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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up with my mum nagging me over my eating?

74 replies

WaitingForSunday17 · 10/06/2018 22:19

I’ve lost a bit of weight over the last twelve months, about a stone and a half so not loads. I’m now borderline bmi but still not underweight. I don’t intend to lose much more but literally every time I speak to my mum she asks what I’ve eaten that day and goes on about not eating enough.

I’m an adult. I’m clearly not fading away. The weight loss has slowed right down and I’m pretty much maintaining now so I’m obviously eating enough to survive!

Aibu to just want her to leave it alone?

OP posts:

Neverender · 10/06/2018 22:19

Have you asked her to stop talking about it?

Monty27 · 10/06/2018 22:22

You need to give more information. How did you lose it, what do you weigh and how tall are you?

LilacIris · 10/06/2018 22:22

My mum used to do this. In the end I had to tell her that it prevented me from calling her or answering the phone.

SerenDippitty · 10/06/2018 22:24

If you now have a borderline underweight BMI you do not need to lose any more weight. It sounds like you may have gone too far.

Original poster

WaitingForSunday17 · 10/06/2018 22:25

I’ve told her to stop going on at me, I’m not exactly emaciated! She keeps saying ‘how much have you lost’ and when I said ‘no more’ she says she doesn’t believe me! But it’s the truth! I have started wearing more fitted clothes so possibly I look like I’ve lost more lately but I honestly haven’t.
It’s driving me crazy!

OP posts:

BrutusMcDogface · 10/06/2018 22:27

sounds like she's worried about you?

CheeseGirl4 · 10/06/2018 22:28

What do you mean by borderline BMI? On the boundary of being underweight? If so, assume you realise that underweight is not a target and is in fact the stage where you could start suffering from health issues because of your weight? Given that isn't a natural weight for you, I can understand your Mum's concern.

Original poster

WaitingForSunday17 · 10/06/2018 22:31

I would need to lose 4lb more to be underweight according to the nhs bmi calculator which I take with a pinch of salt anyway.

My natural weight if I wasn’t being careful is probably half a stone more than I am now but I was too big at my pre weight loss weight.

OP posts:

Pippylou · 10/06/2018 22:34

Under 18 bmi is likely to be pretty lean & whilst you are fine when you're well, you are possibly light on fat reserves. Restricted eating when already lean can impact nonessential body functions, like reproduction. Affects bone strength too.

How are your periods? No need to answer but if you're starting to miss them...

twattymctwatterson · 10/06/2018 22:36

She's worried about you. If you're borderline underweight and saying things like you're "not planning on losing much more" I probably would be too

CaparaAlecha · 10/06/2018 22:40

Bmi isn't be and end all. How do you know you were too big? For a lot of people, where you are is indeed too thin. I know someone who stopped menstruating and was told by medical professionals that she was too thin and likely to cause herself damage like osteoporosis at what would still be considered a normal bmi according to the guidelines.

To be honest, from the very little information you've provided, therr is a sense of some body dysmorphia and i would probably be worried if i were your mother.

Original poster

WaitingForSunday17 · 10/06/2018 22:43

Current bmi is 18.8 so it’s ok.
Previously was 23 I think so has come down quite a bit. At 23 I was too big which I why I take it with a pinch of salt as according to their healthy weight thing I could have been about another 10lbs heavier and still been ok.

I’ve had her on the phone tonight crying about it. Crying. And asking what I’ve eaten today in tiny detail.

OP posts:

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 10/06/2018 22:50

Does your Mum have form for being over dramatic? Or has anyone else made similar comments to you?

Original poster

WaitingForSunday17 · 10/06/2018 22:53

Nope, just my mum. Other people have remarked I’ve lost weight but that’s it. And not lots of people, mainly people who hadn’t seen me for several months. Because it’s been gradual and isn’t all that dramatic I think it’s only really noticeable if you haven’t seen me for a while.

My mumdoes get a bit worked up over things. I would say she tends towards the anxious, but I do over my children so I guess I can’t blame her for that.

OP posts:

CaparaAlecha · 10/06/2018 23:00

If you've gone from a bmi of 23 to one of 18.8 then you've lost a shed load of weight when you weren't overweight to begin with.
I don't blame your mum for worrying.

Maxstress3 · 10/06/2018 23:04

My eldest son is 22 and slim. I've constantly worries about him and dragged him to the dietician and spent so.much time in the kitchen making many different dishes so that he'd eat and put weight on. Unfortunately he hasn't put much on and I realised how much I was stressing him out by nagging. I've taken a step back and let him eat what he wants and don't go on about it and he seems happy. I think he'll increase his weight when studies and work pressure subsides. Your mum is concerned as was I. I worries and lost sleep over it thinking he might have other health issues. Just sit and talk to her.

Pippylou · 10/06/2018 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EastMidsMummy · 10/06/2018 23:06

So you've gone from a healthy BMI to one which puts you on the border of underweight and you pan to keep losing?

She's right to be concerned.

musicposy · 10/06/2018 23:08

In the nicest possible way, OP, I had anorexia a few years back and I recognise how I was in a lot of what you are saying.

You shouldn't be losing any more. You should be trying to put a bit back on. It's hard to face up to this, I know, because losing weight becomes addictive, but you really should try.

I did huge damage to my body and though I recovered I'm still living with the repercussions of it now. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wish I knew then what I know now.

Your mum is worried, and rightly so. Try to be honest with yourself. Maybe a chat with someone impartial like your GP would be a good idea. They will soon settle whether you are fine as you are or not.

Wolfiefan · 10/06/2018 23:09

I agree that if you've gone from healthy BMI to borderline underweight then that's a concern.
Saying you take BMI with a pinch of salt and it's just because you wear more fitted clothes all sounds like minimising TBH.

musicposy · 10/06/2018 23:11

And for other posters on here it's best not to mention actual weights. It can be triggering and can give people with problems something to compete against. It's never a good idea on a thread where someone is, by their own admission, borderline underweight.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/06/2018 23:12

She's obviously worried about you op.

What's your relationship with her like generally?

PlantsArePeopleToo · 10/06/2018 23:12

How exactly have you lost the weight OP?

Original poster

WaitingForSunday17 · 10/06/2018 23:13

I’m 5ft 5’ and ive gone from 9st 7lbs to 8 stone.

I’ve stayed about there since February so I’m not losing much more, if any.
I think with it being hot I’ve been in vests etc not jumpers so it’s probably more noticeable.

OP posts:

Tistheseason17 · 10/06/2018 23:15

I think you know you may have an issue. I may be reading into it... but, seems like you're pleased with your unhealthy BMI..

Can I suggest a chat with your GP just in case something, other than reduced food consumption, is causing your weight loss ?

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