To be fed up with my mum nagging me over my eating?

[WaitingForSunday17]

I’ve lost a bit of weight over the last twelve months, about a stone and a half so not loads. I’m now borderline bmi but still not underweight. I don’t intend to lose much more but literally every time I speak to my mum she asks what I’ve eaten that day and goes on about not eating enough.

I’m an adult. I’m clearly not fading away. The weight loss has slowed right down and I’m pretty much maintaining now so I’m obviously eating enough to survive!

Aibu to just want her to leave it alone?

I would worry if my daughter was that weight and height. You keep saying 'too big' about a height/weight ratio which is normal and healthy which gives the impression that you have issues with your body image.

I'm 5ft 6ins. 8 stone is very very light for the height. Your starting weight would have been slim - size 10/12 ish?
I think you may now be very skinny and maybe your mum thinks you may have an eating disorder. If she is crying as she is worried you havent eaten enough - that sounds very worrying. Could she be correct OP and you are in denial?

I'm 5ft 4 and 8 stone, down from 10.5. I definitely don't look "very thin". I'm slim and healthy, size 8-10, and I'm sure my personal trainer (a good friend and someone who is focused on all round health not on just working out) would say something if she thought otherwise.

There is no reason just on the face of those stats why the OP is unwell/borderline anorexic or anything else.

I think the only concerning thing is that you say you don't want to lose 'much' more. You definitely don't need to lose any more weight and that may suggest you have gone too far. I imagine you are quite thin.

Are you quite restrictive about what you eat? When I get to the stage of thinking how many calories are in a piece of fruit I think I'm getting too restrictive.
I accept that all calories count but counting the calories in fruit is really only a healthy approach if you are overweight.
I have past ED.

I'm 5'4" weigh 7 stone 11, OP's weight is fine.

Well, your mum cares about you, but it is annoying to have someone commenting on your weight and asking what you’re eating. I think people feel freer to comment on weight on the lower side as well, as they don’t think it’ll annoy/offend. Best to try not to engage in conversations about it or to say ‘I don’t want to discuss my weight’. Still, I guess you can’t stop people who love you being concerned.

If you take BMI with a pinch of salt, then you should also accept that for you, you may already be at an unhealthy weight in spite of your BMI being 'ok'.

I need to remind myself of this when looking at my goals, because I have a broad frame (honestly big boned - shoulders, hips etc - I can carry more weight than a smaller person). For me, a BMI of 25 looks very slim indeed.

Shambu and Patricia - what's your frame like though?

(some info here...)

www.livestrong.com/article/448405-bmi-with-frame-size/

As I say, mine is broad - wrist measures just over 7.5". It makes a massive difference to what looks right on me, and SO many people miss it out of their estimations.

(It doesn't help me either - being genuinely big boned helps conceal unhealthy weight gain because it sits better on me!)

It's draining and frustrating to have someone bring something up during every conversation with them. My mother was like that, she would go months absolutely obsessed about things like how I should deal with my father when I used to live with him to how I should do my hair to what birth control I should use. I kept trying to keep communication open for reasons, I'd hoped one day we would properly reconcile, but it became further weight on the pile on what I was carrying to deal with her. I think constantly bringing it up and calling you a liar about it very unhelpful and I don't think you're unreasonable to be fed up with that treatment.

While I think she could handle her concern better, I can see why she and others here are concerned. Having been underweight for several years (in my mid-twenties, I had a goal of getting up to 8 stone and I am a similar height to you) until few years ago, I would be concerned if someone I was close to dropped to a similar weight because I'm very aware of the increased risks of certain health issues at that size. It's more difficult to maintain iron and other nutrient stores that the body relies on, low weight does make it harder for the body to deal with certain stresses, if you're using a low calorie diet to maintain below what you've called your 'natural weight' there is the concern that you're not getting enough and the body can go a while like that - humans are a highly adaptable species as we can manage to survive on way less than it optimal - but it does increase the risk of your health crashing which having been there, I would want anyone to avoid if they can.

