Petty tiredness or genuinely unfair?

[SkaPunkPrincess]

I work full time, DH part time.

Me office hours Monday - friday him some evenings in the week and usually both weekend days.

DC 5 and 2.

We have just had a tiff as DH has decided he is laying in this morning.

I am up between 5.30/6am (for context with no kids to get up for, I wouldn't have to wake till 7)
I do breakfast, get the kids dressed, get myself ready and wake DH when I am about 30 minutes from leaving so he can get up and use the bathroom before taking over and doing the school run with both DC.

He then looks after non napping 2yr old, does some light housework (wash up, push Hoover around, maybe a wash) and does school pickup and (avg) 3 nights in the week goes to work until 9.30pm.

I get home, make dinner, feed, shower and bed the kids then usually do some more housework before eating my own dinner. Whilst I eat I watch TV a bit and then it's shower teeth and bed for me.

At the weekends I look after both DC alone whilst DH works. I am again up first and inhale to shove DH out of bed if the kids are up to very occasionally get him to get the fuck up first.

I have just tried to get him to bring little one down (slept later this morning) and got told he is laying in and to fetch him myself.

He is really tired apparently 😠 fucking me too!

Am I BU to think he should be taking more of a share of the shit bits? Getting up at 5.30 to listen to my 5 year old 'sing' whilst eating his breakfast isn't my idea of a relaxing morning.

I accept may be. But I am so annoyed.

So you work all day, look after dc alone in the evenings & both days weekends too?

He works evenings and weekends and has Mon-Fri days to himself?

When does he look after the DC?
He could do housework, washing, prepare evening meals & other jobs in the day Mon-Fri and get up with you all each morning.

Current situation sounds unfair to me.

Moons he does have DC2 home with him. Though he is a super easy delight of a boy and one is easier than 2.

Just noticed he has 2 year old in the day - weekdays....
Still, he could get up with you all each morning yes. Sounds busy for both of you

No way is that fair- he has Monday-Friday days to himself, he needs to be doing ALOT more housework in that time as well

It sounds like you both do a lot and are both tired. It seems fair for him to lay in today, as long as you will get the same opportunity tomorrow? Its not fair if you are doing all the early mornings. Maybe you need a conversation about how things are split between you?

I don’t think you both need to be up but he could take turns with you. Why should it always be you up at 5:30? Also, why are you having to do housework every evening? Surely most of it should be done during the day? I think he could be doing more.

The DH has toddler every day

You say you get up 5.30/6 for DC when you wouldn’t have to get up until 7. Is that because DC wake early or the time it takes to get them ready?

If it’s because they wake that time, can you take it in turns to get up in the morning. If it’s the time taking to get ready, you must be able to cut this down. DH could get his shower after the school run to help.

When my DH works weekends he always gets up with DC as he wants to spend time with them before work. I stay in bed until he leaves.

You need to try and find a way of sharing the mornings.

Also, surely he should be able to get all the housework done in the day without you having to do more in the evening.

They just wake at that time. I do count my blessings, they both sleep well usually and they are in bed by 7 so I do get a small bit of peace in the evening.

I am not too bothered about more housework during the day though I do agree he could sort dinner and I have asked him to do this as it would make my evening much easier (two hangry kids aren't fun) but he only does occasionally. he doesn't like to because he never knows what to make. apparently.

I would NOT be getting up at 5.30 with them OP. Your husband should do that!

Well you should be taking turns to have a lie in at the weekend, I would discuss it beforehand and keep the discussion calm.
How many hours does your DH actually work?

Why on earth do you always get up at 5.30 with the kids unless you actually want to be the one who always does it? And which would you rather - make the kids' food yourself, or tell your dh what to make until he develops a few ideas of his own?! Tbh, some of what you do is coming across as you preferring to do it, because you think you do it better, somehow, as otherwise I'm not really understanding why you do it?!

20 hours a week Mando

round It just seems to have become habit.

Also, can I ask how you can do getting up in the morning 'better' than another person? 😂

Maybe if I set myself a development goal to get up in the morning in a better way I will enjoy it more?

Also, I don't feel I should have to tell an adult what to make for dinner 🙄

He should be alternating getting up with dc on weekdays. He should be doing all housework weekdays as he is at home and able to and you arent. He should do bed times on the nights he isn't working. Lie ins should be negotiated not grabbed.

Oh @SkaPunkPrincess I feel your pain... it's the mental load thing again. Doesn't matter how much you "equally" split things if you're the organiser/Manager it feels like more.
My DP calls me from the shop so I can tell him what to buy... it's infuriating as I wanted him to go to the shop so I could do something else. I think if we are being kind it's a lack of self esteem, if we are being more critical it's a learned helplessness that gets them out of actually helping to run the household.
www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear#page-4

He should be doing all housework weekdays as he is at home and able to and you arent.

This would go down really poorly if someone said it on here to a SAHM with a two year old!

Your husband needs to do more round the house

This would go down really poorly if someone said it on here to a SAHM with a two year old!

Would it?

I thought it was normal for the SAHP to do the lion’s share of the homework.

Housework

Alhough you shouldn't have to tell your husband what to make for dinner why don't you anyway. I struggle wih food and cam never think what to make. I grew up on a household wih two working parents and we lived on ready meals. DH doesn't like them and I don't want to feed them to the kids but honestly I do struggle wih dinners. DH knows this and will often do it himself despite his long hours... anyway its a weird hing because I am so very capable in so many things but food is not one of them. I'd live on sandwiches if left alone

He’s a ridiculous lazy idiot. How the hell has it worked out that he works part time yet you do all the early mornings and dinner/beds?! You need to write out what you each do and forcibly show him what a pisstaker he is, then stop accepting this bullshit.

Why can't someone come do housework with a toddler regardless of what gender they are?

You just have to get things done.

Lisa he could do more in the day than he does.

I know that I can. However that is an old argument that I have made my peace with.

I just don't have the energy to continue to explain that you CAN do more than one load of washing (just into the washing machine and turned on - hung out if I'm really lucky, shoved screwed up in the dryer if I'm just a bit lucky), one lot of washing up and shove the Hoover round the (small) living room in a day.