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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get sick of hearing how much like DD looks like DH

100 replies

MysticMeggyMoo · 08/06/2018 19:54

The comment really winds me up. It normally comes from people who didn’t know me as a child. If you actually look at photos of me at the same age you would be hard pushed to say who is who....
Anyway, it’s not really any wonder she looks like her father. It’s almost as though they are surprised.
I really want to reply that its such a relief she doesn’t look like the milkman’s!

OP posts:

Original poster

MysticMeggyMoo · 08/06/2018 21:51

I would be just as annoyed if the comment was made about my DS and DH.
For some reason I feel it’s a poor attempt at shutting me out.... I’m aware that makes me sound like I’m super sensitive about the issue. I’m not, it just gets my wick!

OP posts:

angryburd · 08/06/2018 22:00

I used to get this all the time, then somewhere along the line I morphed into a clone of my mother. Tbh they both have similar features and colouring, so I could have looked like either of them when I was a child.

CourtneyLovely · 08/06/2018 22:39

Of all the things in the world that wind me up, this is not one!

I split from DD's father when I was pregnant and have always had a slightly strained relationship with him and his family. From the second DD was born his family have yapped about how much she looks like him. Because she does! It's not a slight on me, it's just genetics! And as she's got older (she's 18 now) she's started to look a lot more like me anyway.

I often remark if a parent and child or two siblings look very alike because it fascinates me. I think it's amazing how genes work like that. I didn't know I was possibly causing offence...

Thehop · 08/06/2018 22:40

I used to get this all the time.

I started responding ding “oh no he doesn’t his real dad is black”

Soon shut them up

FadedRed · 08/06/2018 22:47

I though it was something to do with evolutionary prerogative to stop males killing/eating the offspring, before the time that humans actually began to link mating with birth. Or something like that. If you follow my meaning, erm, something sciencey

Narya · 08/06/2018 22:47

I have the opposite problem, my ILs keep rather pointedly saying to me that baby DS looks nothing at all like his dad. It was funny the first time (in fairness DS looks a lot like my family and not like DP's) but I'm starting to feel a bit offended that they keep on saying it

mrtumblesmum · 08/06/2018 22:54

I get it all the time. DS is a very cute handsome little boy - doesn't he look like (my partners name) they say. I find it really bitchy, and I often think it's meant that way too. Like how did you have an attractive child when you're not all that. Hate it, really upsets me. And yeh it makes you feel like you "just" carried the child, insulting and hurtful (especially when said by my bit h of a mil!)

Rainagain1 · 08/06/2018 22:57

It's really annoying. My parents constantly tell us how much our DS is like my brother. Which really annoys husband as he is spitting image of him at that age.

Longdistance · 08/06/2018 22:59

Well, it’s lucky your dd has your brains then, hey mystic

gillybeanz · 08/06/2018 22:59

I always think that ours were a good mix, but did find people commented on the likeness of which parent the particular child had spent most time with recently.

Witchend · 08/06/2018 23:05

Ds is very like dh at a first look. If you look closer, he's not identical, especially round the nose, but he is very like.

Dh gets stopped by people in the street to ask if he's ds's dad and I've been stopped by people who know dh but not us.
Today a teacher from the secondary school came to talk to the year 6s. Dh is a governor there. Apparently she took one look at ds and handed him his pack without asking his name. Ds said "when can I go somewhere and not be recognised?"

But because he is very similar I don't really see it an issue. He is very like and it's fair enough that people comment. He's like my df in character anyway.

However with dd1 mil used to constantly comment how like someone in the family she was, and she's a true mixture of both sides. I remember especially one conversation when dd1 was about 2yo. We were going across to the park and I put out a hand to take dd1's hand. She shook her head, and when I went to take her hand anyway, she put her hands firmly behind her.

MIL: Oh look, she's walking with her hands behind her. Bil used to do that all the time. She's so like him.
Me: She only put her hands behind because she doesn't want to hold my hand.
MIL: Oh, he used to do that too.

LittleCandle · 08/06/2018 23:14

I look exactly like DF, yet people who didn't know him told me I looked like DM. DM had black hair and green eyes. I have fair hair and grey eyes. I just don't really see it. Yet the one time I had dark hair (dark purple) I would catch myself in the corner of my eye in a mirror and think it was DM. I suspect that this was just hope, as she had died several years previous to that and I was going through a shit time and was missing her more than usual.

Both DDs look like me, although I think DD1 looks less like me than she did. Her DD thankfully no longer looks like her dickhead father and more like DD1 and me.

Urubu · 09/06/2018 00:04

MIL was desperate for a GDD, we had a girl, everybody says she looks just like me, MIL is clearly annoyed, she tried a couple of times saying she looks like DH but stopped as noone agreed. I find that satisfying in a way

starfishmummy · 09/06/2018 00:12

I used to get it so much with DS that I began to wonder who his mother was

Ohyesiam · 09/06/2018 00:14

People say it all the time about my ds, they are just making conversation. It’s ususlly said with affection.

It’s never felt like it’s about me, or has a hidden motive.

User467 · 09/06/2018 00:20

My darling MIL told me that my DS looked so much like dh that she didn't think I had had any part in making him. It was ridiculous because he actually looked so like me she was clearly overcompensating
.

OverTheHedgeHammy · 09/06/2018 00:36

Blackteadrinker77 - please reassure your DBIL that your DNiece probably DOES resemble him, because some of what makes us look like ourselves is our mannerisms, the way we hold our heads, the way we squint our eyes, purse our lips, hold a small smile, they can come from nurture, and not just from biology. So his DD has probably picked up lots of his mannerisms.

My 2 DNieces look alike in many ways. One is Asian, the other British/Russian heritage (adopted). Yet their mannerisms are so similar it makes them look like sisters!

Twofurrycats · 09/06/2018 00:45

my cousin was told how much her step grand daughter looks like her. by her Doctor who must be aware she has no children. There is a striking similarity between them (and step daughter). Probably because my cousins husband has a definite type

HirplesWithHaggis · 09/06/2018 01:06

I must be weird. Everyone comments on how alike dgs1 and his dad, ds2, are, but to me he is the spit of his mum! He's nearly 9 now, still looks like her. But that's not a bad thing.

Rhynswynd · 09/06/2018 01:17

I actually get a bit upset. I have 3 girls and everyone says they look like dh. My youngest looks just like me and my family but when I correct anyone they look at me and just say nope she looks like her dad. I then start thinking I must be an ogre.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 09/06/2018 01:24

I really want to reply that its such a relief she doesn’t look like the milkman’s!
Er, and? What’s wrong with looking like the milkman? Me and all my siblings all look like the milkman, for our Da’ twas a milkman! (I did a few years of holidays and weekends on the milk with him. And never once did I pretend to be asleep when he called to wake me up at four am. Oh no .

tenaciousD · 09/06/2018 02:51

It's just an empty comment about a baby. Let's face it, other children aren't especially interesting but one feels obliged to say something.

Monty27 · 09/06/2018 03:00

My xmil exclaimed on seeing ds oh he looks nothing like you to ds df
He's the double now.
But yes it's mostly the ILS that pass those stupid innane comments
Ignore them

QuiteChic · 09/06/2018 06:46

Both DC's look exactly like their Dad. I say I only know they're mine, because I was there at the birth.

knockknockknock · 09/06/2018 06:55

@Blackteadrinker77 I'm confused. Wouldn't he be delighted that his daughter had a family resemblance as she was conceived by donor? I'd see how he could be offended if they said she didn't look anything like him.

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