To really really hate these funeral plan adverts?!

[sharkirasharkira]

They are just fucking everywhere at the moment and they drive me absolutely mad. They're also getting really guilt-trippy and almost emotionally manipulative!

You know the ones -

Older couple/couple of friends, discussing their dearly departed's recent beautiful funeral and commenting that they couldn't POSSIBLY afford anything THAT nice!!

Or alternatively saying that X passed away recently and HER POOR FAMILY they had to cough up MANY THOUSANDS for a funeral!!

Translation -

That selfish person had the temerity to die and not leave thousands behind specifically to pay for their funeral. They've put their loved ones in SO MUCH DEBT!! How AWFUL of them!

Cue the ad for pre-paid funeral plans, etc etc.

Just winds me up that they are pushing SO hard to get us to feel so guilty. I have enough guilt in my life, thanks. I don't need any more from bloody adverts!

I don't want a funeral, at all. I would much rather my loved ones spend their money living life, seeing the world, having fun, or putting it towards their futures rather than wasting it on buying me a very expensive box for my remains to live in.

If you want to have one of these plans, or pay thousands for a funeral then that is absolutely your choice. No issue with that. I just don't want it shoved down my throat every time I turn on the TV! Aibu?

If you want the cheapest possible funeral, how about you research the cheapest possible funeral and formalise the arrangements, then?

It's very easy to just say you don't care and leave the legwork to your grieving family in the future, but that's not the same as taking actual steps, is it?

There are woodland burial sites but it is possible to bury a body on private land , with the owners permission of course.OP I'm with you 100%

They are not humouring me. They know my feelings and understand. I know dead bodies are heavy, ( it's why we say s/he was a dead weight) but there are enough big chaps in my family to manage my somewhat small body.I think it's just from the point of view of others it seems odd. I don't think it is.

I've found this book useful: www.annclifford.co.uk/time-to-live

It's quite religious in some ways (written by a Christian) but also has lots of practical info on what you can and can't do (including DIY funerals and woodland burials) and what you should do by way of planning and paying in advance to avoid burdening your grieving relatives.

A hospital mortuary is not going to be willing to dress and wrap a body in a shroud so someone is going to have to hire a van or have a car large enough to pick up your body then take you home to pop you into your shroud. Depending how long it has been since death your body could have already began to deteriorate and if you have had a traumatic death you might be a bit messy by then.
You might live near a woodland burial site or you might not but either way back into the car or van and off you go.
Someone will still have to have paid for a plot and someone to prepare the site and this will cost more than £400. The woodlandburial trust gives a cost of £800 and the cost of land prep ontop.
Someone will need to go register the death and death certificates will need paying for.
A direct funeral would probably end up costing the same without your family having to stick a body in the boot of their car or clean up any leakage from their carpets.

Don't spend money on a bloody funeral! Buy a plot in a woodland burial ground, ( about 400 quid) , cardboard coffin and take me in the back of the car.

If you have found a natural burial site that is £400 please share as they are twice that when I look.

Cardboard coffins are expensive as well - around £300 or £400 surprisingly. Your best bet is a simple shroud -- I bought mine for about £150.

You are right however, your body can be transported any way possible as long as you are covered up.

But the most important thing is: Have you written this down? Told people? Because if you haven't, your wish for a simple cheap burial might not go heeded. Write it down!!

There is some good advice on these two websites, including some info on plans, and various ways in which you can keep costs down:

www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/

www.naturaldeath.org.uk/index.php?page=keeping-funeral-costs-down

(body mustn't be embalmed so has to be bured very soon after death)

This isn't necessarily true. Yes, no embalming for a natural burial, but a body can be kept for quite a long time in cold storage at a FD.

Or at home, depending on the temperature that the body can be kept.

lois it’s good that you have clear ideas about how you want your body disposed of it will help your family to be removed from having to make difficult decisions. As long as you’ve written it down and thought about all the contingencies including how it’s going to be paid for then it’s a sensible plan.

