FIL isn't expected to survive much longer either and I've no idea what we're going to do...

Having recently lost my dm, I've decided that I will definitely plan my own funeral. I am fortunate that my parents are well off but making all the decisions adds to the stress because you are trying to do the best and sometimes you're not sure what they would have wanted. I've also learned that as a parent, you must be prepared to discuss the eventuality of your death with your children. My dm didn't want us to Know about her terminal diagnosis. It was only when I saw her medical notes afterwards I realised, which was devastating.

Pink, I get that, I really do.

But as a pp said, sometimes the 'saying goodbye' bit can be quite traumatic because the person that they were is gone. I wouldn't want to see the body of a loved one if I could help it because I want to remember them as I knew them. I want my loved ones to do the same for me.

If I had 5k to leave I would 10000% rather that my dcs spent it on a fantastic holiday/put it towards a house deposit/bought a much need car etc rather than waste it on me when I don't need it. I've researched it and a cheap direct cremation near me is £895, all in. I'm more than happy with that.

luckiest

I am sorry for your loss .

And I hope you don't mind me asking, what is a paupers funeral?

I agree with you Op. I'd want the simplest and cheapest possible so I hope I can have s grown up conversation with my dcs about it in my old age.

@sharkirasharkira what I mean is I wouldn’t buy a funeral plan because I’d want my family to shop around and find a funeral director they feel comfortable with, it would be awful if they were tied in to using one specific funeral director and they rubbed them up the wrong way and that was their lat memory of you.

Also it is not just the cost. There is a hell of a lot to arrange when someone dies so having the funeral director all sorted and ready to step in takes some of the pressure off.

My DM died nearly two years ago. She had prepaid for a funeral package with him. We did end up arranging some extras ourselves but it was a help to be able to call up someone experienced and professional who could guide us through everything.

I don’t want a funeral when it’s my time. Reason being, it’s likely all my family will be gone already, I don’t have children and no close friends. I want to be forgotten after I die. So I don’t see the point. I will probably buy a burial plot in the next few years. But no service, wake, cars, flowers, coffin, headstone etc. So the most basic means of getting me from where I’ve died to the burial plot will be fine. This thread has prompted me to think about investigating the costs in more depth.

I completely agree that I'd rather my family spend their money on something like a holiday...

BUT the reality is shit. And expensive. And under £1K for a cremation is probably just that - a cremation. That doesn't include a stack of other things that you legally have to have and pay for whether you want to or not. We had to pay a doctor's fee (to confirm the death...even though a post-mortem had already been done ), fees for everything, transport and even cold storage for the body. None of that comes cheap however basic you want it...

Sad but true.

Yeah I understand that pink, it's a difficult time so finding someone you feel comfortable with is important.

Having said that, I read that up to 70% of funeral costs are the funeral director's fees so you can save a lot by not having one! I appreciate that's not everyone's choice though.

My wonderful mum bought a funeral plan years ago, it was one that guarantees you pay no more regardless of how long you live for.
We she did die, she had organised everything. It made everything so much easier. When you’re grieving it’s hard to concentrate enough to organise it all.
I just rang the undertaker to be told she’d done the lot. They even had the photos and text for the order of service. She’d sorted out flowers, type of coffin, hymns, the lot.
We had to pay for an extra funeral car and the buffet afterwards.
It was a great send off.
Just as she wanted with no worries or excessive cost to us.
She died as she lived, thinking of others.

Thanks Mey...

Isn't 'pauper's funeral' a hideous phrase?! Practically Dickensian. Basically, it's the absolutely no frills cremation done by the council with no flowers, no funeral director and you don't have a say in when it is. We decided we couldn't do that for MIL however strapped we were!

My mum has bought a funeral plan, and has thought it all through. My dad, typically, has no intention of saving or planning for his. So it’ll fall to me to arrange it. He never visits, has given me no help, whatsoever as an adult. But yeah, I’ll end up paying for his funeral.

The adverts are cheesy but if you buy a reputable plan I think they are actually a good idea. I work with the terminally ill - there are people literally on their deathbed fretting about how their family will pay .

Being all "put me in a wicker coffin under a tree " brigade are naive. There are very few official woodland burial sites and they are way more expensive than a direct cremation.

luckiest

Yes, it does sound rather horrible and actually extremely sinister (imo). A bit like an 'unmarked grave'?

Thank you for your explanation.

We'll probably have to fly our grandmother back to our family's tomb... (She says that it's up to us. But that she wants a proper burial / wouldn't want to be cremated...)

Wouldn't know what to do with her bones if we couldn't put them in the family "tomb", tbh...

Kala what if there is no 'estate'?