To want a lie in on holiday????!

[Goldmonday]

Going on holiday with DH is becoming extremely aggravating.

We are currently in Venice for a week and he insists that we wake up at 7.30 am every single day and are dressed, eaten breakfast and out of the hotel by 9. This is commonplace wherever we go. So we are out of the hotel by 9 am and not getting back until after midnight.

This coupled with the fact that we are up late drinking wine every night means I am becoming more exhausted than what I am at home, as he also doesn't like to go to bed before 11!!!!!

AIBU to want a holiday where I don't have to fit around someone else's sleeping routines?!?! I'm sick of being called boring because I want to sleep in and drink coffee on the balcony all morning.

YANBU why not tell him to get up whenever he wants and you'll meet him for lunch?

Alternate between the two so that you're both happy?

One day wake at 7.30 (or a slightly more 'normal' time like 8/8.30) and leave hotel by 9/9.30. Next day get up at 10/11 and leave hotel by midday?

Sleep is really important!

Stay in bed, wave him off, order breakfast in your room, English newspapers, more coffee - enjoy your holiday!

DH and I often spend a few hours a day separately. I head back to my room for an afternoon snooze and he wanders off and finds somewhere interesting to visit later in the day. But we do both like getting up early..

Fuck. That.

That sounds exhausting. Can you not say ‘no’ and leave him to it for a couple of days?

DH and I always have 2/3 days doing fuck all with a book and lots of food and drink. Or did until we had kids. Ahhhh. I’ll get another holiday like that in, ooooh, 18 years I reckon!

It's your holiday too - send him exploring and meet him for lunch.

My OH is a bit like this, it’s hard for him to relax I think.. he likes to constantly be “doing” whereas I’m more of a “potterer”. Our comprise is that we get up earlyish - about 8.30/9 (what is even open in Italy before 10am!) and then do something in the morning, before either having a nice lunch/ lay by the pool/ look round the local shops on the afternoon then getting ready for dinner/drinks. Could a compromise be reached?

Go back to the hotel earlier in the evening saying you need more sleep. He can't have it both ways. If he wants to stay out alone he can.

Your DH sounds like me! We'd be perfect on holiday together.

YANBU
It’s your holiday too - I like to get out and get stuff done but also relax and pace it.
so for example, if we have a late night we make sure we have an easy day/ later start with “smaller” ticket items for the day.
If we’d are having a “big day” we eat an early dinner the night before and get out early.

I’d just say “I’m tired tomorrow I want a lie in” if he insistent let him do something he wants (a sight you are less keen on) and say you’ll join him midday to do whatever fun later plans that have been made.

Alternatively given its Venice and the queues get massive get out early to beat the queues but insist on a siesta or an early dinner/night

Yes, this is me on holiday as I'm a planner and don't like sleeping in when I'm abroad as I can do that at home! But then I don't drink so don't have to contend with the hangover or feeling peaky. For a city break holiday I'd always be up early and expect to be out most of the day sightseeing, but a beach holiday I'm more relaxed about (although I still like to be 'out' as I don't enjoy just sitting in a hotel room). Luckily DP is happy to go with the flow whatever.

It sounds like you just have different holiday expectations. It might be too late for this holiday, but maybe next time work out an itinerary together with a balance of 'doing stuff' and 'down time' before you go. Also just tell him you're tired and going to bed early - stick some ear plugs in and go to sleep.

My DM is like this. I just tell her I'm having a 'day off' and stay in my pyjamas.

Can you not just.. not get up?? I'd just roll over when he gets up and bury my head under the pillow!

Speak up for yourself. I am an early riser and like to walk for miles but DH likes sleep and isn't very active. Your DH has to learn to compromise and let you have the holiday you want as well. I don't wake DH and we do late breakfast most mornings and I don't drag him on walks. I let him relax at the beach. I get my exercise by swimming and ask what he would like to do.

Venice in June is exhausting enough without wandering from the crack of dawn.

Reminds me of a cousin who is never 'allowed' to have coffee on sidewalk cafes when she and her DH are abroad, because it's 'too expensive and a waste of money'. Even though she's the main wage-earner.

Just roll over and go back to sleep. It's your holiday. Do what you want, not what he wants. He's not accommodating you, is he?

Im in the middle, i like to be out by 10 when on holiday as i want to fit in as much as possible as i feel i can just have a lie in at home on the weekends and stuff, BUT 7.30 is abit too early, i would wake up at 8.30 and be out at 9.30 so i can go have breakfast and then go out for the day.

Ah, the art of compromise!

I think the strange thing is why you haven’t got the guts to tell him?

Is he a bully? Are you afraid of him?

I wouldn't want to laze about in a hotel when I could go and see the city I paid to go and see, tbh. 9.00 seems quite a reasonable time, not too early. But you could always say you'll meet him a little later at 'X' place if you want the occasional lie in.

Separate holidays seems to be the answer

When we are away, we go together to see things we both want to see.

More often though we split up during the day and do our own thing. Everyone is happy.

It can be suffocating being with someone 24/7 when that is not the norm!

I know it sounds strange, but it is not in the least. DH loves lying on a sunbed reading or listening to music. That would drive me bonkers!

So we have reached this compromise, and it works.

If you get up for a pee in the night, turn his clock back 2 hours.

But you could always say you'll meet him a little later at 'X' place if you want the occasional lie in.

What if she wants a lie in every morning? He's not doing her a favour by allowing her to have an 'occasional' lie in. Is he her boss?

Ha ha, brilliant HUSKY!

But it sounds to me like he is not able to be on his own, and wants to control every minute of the day. I'd be on the first plane home personally, or move to a different hotel. And then divorce him.

There has to be some middle ground-& why are you going along with it if it doesn't suit?

If I was "expected" (hahaha fucking ha!) to get up at 7.30, then I'd at least be going to bed at a time that suited me!

My DH is exactly the same, I tire much quicker than him and end up crashing. I was exhausted working shifts before one holiday, I slept for the first 3 days......he just moaned about how much I slept, no acknowledgement that I must have been exhausted to sleep so much.

He gets to go off on work trips that are activity based so I have now said that holidays in the sun doing nothing are what I need to feel refreshed, not being dragged power walking around a city 'to get out money's worth' 🙄