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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not a scrounger for getting "free" furniture

111 replies

GuessImAscroungerthen · 10/06/2018 18:52

I have 2 young kids have had to completely move area while escaping from abusive ex. Left everything behind and was homeless for weeks before (v luckily I know) being offered a small council house which I'm extremely grateful for.

I'd already been working with women's aid and social services mainly for emotional support but women's aid also gave me some laundrette vouchers when I was homeless as I was struggling with the costs of doing washing at a laundrette (£4 to wash and dry a load adds up quick when you've got v little money). Anyway, women's aid offered me a Argos voucher when I told them about getting a home which I took and social services also gave me an Argos voucher, IKEA voucher and B+Q voucher. Added together I have a bit over a thousand pounds in vouchers which has gone a huge way towards getting everything we need, I bought the cheapest things I could and budgeted to the wire to get everything, but have still spent a few hundred on top... but I have almost everything now.
I am extremely greatful for this and plan on making a large donation to several charities to pay it forward, so to speak, when I can.
I've also recently been friendly with someone in my new area, we were chatting for a bit and she asked me how I was managing to furnish my house and if ex had given me money I said no I just had some vouchers given to me by women's aid and SS, she then acted a bit miffed with me so I went home, I tried to speak to her today and she said "I don't talk to scroungers" I was very upset and asked why she said that and apparently I'm a disgrace and have no shame allowing other people to pay for my furniture? I feel very guilty now, and embarrassed. I can't believe this has made her think so little of me. Sad
Aibu to hope I'm not a scrounger? I feel awful!

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 10/06/2018 19:08

She sounds awful and at least she died you get true colours now!!

In future, don't tell everyone all the details, of people are nozy like her they don't deserve the truth. Just say something vague and non committal "you can get some great bargains in charity shops and Gumtree" for example.

No you are not a scrounger.

ZingerTowerAddict · 10/06/2018 19:08

You're not a scrounger, you were given help there was funding at the time for. I had to set up a new home with kids after living in a refuge so started with nothing.

clyde5591 · 10/06/2018 19:11

You are no scrounger - its her problem totally.
Good on you for surviving and getting out of an abusive situation for you and your children.
There are always nosey people where ever you move - do not allow yourself to be demeaned by someone so shallow.

Nearlyhaveahouse · 10/06/2018 19:12

I think it's a great idea for the vouchers. Ppl are quick to judge if someone like yourself only serves up chips because they have no oven. Long term I think it saves the country money as you're now in a better position to provide a safe healthy environment for your kids. I know that sounds very simplistic and perhaps judgy in itself, but I think we do need to look at the bigger picture. Enjoy your new home. Flowers

Firesuit · 10/06/2018 19:12

There was nothing wrong with telling her because there's nothing wrong with getting that help. I agree it's not something that needs to be kept secret.

Unfortunately there are all sorts of weirdos in the world, you can't avoid them all by keeping your whole life secret, you just have to be ready to shun them once they reveal themselves.

theymademejoin · 10/06/2018 19:13

I'm sure women's aid and ss hand out vouchers willy-nilly to anyone who asks, without doing any checks on need, income, resources etc. so scroungers have no problem getting them......

She sounds like an extreme right-winger who doesn't believe society should help those in need or have a safety net in place. One advantage of living in a society that does help those in need is that people can get back on their feet and contribute in ways that would be impossible if they weren't helped.

So no, you are not a scrounger. You are temporarily in a situation where you need help. I want a society that will give that help where it is needed.

I'm sure it's difficult starting from scratch but no harm being a bit cautious about sharing with people until you get to know them better.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 10/06/2018 19:14

Just be glad you can now find better friends now.

starryeyed19 · 10/06/2018 19:14

She is an utter cow and do not pay her another speck of attention. I've donated to Women's Aid several times and I am thrilled that they give out donations to people who need them. More power to your elbow and I hope this is the start of bigger and better and brighter things for you and your family

Butterflykissess · 10/06/2018 19:15

i personally wouldnt have told anyone i barely know how i paid for something as to me thats private. not to be ashamed but i dont go around telling everyone my business.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/06/2018 19:16

This is what Women's Aid is for, surely, it's a charity to help women like you to rebuild their lives after escaping abusive men. How can a woman who is entitled to and deserves that help, who then accesses that help, be a scrounger?

