To feel annoyed that my dd was left out by another parent?

[dillydallybobo]

So we moved into our house about a year ago and my dd (7) has been playing out in the street this summer. She's got to know a little girl (we will call her Annabel)

Annabel already had a group of girls as friends from the street and my dd has been a bit shy reluctant to join them when they're all together. She's overcome it this week (with my encouragement) and has begun playing with them all together.

She's been playing with them today and they all went into Annabel's house, my dd wasn't sure but Annabel's brother said it's ok you can come in and play. So my dd went in. Annabel comes to her and says my mum said you have to leave. So my dd leaves and sits on the path outside alone while the other girls stay in playing.

She's come home really upset (we only live a few doors away) I told her it was a bit mean but not to worry and distracted her.

I feel like I can't really do anything about it as it's up to Annabel's mum who she lets in the house but aibu to be upset for dd? She's the only one left out after making the effort to join the group.

I could never do this to one child

Yeah when mine were younger I wouldn't have liked it I would have sent them out to ask you if it was ok.

She’s 7. She shouldn’t be playing out alone for this very reason.

My feelings too...but I'm very safety conscious. Would never have let my 7 year old out alone...without supervision even in a cul de sac.

Different parenting styles obviously.

No way would I have some child I don’t know in my house. It’s not like you parents know each other

I could have wrote this myself, we live in a cal de sac too, my daughter is 6. She’s old enough to play outside on her own as it’s a quiet little street. There is a group of young girls, one ringleader, who I say so myself is a spoiled horrible little brat! She’s has had my daughter in tears a lot, excludes her from playing with others. When this certain girl isn’t there, they all play great. My daughter is shy too. I have a feeling the Mum was oblivious to her daughter telling your daughter to leave. Maybe time for a word?

Yy to other pps who have said 7 is not too young to play out nearby. Outside the parallel universe of mumsnet it's an entirely normal part of growing up and learning responsibility, unless you live somewhere it genuinely isn't safe.

7 is younger than DC start playing out here (generally 8-9). But the rule when they were younger than about 11 was that random children were not allowed in the house unless their parent knew where they are and had agreed to it. So for this reason, I'd have asked your DD to leave.

I’d want your daughter to leave too until I had met you and knew you were on with her being there.
There is no way I’d have a child in my house if the parents didn’t know where they were.

She’s 7. She shouldn’t be playing out alone for this very reason

Get a life saddo. 7 is perfectly acceptable to be out playing on a safe street.

If my kids came home and brought a strange kid that I’d never met before with them, I’d be like “aw, shit - what do I do now?”.

I wouldn’t want to be mean, but I also wouldn’t want to have her there whilst I’m then left wondering if anyone knows where she is!

At 7 I’d consider her too little to fend for herself, in that I wouldn’t be sure if I could trust her answers to questions like “are you allowed a chocolate cake?”....”does anyone know where you are?”.

So YABU for not thinking about the predicament that you put the other mum in!!

In my opinion, you caused the horrible situation with her outside on the path by expect her to go off and sort her own friendship group out in a new area at 7 years old!!

I’m not saying 7 year olds shouldn’t play out, but in a new area either you need to be hanging around somewhere close or you need to at least have made the effort to get to know the other parents.

how very odd! i wouldnt want children whose parents i dont even know coming in my house either! imagine you came out and your dd was gone and you panicked then it turned out she was in your neighbours house! im sure you would be on aibu posting about that!

Good idea op

Annabel and or her mother have done you a favour. Your DD should not be trying to go into random houses without checking with you first.

This ^^ with fucking great big bells on. What were you thinking?

Just to echo everyone else. I wouldn’t let a random child into my house unless I had specifically agreed and discussed with the parent beforehand

Oooh some people get very irrate!

It's all cleared up! I've spoken to dd and explained no going in houses without asking. I am proud of her for making friends and mingling with the group after initially being shy. I've spoken to the mum and Annabel is coming over tomorrow.

And I already said earlier I realised I was BU!

The street is a quiet cul de sac. There are 4 houses with children. I have been out when my dd has played out for the last 2 months and it's only this week I have let her out without me, her older sister is also out in the street with her older friends and told her to come back to me when she saw her sat on the pavement.

Ah the Cul de Sac of the Damned. I have lived in such a place for 20+ years and when my DDs were little, this sort of thing was currency. Kids and sometimes their mums would use it manipulate and humiliate. "you're allowed in my house but littledilly isn't!" said with a flourish of triumph.

TBH it was the same with the adults, who would be invited and who wouldn't you always had an alpha family or two, they had to be in charge. And if there was a fall out ... oh god help you. I always remember the firework party that I suggested to my immediate neighbour we hold in the street for all the kids, pooling our money (about 15 kids at that time) and then when 5th November came around my neighbour held it in his garden and my kids were the only ones not invited.

Yep. That's cul de sac living for you. But I do agree with people saying go over and suss the family out because for all the metaphorical eye rolling I am doing here, in our cul de sac, there was one family that were quieter than all the others - whose child was always present when the fights started, but always in the background when the blame was being dished out and in the end, they were the most sinister of all.

Well done op that was nicely handled. Now you and the mum are properly introduced I’m sure it won’t happen again.

If the mum doesn't know you she would probably have felt uncomfortable having your child in her house without your permission.

Does Annabelle’s mum know you or your DD? I’d imagine she was concerned that she had an unknown kid in her house without the parents’ consent. I really wish parents would stop getting so upset on behalf of their kids without knowing the full facts.

Maybe Annabel's mum did not know your dd, you have recently moved in. Maybe get to know her mum, and invite Annabel on a few playdates so she develops friendships.

Ahh just seen your update, that is really good. Well done for sorting it out.

Etino it worked out for thousands of us kids growing up decades ago when people in the U.K. were a nicer. We did very well.

She's far too young to out playing alone and wandering into people's houses hence the upset. Arrange a supervised play date next time.

Excellent news op, all sorted.

late to thread but I wouldn't invite a child into play or let my child play at their house unless I knew the parents well. I have turned down playdates with school mates DD has known for ages simply because I do not know their parents well enough. It's a safety thing OP and I think the other mum was right (if indeed it was her who said it). Why not try to get to know the mum a bit better?

Glad you’re all sorted OP.