AIBU to plan a pregnancy mid University course?

[Twistedinknots]

Hi everyone,

I am almost 35 with a 4 yr old child and have been accepted onto a uni course which starts this September. I've never been to uni before and neither have any women in my family.

I've wanted another baby for a while but while my partner loves children, he isn't keen on the baby stage.
The other day he surprised me by saying maybe we should have another baby. We enjoy being parents and although money and space is tight (at the moment) i'm sure we'd cope well.
We have a happy family life.

I would be 39 on completion of my full time course (integrated masters with sandwich yr) and the age-gap between children would be 9yrs+

If I tried to plan a baby for the end of yr1 i'd be 35 or yr2 36.
I can't decide what would be best, i'm frightened if I cancel my application then I will be unable to achieve another offer, and I know maternal age increases risks.

So my question is this, AIBU to have a baby mid course? I wouldn't be able to return to the course until at they were at least a year old, if not two. Wouldn't I just be messing the university around?

???! But her OP???

Well, they must be financially well off to afford a second degree, childcare for two, on her DP's wage. Relying on one wage without marriage is brave. Biology doesn't entitle you to further undergraduate funding/loans.

So OP doesn't have a degree already? Childcare grants still don't cover enough. OP, Can you afford childcare?

I've just did it. Pregnant in first year (of 2 year) masters. A masters which I need to do placement for. It's been tiring but tbh the university have to work around you. My uni have been great. I would go for it. Just get your timings right.

Hi,
No I don't have a degree already.
Currently my partner and I are both self employed and chose our own hours, I am completing my access course now so work very little. We are very flexible and share childcare/school run.
I qualify for the learner loan.

My first baby was the worst kind of sleeper and I BF for a year. I am under no illusions as to how bad things can get with sleep deprivation (which is why I would take at least one year out)

It wouldn't be a learner loan for a biology degree, though, would it? It would be student loans, and tuition fee loans. That's a lot of debt. Are you planning for your partner to do all childcare, potentially ten hours a day, then work? The dp that doesn't especially like babies?

You're right learner loan was for access. The tuition fee loans. It is a lot of debt but no different to any other student.
My partner is good with toddlers and small children not little babies though.
I was hoping to do a mixture of partner-myself-nursery care preferably taking two years out mid-course.
I have no-one to ask IRL about the viability of this plan.
I am wondering about changing course or university (although I don't want to) to try and make everything fit.

It’ll be more disruptive than you probably realise to take time out mid-degree. For one thing, you’ll be separated from your original cohort and will then be an outsider to the second cohort you join. Two years’ out is huge.

Have you considered PT options over 5-6 years?

I personally wouldn't start a course like this and try to get pregnant at the same time. It will disrupt your learning and it will be hard to resume.

You can defer university courses once you are on them but only within your allowed period of registration. Your registration period is immovable. In my institution that would give you a maximum of two extra years to complete the course regardless of circumstances including illness etc. You need to check this aspect out. Ditto funding implications.

How much hands on work did your OH do within DC1? Because you don’t want to get stuck trying to do all your university work with a baby and DC1 hanging off you permanently whilst he swans in and out. He needs to be completely willing to pull his weight here.

I have just finished my degree after having DD in January. Was advised to take a year out but my partner and I worked together and make it work. I'm graduating end of the month and got my predicted 2:1. It's totally doable, hard!, but absolutely doable.

Also just wanted to add that universities are usually very supportive, mine definitely wasn't, but I've heard others are able to accommodate your needs well.

I was pregnant with my second in my third year of a law degree, gave birth a week before law finals before dissertation. It was hard. But if I’d taken time out it would have been a train wreck. I also had a three year old. I missed a lot, but I new I had to get it done. I did. I also then got a masters and now have my dream career, nice house with a mortgage and prospects. This wouldn’t be the case if I’d taken a break. It really wouldn’t. The university will support you, but in the end you’ll need to prioritise it. In the end the kids get what they need- when they’re teenagers and asking for fifty quid every weekend. We worked out ours have cost us 5k this year alone

I took a year out, I already had 2dcs so was doing a slightly less intense 4yr course (with work placements) where the final year was mostly a research project and dissertation.

I planned so dc3 was born September as I knew I would need a full year out. I rejoined for final year and he went to nursery. I has a buddy who also had the same year out for a baby which helped.

It affected my results slightly (I got a 2:1) as I had hyperemesis.

I'd get the degree done first because of the commitment and intensity required for the course. I couldn't string a sentence together post baby never mind write a dissertation. Also the practicalities of going to university versus the demands of young kids is hard. Organising child care when one child is ill etc. It's upto you but I'd think carefully before having another child. What's your support network like?

It’ll be more disruptive than you probably realise to take time out mid-degree. For one thing, you’ll be separated from your original cohort and will then be an outsider to the second cohort you join. Two years’ out is huge.

Have you considered PT options over 5-6 years?

I did exactly this. It was disruptive, but having a baby is disruptive! I got a first (just!!) and I enjoyed having two cohorts - I made a really good friend in the second cohort who remains a good friend, years after our course fished.

I would have found part time really difficult with a baby. I needed that time off.

Having two cohorts would not bother me either.

When I first posted this I was hoping there would be a clear consensus either way.
I was looking forward to having potential pitfalls pointed out to me ( I like to be prepared)

I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to add their advice, it's been interesting reading!