AIBU to plan a pregnancy mid University course?

[Twistedinknots]

Hi everyone,

I am almost 35 with a 4 yr old child and have been accepted onto a uni course which starts this September. I've never been to uni before and neither have any women in my family.

I've wanted another baby for a while but while my partner loves children, he isn't keen on the baby stage.
The other day he surprised me by saying maybe we should have another baby. We enjoy being parents and although money and space is tight (at the moment) i'm sure we'd cope well.
We have a happy family life.

I would be 39 on completion of my full time course (integrated masters with sandwich yr) and the age-gap between children would be 9yrs+

If I tried to plan a baby for the end of yr1 i'd be 35 or yr2 36.
I can't decide what would be best, i'm frightened if I cancel my application then I will be unable to achieve another offer, and I know maternal age increases risks.

So my question is this, AIBU to have a baby mid course? I wouldn't be able to return to the course until at they were at least a year old, if not two. Wouldn't I just be messing the university around?

I was pregnant in my third year. Had my DS in spring just as teaching had finished, and we basically had time off for dissertations. It was tough. I had to cram the final modules in and do as much of my dissertation as early as possible so I had minimal work with a newborn around. Uni were pretty good about it though. I got extenuating circumstances to bump up my grade a bit so got the 2:1 I was aiming for.

I think it’s going to be one of those things you can’t overplan for. Have a think about different things like deferring, and check out whether your uni has a nursery etc, but remember that fertility is a weird thing and you can’t always predict it!

Is there a nursery at your uni? How far is your uni from where you live?

We travelled to nursery/university together on the train and it was nice to spend that time together (not a crowded route though, generally, which I'm sure makes a difference).

Why don’t you TTC after the Christmas of your 3rd year? You will only be 37. Plenty of people have their first at 37; you’ve already had one, so no known fertility issues iyswim. ( I had my first at 40)

Why is your partner suggesting anchoring you with a baby just as you're about to get educated well? It's a interesting piece of timing.

This was exactly what I thought too.

I could barely look after myself at the end of final year (dissertation stress)! So I don’t think I’d choose to do this.

Also the weird timing of your dh suggesting this, would make me a bit wary, but I’m a bit jaded I think!

Let me guess post-92? I'm so glad none of mine do.

No, not post-29 - a very highly ranked UK university. Not RG, but very good.

I'm so glad I'm not such a snob

Post-92*

Anyone who refers to ‘RG’ and ‘post-92’ needs to get over themselves and start looking more critically at actual outcome data from individual institutions

Slightlyperturbedowlagain

I only mentioned RG because I've met people who hold this in very high esteem, regardless of output. I've worked at RG unis and much prefer where I currently am in terms of innovation, student experience, etc.

Don’t hold your breath slight

amusedbush

Hmmm.
Things I would consider if it were me:
Being dog tired in the first trimester - needing to write essays, possibly after your 4 year old is in bed?
Economics: Uni fees, loss of your salary or wage in favour of studying, needing childcare for your studying, and possibly needing after school childcare for your 4 year old, depending on times of lectures etc?
If you finish the course and THEN have a baby, will you be able to get back into the job market using your new skills and qualifications?
If you have a baby now, will you be able to start the course in two years time, and then go straight it on he job market? I think if you do a course with a year in industry, it would be a loss of a great opportunity not to be able to use your contacts made in the sandwich year as soon as possible .

Have the baby first, then see how you feel about managing a course with 2 kids? You could start the course when the baby is 3 months, or a year?

Battleax
I know, sigh...

University is about more than the work, there is a lot of social stuff which may already be hard to take part in if you have young family.
If that is not a problem start your course and get pregnant if you can. Otherwise you have to choose. Hopefully you have straightforward pregnancy, it will be hard and your partner will have to help you, but not impossible. If it becomes too much you can defer. Good luck

University is about more than the work, there is a lot of social stuff which may already be hard to take part in if you have young family.
Look out for mature student networks and groups for a whole range of activities that are accessible for students at a different life-stage.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to write, I will have a closer read tomorrow.
Norma - I am so sorry for your loss. I can't possibly imagine.

To answer some questions, I live 30 miles from the Uni (I think I will stick to calling it that from now on ;)
The commute will be by train and car in the midlands.
The Uni has a creche.

To answer some questions, I live 30 miles from the Uni (I think I will stick to calling it that from now on ;)
The commute will be by train and car in the midlands.
The Uni has a creche.

Who will take your 4 year old to school? How old does the baby need to be to go into the crèche?

I did this. MASSIVE MISTAKE.
I imagined working nicely stroking my bump. Then I got baby brain and morning sickness and that awful tiredness and couldn't think at all. My work was of lower standard than normal. Then afterwards, even after mat leave I was getting no unbroken sleep so I was knackered and weepy. I felt guilt leaving the baby and guilt I couldn't achieve what I wanted.
Either defer and do it now, or wait until afterwards. Pregnancy isn't just like being not pregnant but with a bump, it is horrible at least for the first three months.

Can you afford the creche? As it's your first degree, there may be grants, but childcare is expensive. Some uni creches have long waiting lists, will you get in? Can you afford increasing fuel costs and driving 300miles per week? Uni and a baby is hard, with a ?45min+ each way commute? Madness.

It's her 2nd degree train.

No she says clearly in the OP;

I've never been to uni before and neither have any women in my family.

Are you self funding or do you have a scholarship?

She says it's her first degree.

There are childcare grants, but they won't cover a full time nursery place for an under 2 in many parts of the UK.

She did a degree in criminology and got a 2.2

Wrong thread
Sorry