Shamed by ‘Mum friend’ for working

[Mrsmurphy86]

Hi, it’s my first time posting but feel so upset/outraged/angry by comments made today by a ‘friend’ I met at playgroup.

So the background is I’ve recently returned to work after having my first DD, I’ve been working 2 days per week and have just increased to 4 days.

I have been attending a local playgroup for the last year and not met any Mum friends until recently which I was really happy about.

My new friend H has a very different living situation to me, she is a single first time Mum living in London alone and her family are up north, I am a Londoner with a husband and close family and friends.

I’ve enjoyed her company so far apart from a few comments about it ‘not being ok for me to go back to work, why would I have a baby if that’s what I wanted to do’!!!

This came to a head today when H said she didn’t think I should have any more children if I’m just wanting to focus on my career and not care for DD.

I’ve reduced my hours at work, my husband has DD 1 day, my sister has her 2 days per week and we are all enjoying this arrangement.

Her comments have really hurt me as I thought it’s because we are very different, I’ve never judged her lifestyle but can’t help but feel attacked and judged by her comments... AIBU?

After this initial discussion she told me I shouldn’t even had DD, anyone can get pregnant but it’s a choice to look after your child.

Tbh it blew my mind how someone in a really shitty (self imposed) position can judge others like that, I’ve only been a friend to her and thought I had finally found someone to confide in about being a first time mum....

It’s called jealousy. Ignore her and move on with your life. If it’s right for you then it is right for you. End of!

Gatecrasher61

Having said that, my observations do seem to show that those children who do have a stay at home mummy do seem to be better adjusted and behaved. An exception is where childcare is provided by relatives.

I would have to say in my observations I have seen well adjusted children who are looked after by SAHM, relatives, childminders, nannies, and nursery who are all well adjusted and well behaved.

I have also seen very anxious children, and poorly behaved children who were also looked after by SAHM, relatives, childminders and nurseries.

There is no correlation among my group of mum friends of whom all the above apply to. One SAHM calls her kids the terrorists as they are such a handful!