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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to answer the phone to my boss

105 replies

AhYerWill · 07/06/2018 13:04

I'm currently off sick as I had a fairly major surgery less than 24 hours ago with a GA. In pain and feeling pretty shite really. mostly just trying to catch up on sleep after disturbed night. Didn't react too well to the GA (they kept me in an extra 4 hours as weren't happy with my obs) which is probably not helping.

Boss keeps phoning (and woke me up the first time - I'm using the alarm on my phone to wake me up every 2 hours to take medications so it was by the bed - phone on silent now!). Hasn't emailed/texted etc which is our normal communication format (I work in a remote office from him), and which I wouldn't mind.

My sick leave has been planned for weeks, all work handed off, nothing outstanding that someone else can't handle, so really can't think of any reason for him to be calling, other than to chase me back to work (he has form for this - told one of my team members they couldn't take a half day last month when she had dialysis booked).

Surgeon advised to take 2 weeks off minimum, but boss pushed me into agreeing to return next week (which was stupid on my part, but he put me under a lot of pressure and made me feel guilty for letting the team down).

AIBU to a)not pick up his calls today and b) feel fed up with this?

I'm feeling quite all over the show emotionally right now so may be being unreasonable and reading more into this than necessary.

OP posts:
Sunisshining12 · 07/06/2018 13:39

This happened to one of my colleagues, all the boss needed was a password. We heard him apologise for calling and sent her flowers. Maybr drop a text saying you’re resting and can’t pick up right now

LetItGoToRuin · 07/06/2018 13:42

Ask a family member or friend to answer the phone, or ask them to ring your boss as you've noticed a missed call but you're not well enough to speak on the phone.

I don't think you should have to speak to your boss, but I think he/she should have some way of communicating with you, either through someone else or by letter.

SofieMonde · 07/06/2018 13:45

Take your full two weeks. Do not cave. Your health is more important that your job.
Let him sweat, don't answer and enjoy your kips :)

expatinscotland · 07/06/2018 13:46

Wouldn't answer it at all. And would not go back to work next week.

Original poster
AhYerWill · 07/06/2018 13:46

Thanks all. Just double guessing myself as he's good at convincing me I'm unreasonable. Have a follow up with the consultant tomorrow so will get him to write me a sick note, stating my minimum recovery time, which wil be sent to him, with HR cc'd.

Company is ~ 2000 people and CEO just took a 12million $ bonus, so I'm pretty sure a few days sick pay won't ruin the bottom line. Although I like to think I'm important they manage without me when I'm on holiday, so I suspect I'm not all that vital...

I've emailed him to check it's nothing important. I keep busting into tears (for no reason - I'm not normally a crier) so still avoiding calls, as its just going to make me feel worse if I cry when speaking to him.

Ironically I recieved a job offer an hour before surgery yesterday... very tempted to accept now...

OP posts:
Fatted · 07/06/2018 13:46

I'd get someone to ring your boss back and tell them you are in really bad shape, not able to communicate etc.

He should not be ringing you when he knows that you are having major surgery and answering his calls just sends the message to him that his behavior is acceptable.

Groovee · 07/06/2018 13:47

Put him on do not disturb and the calls should be missed.

beachysandy81 · 07/06/2018 13:48

I would get someone else to answer. Let them tell your boss directly how ill you are. He should feel ashamed, unless of course he is calling due to being deeply concerned about you!

DarlingNikita · 07/06/2018 13:49

Have a follow up with the consultant tomorrow so will get him to write me a sick note, stating my minimum recovery time, which wil be sent to him, with HR cc'd.

GOOD! Look after yourself, OP. Brew Thanks

BewareOfDragons · 07/06/2018 13:50

Contact HR.

And take the 2 weeks off that your DOCTOR told you to take.

tiredbutFuckIt · 07/06/2018 13:50

Answer it completely off your face “I just want teddy berry bear and nice snoozy he he he” bonus points for having a relative/friend nearby to interrupt and “take the phone” off you!

sexnotgender · 07/06/2018 13:50

Any chance he's just being nice and ringing to see how you are?

BewareOfDragons · 07/06/2018 13:51

Oooohhhh.

The job offer might be worth considering if HR doesn't back you 100%.

OuaisMaisBon · 07/06/2018 13:52

sexnotgender - must say, I was just wondering the same! But, OP, if he's not being nice and is actually harrassing/bullying you, it might be worth taking a serious look at taking the job you were offered an hour before your surgery! Congratulations on the offer, and get well soon!

OuaisMaisBon · 07/06/2018 13:53

*harassing, sorry.

HyacinthsBucket70 · 07/06/2018 13:55

He could be checking you are OK. For that reason I'd answer and don't worry about being tearful. And if he even starts to talk about work, say sorry I'm too poorly to even think about work and end the call.
If he keeps ringing, go to HR.

liz70 · 07/06/2018 13:57

"He could be checking you are OK."

He could text that.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 07/06/2018 13:58

Any chance he's just being nice and ringing to see how you are?

This would be my first thought too. In his head you had surgery yesterday so today he is checking to make sure you are ok. He probably called a few times because he's concerned you didn't answer and now he is worried.

Dermymc · 07/06/2018 13:59

Take the job and shop this dickhead to HR

liz70 · 07/06/2018 14:00

"Hope you're not feeling too awful, employee. Take your time getting better; don't rush to get back before you're fully recovered. Look forward to seeing you back when you're well - Your boss."

Not too difficult, is it?

TeeBee · 07/06/2018 14:00

If he calls again I would answer and say that you're really, really unwell and you were trying to rest in order to try to get back to work early, as he suggested but people keep interrupting that recovery preiod. I would also say that the surgeon has really advised against returned early so you will be contacting HR in due course to reorganise that. Then tell him you won't be answering any more calls because they are putting back your recovery. Twat!

FiestaThenSiesta · 07/06/2018 14:02

“Any chance he's just being nice and ringing to see how you are?”

How many times do you ring someone to ask that? Because the OP says it is not just one phone call.

If you need something, you leave a grovelling voicemail or email or text detailing what the urgency is. You don’t continue to ring back a person who is on sick leave Angry

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 07/06/2018 14:02

Are you at home then? Just confused because if you've had major surgery then you'd still be in hospital. Only minor surgery is day case.

Please take the 2 weeks as instructed. The Consultant has trained for many years and neither you or your boss know better then him on what minimum recovery time you need.

KickAssAngel · 07/06/2018 14:03

If he were just checking in, he'd leave a message and not call back.

OP - I think an email (and cc HR if you want) making it clear that repeated phone calls are making you worried, and disturbing your much-needed sleep, so that it is likely your recovery time will be LONGER unless he desists.

Quite frankly, I'd be tempted just to pass this straight to HR with a harassment complaint. What kind of bell-end phones someone the day after surgery, even once? You send flowers/card/food, then call a few days later.

SeaToSki · 07/06/2018 14:04

Poor you, the last thing you need when getting over a GA is more stress and hassle. I wouldnt answer it as you probably still have meds in your system and you may not answer any questions appropriately, especially if you are taking pain killers. (I took my DH phone away from him after his knee surgery as he would have agreed to anything, he was so happy on the meds)

If you feel up to it later, send an email (and get someone to check it first) asking them to email you if there are any dire emergencies (and you will do your best to help), but will not be answering the phone as you are medicated. Then also tell your boss you will need the full 2 weeks off as the surgery was harder than anticipated