I'm currently going through a period where I'm about two stone lighter than a year or so ago - not much above where you are now - mostly due to incredibly low appetite and, like many with chronic illness, I've been recommended and use supplements like Meritene to help me keep the nutritional lack of my diet at bay while I can't stomach eating. Having been through before and knowing how the slow loss means I think I feel normal/fine while everyone else is avoiding telling me the differences they're noticing until I crash, I am being a bit more proactive this time and, yeah, if one of my kids were doing the same, I would want them to get their stores checked if possible and to take precautions against the risks of low weight themselves. Some people can thrive there, but it's important for anyone to know how they're body is doing when it changes like that and to be aware that there are natural limits which the body can hold off for a time but will eventually enforce, sometimes harshly.

Hmmm, I think you sound very thin which might be ok if it wasn’t you losing weight to be there. Ie if it was you natural comfortable weight where you were without dieting or managing your food.

What have we done to ourselves. Really. I wonder this every day with all the dieting and makeup and beauty regimes. We’re like a parody of ourselves.

I'm 5.4 & 10 stone now - not happy with that weight but I still look fibe! But I wouldn't drop past 8.5 stone as I think at 5'4 that looks too thin.
I spent most of my life (until the past 8 months) being 8.5-9 stone
I'm very obsessive with weight and my food, and have serious issues with it. Be careful that you're not falling down that road as it makes for a very unhappy life!
Makes me feel sad reading your post as I can identify with you completely

thecats by your measure - my wrist size is 5 inches - so small frame.

If you’re BMI is 18.8 then you are borderline underweight. Any mum would be worried FFS

Does she see what and how you eat? Is it your eating or your weight she nagging you about?

Think you need to take this to an objective 3rd party in real life as none of us can actually see how you look and what you eat.

What sort of food do you eat on a normal day ?

You sound like you are too thin actually, OP.

I’m 5’6 with a small frame and if I go under 9 stone people start telling me I’m looking a bit skinny.

OP, you’re fine. People are funny about weight, especially on this forum. I’ve been told by my doctor that it’s better to be lean. I am 5.8 and weigh 8 stone 11 but I can assure you I am not underweight. I have been this weight for years and been healthy. I am still a size 10, not remotely an eight. After each pregnancy I have gone down to this weight naturally and stayed there. Please don’t let people here convince you to put weight on!!!

Also the average BMI in the UK is higher than in say France or Italy.

In France it's considered healthy to be at the low end of the healthy BMI, they don't fret about being underweight. But being overweight is seen as a much bigger health issue than it is here. It's seen as unhealthy.

@thecats, interesting link. I’m only 5ft 2 but with a 6in wrist I’m a large frame. I looked tiny at 8.5st. I currently weigh 9st 5 and look fine, though I wouldn’t mind losing 5lb or so.

I'm 5'5" and weigh 8 stone. I am honestly not skinny. Yes, I have a small frame but I also have curves and a belly and plenty of body fat. It depends on your body type and natural weight, though. If OP is losing too much body fat, she may well look a bit unhealthy hence her mother's comments.

Without seeing what kind of frame you have it is impossible for anyone of us to know if you are too thin or not. I’m 5ft 6 and 8 stone would be extremely thin for me as I have a muscular frame and am a size 8/10 at 10 stone.

Dramatising on this thread!!!

You are still in the HEALTHY range. You are not underweight.

So long as you are not depriving yourself of nutrients, you will be fine.

We’ve some strange revulsion to thin people these days.

YANBU. I have a similar BMI - 18.7 - after losing weight post baby. Thing is, BMI doesn't take into account the balance of muscle / fat. So even though I'm supposedly borderline / approaching underweight I don't have a lot of muscle on me and my body fat percentage is definitely in the healthy range (and accumulates on the thighs)! So people tell me I'm looking very slim and I do look fine dressed, but i'm actually kind of "skinny fat" and I wouldn't mind losing 3-4lb of fat still - but I am also going to the gym to try to put on muscle, which may increase my BMI in time.

Have you tried responding to her questions with "Mum, I am not going to discuss food or my weight with you."
"Stop it mum"
"My weight is in the healthy range. I am not going to discuss it with you."
"You are obsessed with my weight. Lay off."
"15 mars bars for breakfast alone"
"A small glass of prosecco last Tuesday."
"I haven't eaten since 1976" (thanks to ab fab)
"I've started avoiding you you know because of all this rude and judgemental interrogation. Stop it."