To feel annoyed that my dd was left out by another parent?

[dillydallybobo]

So we moved into our house about a year ago and my dd (7) has been playing out in the street this summer. She's got to know a little girl (we will call her Annabel)

Annabel already had a group of girls as friends from the street and my dd has been a bit shy reluctant to join them when they're all together. She's overcome it this week (with my encouragement) and has begun playing with them all together.

She's been playing with them today and they all went into Annabel's house, my dd wasn't sure but Annabel's brother said it's ok you can come in and play. So my dd went in. Annabel comes to her and says my mum said you have to leave. So my dd leaves and sits on the path outside alone while the other girls stay in playing.

She's come home really upset (we only live a few doors away) I told her it was a bit mean but not to worry and distracted her.

I feel like I can't really do anything about it as it's up to Annabel's mum who she lets in the house but aibu to be upset for dd? She's the only one left out after making the effort to join the group.

I could never do this to one child

It may be that because Annabel's parents don't know you or your daughter well that they felt uncomfortable having her in their home. I wouldn't have a small child in my home that I didn't know (without the express consent of the parents). Not in this day and age. It's sad that's the kind of a society we live in now, but I would be doing it to protect myself and family in case of any problems. Maybe you just need to go over and have a friendly chat with the parents and introduce yourselves.

Let's be clear. Playing out is fine, you are not far away if she needs you. Safety in numbers. People who abuse children watch for those who are alone, and may even live with children in or near a nice cul de sac. So they need strict rules to enjoy this freedom. No going to the shop etc make sure you know where they are and who with. If other kids go off she comes home, no exception. How do you know what goes on at annabels? It's fine if you know everyone, but don't leave your daughter to fend for herself in unknown situation. Adults open to false allegations too. For those that think this is a modern phenomena, it was ever thus.

It could have been a simple misunderstanding like others have said, perhaps Annabel was told to tell her to make sure it was OK with you and put it across wrong, perhaps other friends where getting jealous (some kids can be mean) and Annabel asked her to leave hoping to avoid an argument. Or it could even be a case of the mother already knows the other kids and arrangements have been made for a stop over or meal etc and your daughter didn't have anan arrangement. Have you tried asking them, maybe pop over and introduce yourself to the mother and just make her aware you are fine for her to be with the others as it could be a genuine concern. I know my son is familiar with all neighbours and can disappear for ages into houses. But when we had a new neighbour move in he "forgot" and wandered into garden where the elderly lady was happy to talk to him but she did come to check c if it was OK to come inside and get an ice lolly before she let him.

This happened to my Dd about 10 years ago when a new family moved into the street. She went in to the new girl's house with a group of friends and was quickly sent out by the father.

DD has one Asian grandparent and has lightly tanned skin.

Apparently he doesn't let 'Pakis' into his house.

I may have smiled the day. 5 years later, they were evicted and their house was repossessed by the bank.

She probably didn't let her in as she hadnt your permission.

As others have said before, might be Annabel’s excuse! DD3 has a friend that made up stuff like that, I caught her out when she did it the other way round. I told friend she had to leave in 10 mins, so could she and my DD put the toys away. 1 minute later she comes down telling me her dad waved at her through the window asking her to come right now. Interesting, I’d been by the front door putting some plants in and no one had walked by - back up and tidy now don’t leave it all to DD3!!!

Ha StaplesCorner I too lived in the Courtyard of the damned, inhabited by replica residents to those in your cul-de-sac. I sometimes couldn't figure out what I had done to offend one particularly angry, chip on her shoulder mother. No matter what I did, even inviting her dd to the cinema was wrong, because I did not invite the five years younger sister too who was not even friends with dd.

Sinister vet next door who looked like Vincent Price and his two sons who liked nothing better than to spit on our windows and throw rocks at residents who dared to walk under the railway bridge. Cold, weird, creepy. His own staff gave him a mug as a gift which bore the legend "Twat" on the bottom.

I preferred the kids play outdoors and would always put a plate of sandwiches and soft drinks out for them. This was when they were at their happiest, no you can come in my house and you cant. In reality, the adults were more childish than the children and it soon became apparent where they had learned their behaviour.

We live in a cul de sac and dd could play on the grass in the middle with her friends unsupervised from around 8, as I could see them out of the window. If they wanted to come in the house or garden they would all have to go and check with a parent first, even though I knew them well.
If a strange child came I wouldn’t allow them in until I had spoken to a parent and I wouldn’t allow dd into another house unless I had met a parent

There is no way I would let a child of that age into my house without speaking to her parents first. If the others have known each other longer and regularly go to each other houses then this is probably why.

YABVVU.
I’m more concerned you’re okay with your daughter going to play in someone else’s house without at least doing some vetting. You don’t know Annabel’s parents. Your daughter should be taught to decline future invitations like this until you give her permission. You’re assuming because you know she’s in the neighbourhood, therefore it’s safe. Not wise. Don’t sacrifice due diligence on your part just because you want her to form friendships

Her mum could have said “DD can’t stay unless she’s asked her mum” or “DD needs to leave and ask her mum” and Annabel has just heard the first part of the sentence

Elsie Mc how about the Courtyard of the Condemned...? Has a certain ring to it!

Hope it's nothing sinister. A childhood spent playing out with friends is priceless! Hope it all works out.

I do think it's a good thing that the kids are all playing out OP but you do need to excersise caution. This sort of set up lowers children's natural caution and as my friend found, can lead to frightening situations.

She went into a friend's house at about the same age and was locked in a downstairs bathroom by the friend's Uncle who had SEN and she was so terrified that she couldn't even scream...she was embarrassed. Nobody found her for ages and her own mum had no idea where she was.

The uncle was visiting for the weekend..he was late teens and was there to give his own mum a rest.

Unless the mother is a complete lunatic, I think something have been lost in translation.

Do you not know the other parents in the close?