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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Out too late - give me strength

75 replies

MigraineMonday · 09/06/2018 22:44

We have 2 DS (2 and 6). I rarely go out, leaving them w DH, approx 3 hours during the day once every 3 weeks or month to see friends. DH barely goes out alone (by choice) but works FT. With no family or childcare, I care for the kids the entire remainder. DH also travels frequently for work, and is leaving again for a couple of weeks tomorrow night.

Ages ago, I was bought tickets to the Harry Potter play as a surprise for my birthday. The play runs from 2 pm - 10 pm (breaks in between).

The theatre was too far to get back home in between so I've been out since 12:30 and just getting back. DH has had kids all day.

Received texts about my 'irresponsibility', 'wasting the day', being 'out too late' etc.

WIBU? How should I respond?

OP posts:
Calvinlookingforhobbs · 09/06/2018 22:47

Turn your phone off and enjoy your day/evening. Sorry your DH is such a knob.

gamerchick · 09/06/2018 22:49

Just ignore him and if he whines tell him it's about time you had regular time out away from the kids. Don't justify anything to him, you're allowed a breather.

BanginChoons · 09/06/2018 22:50

Turn your phone off, go out on the piss and rock up at about 6 am. Might as well wear the cap eh?

Is he usually this controlling?

Bookemdannoplease · 09/06/2018 22:53

Ignore him that's totally out of order. What a pig. Don't let him spoil yr night out.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 09/06/2018 22:54

Spending the day with his kids is "wasting the day"? Hmm

Given his working away, I think it is definitely your turn to have a break. Your willingness to parent on your own for extended stretches is what enables him to go on these trips, which presumably benefits his career?

iBiscuit · 09/06/2018 23:00

It's childish, but yeah, what BanginChoons said.

Original poster
MigraineMonday · 09/06/2018 23:01

Thank you all. I know it's not an unreasonable ask but I'm on my way home and I can already tell he's fuming.

The play is amazing though!

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 09/06/2018 23:02

Remind your DH that your children have 2 perfectly able parents and you aren't responsible for theatre times.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 09/06/2018 23:05

You modifying your behaviour and actions out of fear of his response is emotional abuse and manipulation.

LadyintheRadiator · 09/06/2018 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notgivingin789 · 09/06/2018 23:05

Wow ! The play is from 2pm- 10pm ? That’s a long play !

But yes, your DH is showing controlling behaviours.

MojoMoon · 09/06/2018 23:06

When you get home, don't get drawn into a row. Just refuse to engage with him on it

You have done nothing wrong.

You need to have a serious talk with him about his behaviour and expectations at some point but probably wait a few days and make notes to prepare yourself

Hope you enjoyed the play and your day out

StaplesCorner · 09/06/2018 23:10

Well, obviously he's an arsehole and that's a long term problem you have on your hands there. But just for now, out of interest, did he not know how long the play was/what it was and where you were going etc?

Bibesia · 09/06/2018 23:12

Point out that by going away he's going to be out a hell of a lot later than you.

Candlelight123 · 09/06/2018 23:16

He's moaning as he's found it difficult looking after the kids all day. Don't engage with him about it, you are entitled to some time on your own. It's his issue if he doesn't have friends to go out with- you don't have to be the same.

Goldmandra · 09/06/2018 23:16

Tell him you're sorry he found it such a challenge to manage his own children for a day. Assure him that you will make sure he has the opportunity for more practice so he gets used to it very soon. Then book a spa day for next weekend.

LovingLola · 09/06/2018 23:18

Did he know how long the play was going to be??

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 09/06/2018 23:28

goldmandra wish I had followed your advice. In hindsight it is so important that OH looks after the children without you. OP You need to train him now.

TheOriginalEmu · 09/06/2018 23:34

thats the kind of thing my ex used to do, on the very VERY rare occasions i went out with friends. (and i'm talking maybe 4 times in 10 years) every single occasion was spoiled by him sulking and having a tantrum about it. at a friends wedding he attended with me, he sulked off in the middle of the first dance because i was 'talking to a friend too much'. a friend who's partner had disappeared within 2 weeks of their own wedding and at that point was missing. but never mind that, i was 'neglecting him'.
He's now my ex. obviously.
Do NOT get sucked into this with him. don't jsutify yourself, don't apologise, just dont do anything. its his problem.

chocatoo · 09/06/2018 23:37

Do not apologise. If he says anything say ‘yes, I know: welcome to being a parent!’. I would thank him for his efforts during the day (do not thank him for ‘allowing’ you to go), don’t get drawn into discussion and go to bed. If he goes on, I would ask him not to undo all the good he has done by looking after his own kids for the day to enable a little downtime for his wife.

HollowTalk · 09/06/2018 23:40

I would say, "I've had a lovely time and I'm happy for you to do the same any time. Please don't spoil my night out."

chasingdonuts · 09/06/2018 23:41

Oh tell him to bore off (or something less polite) by the sounds of it you deserve a good night!

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 09/06/2018 23:41

If going to the theatre is "wasting the day" I've wasted an awful lot of days in my life....

Cupoteap · 09/06/2018 23:42

Wait till he is away and text him every hour telling him was a shit dad he is

KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/06/2018 00:01

Missing the point I know, but I've see the play too, OP. Fabulous, isn't it!

Your DH is being an arse.

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