Out too late - give me strength

[MigraineMonday]

We have 2 DS (2 and 6). I rarely go out, leaving them w DH, approx 3 hours during the day once every 3 weeks or month to see friends. DH barely goes out alone (by choice) but works FT. With no family or childcare, I care for the kids the entire remainder. DH also travels frequently for work, and is leaving again for a couple of weeks tomorrow night.

Ages ago, I was bought tickets to the Harry Potter play as a surprise for my birthday. The play runs from 2 pm - 10 pm (breaks in between).

The theatre was too far to get back home in between so I've been out since 12:30 and just getting back. DH has had kids all day.

Received texts about my 'irresponsibility', 'wasting the day', being 'out too late' etc.

WIBU? How should I respond?

How embarrassing. Presumably they were in bed for a while too.
If he views this as babysitting he needs to readjust his attitude.
If his problem is that you went out with friends then he is controlling.
Either way the constant texts seem designed to annoy or ruin your day.

Big discussion needed.

Wow- he sounds like a total dick!

Your DP is being a prat.
Hope you’re okay.

Sounds like you and him need a chat... controlling. Why don't you go out more often? Because 3 hours is his max with the kids?

He's a crap husband and father if he can't even manage half a day alone with the house and kids
I leave my husband for days and up to s week at a time, and he's left me for over two weeks alone with the kids before as we have holidays apart sometimes and his sport takes him abroad (that time they were 10 weeks and 3 1/2 years old) no one died!

Tell him to grow up

I’m pretty even tempered but this would send me into a rage.

Just as a counterpoint, I was a friend’s matron in honour recently and we had a 4 month old and a 5yo. DH was on overnight duty the day before the hen, the whole day and then the night and the next day (so Fri night to Sunday). As it goes I wasn’t hungover but on Sunday so was fully functioning first thing, but my DH was exhausted. His point of view was he should do more night wakings as it wasn’t right for me to be exhausted like that and looking after the children.

I’m seething just thinking about those texts he sent you. The selfish cunt. Irresponsible to leave them with a patent? Urgh.

Oh actually above comment my mum actually DID die whilst husband was away that trip for over two weeks .... she lived abroad so I wasn't there but I got on with it, went to see my brother and grieved with him and my kids

Presumably the kids go to bed at a reasonable hour so he has some downtime then. He sounds like a right fucking knob.

Well presumably he knew what was happening, so you can't be 'irresponsible' for staying out as long as you said you'd stay out. He's being incredibly unfair, and you have nothing to justify to him.

Is he doing that man thing of not listening/forgetting everything you tell him, and assuming you were out for a shorter period? If so, his problem, he needs to listen to you and not have a go because he didn't pay attention.

He is being a sulky brat because he doesn’t want you to have a life that’s independent of him and the children.

OP hope you are ok this morning and you sorted out your DH. I would have had a tendency to write back dear DH go $%*€ your self . HP play sounds awesome

I agree that he's being a controlling knob. Like the idea of saying "Sorry you had such a struggle managing your own kids" type thing. Is there a mutual Dad you know (that isn't a knob) so you could throw in a "Would you like me to ask Dave to give you some tips for next time? "

Hang on, did he agree to be home with the kids? Presumably you didn’t just spring it on him, he was perfectly well aware of what was happening?
So... wtf is he complainig about?

What a prat. Surely he knew how long it was before you went? If he can’t cope with his own kids for one day he definitely needs more practice.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that maybe he is looking at it this way; he is going away tomorrow night for a couple of weeks - and it would be nice to spend a bit of time together as a family before he heads of. That would be my thinking. I'd (rightly or wrongly) be upset if my DP spent the day before I went away for work doing something without me. Also, if he's going away for a few weeks with work, then he could do with a little downtime before he heads off, rather than minding the kids. When you're away with work you never switch off.

Yanbu. It’s a long show. You didn’t write it.

Sometimes, dads don’t realise the caring for children/parenting role on a full time basis is a JOB. My ex used to take DS into town for a few hours whilst I was in bed (I worked nights) . He’d get all frazzled and narky but then his idea of being a dad was an hour between tea and bath time, when he’d play with him (so I could tidy the kitchen and get ready for work 😐).

I’m glad you enjoyed the show and your DH has been “educated”.

Is this out of character because this is terrible behaviour. I wonder f he would feel comfortable if his or your family saw those texts because they reveal him to be very controlling. Is he otherwise controlling.

Anyway tell him to wind his neck in or he will be looking after the kids for 48hrs every other weekend!

He is being incredibly out of order. I hope it wasn't too bad when you got home OP.

I’d say he obviously needs more practice at caring for his DCs on his own

I actually think it is very healthy for dads to experience long days alone with small children as I think it is good for them to know the everyday reality for most mums. My DH worked a condensed week and always did one day childcare. We had 3 pre-schoolers for a year. He never ever once complained about coming home to chaos, having to have a sandwich for tea as too tired to cook etc etc. He knew that his working life was far easier than a day with 3 little ones and I think some dads have no clue!

Anyway tell him to wind his neck in or he will be looking after the kids for 48hrs every other weekend!

This. Totally unreasonable, especially as it was a birthday gift and an unusual set of events. Sure - if you were doing that every weekend, then he mig have something to moan about if he didn't get the same amount of time out. But as a one off for a birthday treat? That's just mean spirited.

Once you divorce him, he'll be getting them for a full weekend, eow.....!!

I think OP was meeting friends first and then going on to the play - that was why it was such a long day, not the actual length of the play!

Unless you do it every single weekend he's off, then he's being completely unreasonable. However much he might have wanted to spend 'family time' before he went away, presumably there's plenty of other days you can spend together and this was a 'one off'?

He just wanted to piss on your parade so you don't do it again.

First of all...so glad you liked the play- it's amazing!
I'm sorry he's being so stupid...as others say, he would have to have them EOW if you divorce. I'd try and go out more so he realises how difficult it can be.

Text him back saying - "One person's waste of a day is another person's fab time. Sorry not sorry yours wasn't so great - I assume you've realised how much hard work being the main carer can be."