To get sick of hearing how much like DD looks like DH

[MysticMeggyMoo]

The comment really winds me up. It normally comes from people who didn’t know me as a child. If you actually look at photos of me at the same age you would be hard pushed to say who is who....
Anyway, it’s not really any wonder she looks like her father. It’s almost as though they are surprised.
I really want to reply that its such a relief she doesn’t look like the milkman’s!

All my kids look like DH, even my daughter. Not a hint of me in there. It does make me sad if I’m honest and I feel a bit envious of female friends who have little “mini-me”. So yes I get annoyed when people tell me how much they look like him.
In laws are the worst, it’s like some kind of victor for them. Ugh. Someone once said to them they thought my DS2 looked a bit like me and they fell over themselves to find a picture of young DH looking like DS2 🙄

DH always says DD2 has his eyes and I get stupidly pissed off because she has MY family's eyes.

HIS family all have little eyes....noticeably small.

My family's eyes are all large. Including DDS!

I get on well with my in laws, but they are batshit about this. My own family couldn't care less, we aren't really baby people and all agree they look like potatoes but my in laws are really, really invested in what child looks like who, to the point of seriously bickering about it at family gatherings. It's weird as fuck. They also have a family member who died tragically young, and it's almost a competition to see which child looks most like this person.

I'm currently pregnant, and dreading it a bit at the minute because the debates can go on forever, and it's deathly dull. I'm pretty sure one of my BILs feels the same way as he has a stock phrase he uses in these situations to try and get them to stfu

starfishmummy
'I'm starting to wonder who his mother is'

Love this and will start using it slightly passive-aggressively when I am told for the 4,198th time how all 3 of my boys look EXACTLY like DH.

I do think some women^ say how a kid looks like their dad if they want to take you down a peg. Like implying you may have technically^ made something but actually your involvement was pointless / undesirable because your contribution clearly didn't make it into the final cut. 😏

^^please excuse weird random italics

It’s just something to say surely. You sound jealous!

First few visits where MIL was still put out at being made a GM too young, DH was 30 she'd been the young mother at 20, pfb looked nothing like DH with implication baby wasn’t his – MIl especially pushed that idea without directly accusing me. DH found it amusing.

Then on DD1 looked nothing like me at all and it was constant comments – it did upset me. My Mum found a picture of me same age they mistook it for DD1 – they’ve done it a few times since with rare picture of my childhood. Haven''t done it with our other children.

Other people are mixed about who kids look like when the comment and usual comment how a like they all are.

Haven''t done it with our other children. meant there there haven't made comments about who the other children look like - though MIL was shocked we had more than one.

Blimey! It's just conversation! Of all the things to give a shit about.....

My MIL always used typo go on and on about how like DH DS was and it really irritated me, because he's so like me and I felt like she was trying to lay claim to him. I worried i was being irrational, or was deluded about how like me he looks, but I once showed her a photo of me as a baby and she thought it was DS. She was very discombobulated. Then DD was born and she has a but of me, more DH and a LOT of MIL, she has her exact (sweet) smile. And it doesn't bother me at all when people comment because it's true! And confirmed for me that I wasn't wrong to be upset before about her going on about DS being like DH because she totally was trying to lay claim to him.

@BlondeB83 not jealous.. I don’t think so anyway. Context is everything and if I listed every time I’ve heard it I’d be hear for days. In passing conversation it doesn’t bother me, it’s when someone (IL) makes a special effort to say/write it... As though it’s the first time I’ve heard it.
@Ordinarygirl I think that’s it. I can tell the difference between someone trying to rattle my cage and just making conversation.

@Blackteadrinker77 I am sorry your relative feels sad when people comment on how much his child looks like him.

I donor sperm and adoption are different (we had treatment with donor eggs, unsuccessfully). We adopted a little boy and when out and about we sometimes hear he looks like dh. The only real similarity is they are both male and have the same colour eyes!

I must ask dh what he thinks of this.

I think it is lovely. The same gene that made ds his eye colour made dh's eye colour. It doesn't matter to me he is not genetically related to me.

When they both wear blue t-shirts and similar trousers they look even more alike!

People are commenting on what they expect to see. For the child it could be bad (to look like someone else) but I take it as good- you are one of the clan, one of the tribe!

When dd was born (who is genetically related to both of us) one friend was very surprised she was so beautiful. That said to me that they thought dh and I were real ugly mugs!

A group of Italians stopped us in holiday once and looked at DS in the buggy and then DH and announced:

”there is no doubt who the father is”

I was a bit put out at the time - but laugh at it looking back.

@OverTheHedgeHammy

That is an excellent point about mannerisms. My adopted son says things similar to me, he is a real mimic. He really looks nothing like me but he is so similar to me on other ways!

op of it bothers you just reply - 'mmm she dies a bit but she is the spitting image of me at that age."

How old is she?

does of course!

One of my brother’s adult children is no blood relation of his at all. In many ways she is the most like him. Not in looks- but in behaviour and “style”....

@BertrandRussell I’m adopted and people say the same about me and my Dad. We look nothing alike but in mannerisms, even the way we speak, we are very very similar.

People used to say the same about DD and my Mum, they had very similar colouring and mannerisms.

Looking like is odd. My son and my 3rd cousins son look the same when young, my ex step daughter and my daughter look the same but apparently my daughter looks just like me
Sometimes people need to look at the context of the photo to figure out who the subject is from to above.
I guess there are only so many features humans can have, so many people will look like each other

My DH has 3 brothers and according to my MIL my son is exactly like BIL . DH and BIL do get mistaken for eachother quite often so it's not as awkward as it could be.

What annoys me more is when they assume he will like all the same things that DH and BILs liked at his age. I feel like telling them, no he is a new person and if he like Thomas The Tank then surely that is my genes not DHs !!!!!! (massive Thomas fan)

I say that sort of thing about babies- topics of conversation about babies are pretty limited, it’s just something to say.

My niece looks just like my brother did as a baby! We have a large family, 34 cousins. We all know what my brother looked like as a baby.

His partner showed us a photo of her as a baby and my niece looks a lot like she did as well however, we never saw this photo before my niece was born and so we always say she looks like my brother!

Honestly it doesn’t bother me. My DS was the spit of DH when he was younger but there is more of me in him now. My DD is like us both.
My DH used to joke that he knew who the father was but wasn’t sure about the mother lol

I say it because i find some women hate being told their kids look like their husband or their inlaws. So i tell my cow of a sil that her child looks so much like her inlaws.

YABU to get wound up about people making chit chat.

but when ILs say it I feel like a mere vessel... and they have no idea what I looked like as a child!

Of course they don't, so they spot things that look like their dc when he was that age. As is normal. As all families do. My older 2 look like dh. ds (dc1) especially. Everyone has always said it form when he was born 22 yrs ago. On various occasions though, people who know me better - or knew me as a child - will say "he looked just like you then" (or sounded, or that expression, or that strop . It's just normal. Last year I showed a couple of work friends pics of us at his graduation, and they were saying how my dc looked like me (they don't know dh) - you just see 'something' about dc when you know one parent, or know one parent a lot better.

Your 3rd post clarifies things though. We've found what the issue is - nothing to do with 'people' commenting on your dc looking like dh, and everything to do with your relationship with your in laws

Spot on BackforGood exactly that.
I love the Jeremy Kyle comment I wish I had been quick enough.
It's 22 years ago now so hardly worth it. And me and the df are long gone divorced. I swear she planted a seed in his head. No pun intended, seriously.
They were nuts xdh and xmil.