I know dead bodies are heavy, ( it's why we say s/he was a dead weight) but there are enough big chaps in my family to manage my somewhat small body

Will that still be the case when you die, though? I sincerely hope you have a long and happy life first. That means, of course, that those big chaps may not be alive/fit/strong when your funeral rolls around.

Couldn't agree more, OP - ghastly, faux-cheerful and manipulative. Bloody parsnips.

YABU. You’ve already decided how you want your remains to be disposed of, so what’s stopping you paying for it now so that the people you leave behind don’t have to worry about it on top of all the administrative tasks they will have to fulfil?

A hospital mortuary is not going to be willing to dress and wrap a body in a shroud so someone is going to have to hire a van or have a car large enough to pick up your body then take you home to pop you into your shroud. Depending how long it has been since death your body could have already began to deteriorate and if you have had a traumatic death you might be a bit messy by then

Exactly!

How squeamish are the relatives? Do they REALLY want to be handling a dead body. Not just any dead body, but their loved one's dead body? It will likely be a first for them, I imagine. It's a big ask for those in grief.

Also just a note to say that if you want to donate your body to science and skip all this business, be sure to have a backup plan as often bodies are not wanted for certain other reasons.

Burial at sea is an option at a few select places in the UK, but it is not cheap and also not a very dignified way to go, if you care about that sort of thing.

I find it incredible that people seem to be so unwilling to accept that I have thought of all of the things that need to be done. Why can't my family dress me? Or take me on my final journey? Once upon a time it was how we were all buried. If it's not for you then fine, I'm not saying you have to do the same but it is a valid alternative. I have thought it all through you know. And lastly I believe that in some religions/ communities it is still the norm to do most of the funeral within the family.

Can I please REMIND everyone that you are not forced to pay for parents funerals!!

Only parents are forced to pay for children's funerals.

If my mum dies and she's left nothing for a funeral, I'm not paying for it.

PS, my husband is used to dead bodies, he has had to take them to the mortuary in a previous job.

Do they REALLY want to be handling a dead body. Not just any dead body, but their loved one's dead body? It will likely be a first for them, I imagine.

And herein lies the problem. This was not unusual 100 years ago, until the great Western Death Machine took over the process of caring for a loved one after death -- it has become industrialised and hidden away. I know not everyone wants to deal with their loved one's dead body, but it is sad that it has become very much an unusual thing rather than the norm.

It's a big ask for those in grief

^This x 100. I think that attitude is utterly selfish.

I have discussed it and it is written down.And I will be ok to do it for my loved ones.

Well I for one am hugely relieved that my DM decided to take out a plan setting out exactly what she wanted - which was a simple no frills cremation without ceremony - before she developed severe dementia and all her assets were absorbed into care fees. Bless her for thinking of us in this way.

My friend’s new husband died unexpectedly, and she had no way of paying for a funeral. For the basic, bog standard funeral it was £2500.

Funeral costs are considerable. My mum saved and left instructions (and the money) for what she wanted to take the pressure of Dad and us.

I’ve got a funeral plan, as does DP. Purely because we want to make things easier for the one left behind and the bairns when the time comes.

I don’t like those snotty adverts, so I’m with you on that OP, but I do think it’s sensible to consider what will happen after we die and not lumber our grieving families with sorting it all out.

I have umpteen nephews and great nephews. We are a big family. I think there will be enough.

Lois, you shouldn't have to defend your plans. Everyone's plans will be different (most don't even have a plan!) and it's wonderful that you have discussed this with your family and they have agreed.

There is nothing wrong with after death plans that fall outside the norm: natural burial, keeping the body at home, not involving a FD. As long as all parties are informed and approve of the arrangement it's no one else's place to judge.

Since the one person who can’t be at the funeral is the Dearly Departed, it baffles me that people expect to dictate what happens. I’m going to make sure there is money to pay for it, but beyond that my family can do whatever they like with my remains. I won’t know.