To be fed up with my mum nagging me over my eating?

[WaitingForSunday17]

I’ve lost a bit of weight over the last twelve months, about a stone and a half so not loads. I’m now borderline bmi but still not underweight. I don’t intend to lose much more but literally every time I speak to my mum she asks what I’ve eaten that day and goes on about not eating enough.

I’m an adult. I’m clearly not fading away. The weight loss has slowed right down and I’m pretty much maintaining now so I’m obviously eating enough to survive!

Aibu to just want her to leave it alone?

If your mum was crying then it really does sound like she's just worried.

Have you tried talking to her about her concerns?

Even your bmi calculation is off. You had a bmi of 22 and now you have one of 18.6.
I'm sorry op but i think you have a problem too. Like others with experience of anorexia have said, these are some of the symptoms.
Please dont cut your mother off, i know it's hard to see, but she is right to be worried.

a very good friend of mine is 7.5 stone. She’s 5ft 3ins - she is minuscule and wears a size 6-8. If you are that weight at 2ins taller you are clearly very small and I’d be concerned too.

I second the GP suggestion.

If you honestly do think you're fine then a GP visit might be in order to just to put your mum's mind at rest.

I'm 5'5" and once, after 'flu, in my 20s, I hit 8 stone. It's thin.

Hi OP,

Have you had any issues with being underweight or near underweight before OP? It does sound like it tbh and would make sense from your Mum's reaction.

I'm 5' 2 and before I was pregnant I was around your current weight with a bmi of 22. No way was I too big. Being borderline underweight is not healthy. I imagine your mum is just worried. Especially if you keep saying that you 'might' not lose anymore which makes it sound like you could push yourself over to underweight at any time.

When people say take BMI with a pinch of salt it is normally at the overweight/obese end (ie the very muscular rugby players can come out obese).

The NHS says that under 18.5 might be a sign you’re underweight so you are very close to the threshold. Long-term it is statistically better for your health to be slightly overweight than under. For a lot of people (note not everyone) to get to that level of bmi requires quite a bit of effort and it is easy to get obsessed. It may be this that is worrying your mum especially as you have been talking about losing a bit more. Are you eating a healthy diet now? Do you have the energy to do what you want? Do you avoid social occasions linked to food?

I know what you mean. I look fat at anything above a 23 bmi; my sister looks normal (and not skeletal at all) at a 18 bmi, so I think we are just small framed. Everyone carries their weight differently. As long as you are healthy and maintaining your mum should shut up.

Just posting to second what user said - the unreliability in BMI calculators tends to be that they don't differentiate between muscle and fat, so they can label you as heavier when in fact you have more muscle . So they tend to "inflate" your BMI.

I think your mum may have a point.

BMI is fine for the vast majority of the population. Of course there are outliers like with any mass measurement tool.

I just worry that the amount of times people say "BMI is useless" will be seen as an excuse or reinforcer for people who are struggling with their weight at either end of the scale

"I’m 5ft 5’ and ive gone from 9st 7lbs to 8 stone."

Please take on board everyone's comments on here and those of your mum.

You sound like you are in denial and are venturing into eating disorder territory.

You’ve said you don’t intend to lose ‘much’ more. You don’t need to lose any more. You are already borderline underweight.

Your poor mum. Sorry but you do sound rather obsessed. Loss of weight for your height could impact likelihood of osteoporosis in later life, your teeth etc. It happens quite slowly but it does happen. We have a female in our family with bulimia who has weakened teeth and many dental bridges at her young age. It's a great shame.
Eating disorders are deeply complex with the sufferer seeking to normalise their behaviour. I'm sure it would make your mum very happy to see you eat a whole pizza or pork pie in front of her. I think for your height, you must appear to be quite thin.
Consider seeking some help before your situation does become any worse.

I don’t intend to lose much more

You dont need to lose anymore!

Your mum's wasting her time by nagging you, but she's correct to be worried. She loves you and cares about your wellbeing, so you should value that at least.

You're too thin, I bet you're under 8 stone.

I can see her point at 8 stone you are still looking to lose more and thinking about the margin between you being a healthy weight and underweight

If OP had always been 8 stone no-one would be saying it is unhealthy. It is not unhealthy to be at the bottom end of the recommended BMI range.
OP just reassure your mum that you don't intend to lose any more and are eating healthily (and make sure those things are both true.)

It must be so stressful for your mother seeing her DD failing to nourish yourself properly. Try and put youself into your mums shoes....imagine you had raised and loved a child all their life, then you visibly see that they are not eating and flourishing. I'm sure she's probably lying awake at night worried sick. I admire her for nagging you probably against a barrage of resistance.
Not eating is often a symptom of another problem and a desire to reestablish some sense of self control over life. Please think about this, what are you really trying to actually achieve here?

If you don't intend on losing much more and you have 4lbs until you're underweight how much exactly are you planning on losing? I really don't think you should lose any more. I would be concerned if I was her too. Underweight shouldn't be a goal, just as overweight shouldn't.

having been to a few anorexia workshops a 18 BMI is usually healthy for those who have always been very slight and a low percentile through childhood. I know my DD at 18 BMI her periods begin to stop and her body and reasoning start to shut down.

She's asking you what you're eating...out of interest what are you eating? Are you telling her the truth about what you're eating?

I've gone from 10.2 to 8.5 and BMI of 25 to 20

People are stopping me in the street with a WOW face (and not in a good way)

I stepped on the scales this am and I've put a pound on - go me.

I also think

I’ve stayed about there since February so I’m not losing much more, if any.
I think with it being hot I’ve been in vests etc not jumpers so it’s probably more noticeable

This ^ is significant.

Op, have you had issues with weight loss before? Is your mum recognising a pattern?

At 5.5 and eight stone you will likely look very thin. The fact you'd still probably like to lose more of you could and take youtself into clinically underweight tells us there is a problem.

I think also you need to listen to your mum. You may not be very well.