This woman is horrible. Find some new friends

And all the best from me to you in your new life

hopelessandhopeful · 10/06/2018 19:16

Not sure why everyone is trying to blame the OP for the woman being a cunt.

lhavepassport · 10/06/2018 19:17

You don't need friends like that.
You took the DC out of an unsafe and damaging environment and they now need the basics of a home to thrive. Giving you some vouchers is by far the most cost effective way the state has of supporting and protecting your DC.
Don't give a second thought to it, this is exactly the sort of thing that taxes should be spent on.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 10/06/2018 19:18

Nobody is trying to 'blame' the OP, they are with her totally.

However, you learn the hard way that moving into a new area and telling people your business, is not a good idea.

People are just sharing that hard learnt fact with OP on this thread.

daffodillament · 10/06/2018 19:18

What an absolute cow ! She should be ashamed of herself. It's hard i know but try to forget it and yes, keep your business to yourself !

Furx · 10/06/2018 19:20

I'm really glad that the vouchers exist and that they helped you. I'd gladly pay more taxes to fund more schemes like that.

^this

Also, bullet dodged. If she is that much of a twat about you getting the help you deserve, what kind of areshole is she?

Imchlibob · 10/06/2018 19:20

You are not a scrounger. That woman was not a nice person and you are better off with her out of your life.

The people who gave to the charities who helped you, and the budget assigned to social services, we're specifically given for the purpose of helping women to escape from abusive men. You did nothing wrong.

Well done for escaping. Don't worry you will make real friends soon enough.

Butterflykissess · 10/06/2018 19:20

not blaming the op merely pointing out be more private and dont share all your information with just anyone.

WineGummyBear · 10/06/2018 19:22

We'll done OP for leaving abusive ex and getting you and your kids safely away and into a home where they are safe.

I'm astonished that someone would be so rude as to pry into your business. And so horrible and judgemental.

As pp have said. Some horrible, ignorant people out there.

Knittedfairies · 10/06/2018 19:23

I think you have done brilliantly well to make your new home for you and your children. Don’t let this idiot spoil your enjoyment of it; you didn’t get anything you’re not entitled to. Best wishes OP.

mollymawk · 10/06/2018 19:24

FFS. Your so-called friend is an idiot. This is exactly what Women’s Aid is FOR. Same for social services emergency funds. It would never occur to me not to tell someone who asked about it. You’ve done nothing wrong at all.

bluebeck · 10/06/2018 19:24

yanbu - I agree with others, you have dodged a bullet here. At least you found out early on what a cow she is.

I don't begrudge a penny of the tax I pay to help people in your position. Put it behind you, and concentrate on building a safe and happy life for you and your DC. Flowers

TERFragetteCity · 10/06/2018 19:24

I always offer furniture to refuges before freecycling it.

You do not need people like her in your life.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/06/2018 19:27

She actually said that? What a narrow sighted fool. And she sounds nosey to boot.

OP you should be fucking proud of yourself that you escaped an abusive relationship, survived homelessness and have managed to make a new life for yourself. You deserve a medal for such strength.

There's nothing wrong with accepting vouchers from a charity. If people take an issue, that's their problem.

gillybeanz · 10/06/2018 19:27

well done for getting away from your abusive x.
that woman isn't a friend, and you are certainly not a scrounger, you didn't ask to be in your position.
Please don't feel bad about the vouchers and whilst it's nice to give something back, please don't consider this until you are comfortable.
he vouchers are for people like you, who have been through hell.
Please don't give her another thought and certainly don't speak to her ever again. Thanks

AnnabelleLecter · 10/06/2018 19:28

She's spiteful.
Good luck op Flowers