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Original poster

Am I over thinking safeguarding

64 replies

Mar1984 · 07/06/2018 12:53

I work in a profession where safeguarding is a huge aspect and I receive a lot of training on signs to look out for and when to refer. Following another training this week I starteted to worry I should of referred my partners ex and this could get me in trouble. Her DD arrived a few ago with a huge abscess crying in pain and stated she had been off school for 3 days but her mum hadn’t got her a dentist appointment, I phoned the mum and she said she doesn’t actually have a dentist for them and had tried that day but couldn’t sort it, she had told partner she did previous to this but she wanted to do appointments. A few phone calls later I had both children a dentist and an emergency appointment for that day where the child (8) needed 3 filings.
There has been incident when she hadn’t taken to Drs - one was the DS (4) had Scarlett fever and one look at him and I got him an appointment. The DS also never wants to be there with her when we collect him he runs out the door, won’t talk to her on the phone and gets so upset on the day he goes back as he doesn’t want to be there (we have them 50/50).
The lack of medical care is a huge red flag and I am worried I should of done something, I have spoke to my partner and he says if it’s my duty I should do the referral but I also don’t want to be seen as causing trouble where it’s not needed as we have the kids a lot so I am actively monitoring the situation.

OP posts:
DeepFatFriar · 07/06/2018 12:54

I dont understand why this isnt their fathers problem

gingerbreadbiscuits · 07/06/2018 12:55

Your job is a red herring. A child is being neglected. You need to report it.

JaneyEJones · 07/06/2018 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butterflykissess · 07/06/2018 12:57

I dont understand why this isnt their fathers problem
This!!

KindergartenKop · 07/06/2018 12:57

Report it!

Thehop · 07/06/2018 12:57

Surely dad should ask have doctors and dentist if he has 50/50 care?

Yes report it

JaneyEJones · 07/06/2018 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HellenaHandbasket · 07/06/2018 13:04

What kind of father, who has 50/50 care has no awareness of doctors or dentists, and doesn't notice abscesses etc?

Godowneasy · 07/06/2018 13:38

Your DP needs to take more responsibility for his children and their medical needs. He needs to talk with his ex about her getting the appropriate health appointments when the children are ill whilst in her care. Also ask her to inform him whenever they are unwell. He needs to ensure that the children have routine dental checks etc.

Dp also needs to talk to his children more and gently explore what is going on at home and why the older one doesn't want to be there with his mother when he's collected, and doesn't want to talk to her on the phone.

It could be something or nothing, but if their mum can't manage to arrange a sorely needed dental appointment, I would be concerned that she isn't managing in other ways. ie are they being feed adequately, is the washing being done, homework etc etc.

Your Dp needs to satisfy himself that the children are being cared for adequately when dc are with their mum. It should most certainly be him report any concerns to social service, and not you!

ThenCameTheFools · 07/06/2018 13:44

Quite. What action does your partner take?
He needs to step up to the parenting thing if she isn't. It's not in the rulebook that only mothers sort this stuff out, resident or not.
I am deputy safeguarding lead in my school and we'd contact the parent, the non res parent and then SS. Not for what you've described though.

Confusedbeetle · 07/06/2018 13:48

This is the responsibility of the father not you, He should take up as much as he can medically or dentally, or he is also neglectful if its 5050 care. If there are concerns he needs to talk to a social worker

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 07/06/2018 13:51

50/50 care, 50/50 blame.

Nicknacky · 07/06/2018 13:53

Why would your first step be to report her? Did her dad not know she didn’t have a dentist?

Whilst it’s obviously not great they had to wait to be treated, if these are the only issues then I wouldn’t rush to scream neglect.

ApolloandDaphne · 07/06/2018 13:55

I am not sure who you plan to report to because SS won't be interested ( i am a SW). The issue has been resolved now. Yes the parents need to step up and you need to impress this upon your DP. He has a responsibility towards his DC as much as his ex does.

ChameleonsInCarsGettingCoffee · 07/06/2018 13:58

It's definitely much better to keep quiet and let a child be neglected, than be seen to cause trouble.

I hope you can tell that was sarcastic.

Both my parents were like this re neglect. If I am feeling generous, I'd describe them both as "being a bit shit". I wish someone had noticed and reported it. The school picked up on a major health issue for me when I was 12, told my parents, and they did nothing about it. 25 years later, it still hugely affects my life.

Please help the child. Fuck your precious reputation for not being a trouble maker. How can you stand to be with someone so passive about the health of their own child???

NotMyFinestMoment · 07/06/2018 14:00

How comes the father and you didn't notice the fact that the child needed three fillings?! Clearly the DC's DF and you are not brushing the child's teeth otherwise you would have noticed sometime ago that they weren't being properly cared for. If you have 50/50 care why don't you have the contact details for the DC's doctor and dentist. Quick to criticise, even quicker to interfere and consider causing problems for someone who is clearly struggling.

When you make the referral, don't forget to report your DP alongside the mother as he is equally responsible for the children's distress and suffering. Especially given that he has 50/50 care yet is failing to take care of their medical needs. I'm sure Social Services will be as interested in you and their father as they are in their mother.

Oysterbabe · 07/06/2018 14:05

What they said.
Why didn't their father notice the issue with their teeth? Why did you have ring round and sort out a dentist appointment and not him?

Original poster
Mar1984 · 07/06/2018 14:09

She had been a stay at home mum and told him she took them to dentist etc while he was at work and when they split up stated she would continue to do so it was only when there is a problem we found out there wasn’t an actual dentist and she admitted she had meant to do it! They know have a dentist and appointments booked for our days so we know they go, eye tests have also been booked as they had never had one.
We didn’t notice the abscess as she had been with her mother 4 days prior and they both said it started the day after she went home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mar1984 · 07/06/2018 14:09

I sorted it as he was still at work due to his shifts and she needed treating straight away and by the time he got home would be too late

OP posts:
FissionChips · 07/06/2018 14:11

She had been a stay at home mum and told him she took them to dentist etc while he was at work and when they split up stated she would continue to do so it was only when there is a problem we found out there wasn’t an actual dentist and she admitted she had meant to do it!

How thick is your partner? He never thought to ask his children how it went each time they were supposed to have visited the dentist? Is he not very interested in them ?

Nicknacky · 07/06/2018 14:15

Who are you think about reporting her to?

Is the dentist concerned about how long she went before she went to get it treated?

Spaghettijumper · 07/06/2018 14:16

It is totally bizarre that these children have two parents and yet you seem to be the only one who gives a shit about them.

Troels · 07/06/2018 14:21

Your partner is as rubbish a parent as his ex. If you weren't about, god knows how bad these things would have been.
You do need to refer the Ex, she's awful. But saying that, are you willing to step in if they remove the kids.

FizzyGreenWater · 07/06/2018 14:22

Your first focus needs to be your frankly shit partner!

'Right, another woman in the house now, I can get back to thinking about my shift pattern and not much else!'

You've got a demanding job too. But until people started picking you up on it, no mention of partner - YOU phoned the mum, YOU get going on it ('three phone calls later'), YOU are the one contacting the doctor when dc has scarlet fever?

And your partner's sole contribution to these concerns is 'Yeah, report if you feel it's YOUR duty'

Fucking pathetic.

Not a father in any sense.

I'll wait for the predictable huge rebuttal where we hear what a fantastic dad he is.

Loonoon · 07/06/2018 14:24

I could be wrong but don't think this is a safeguarding issue as there is a responsible adult looking out for them and ensuring their health is being taken care of.

Why this is their stepmum and not their dad is a matter for OP and her partner to sort out but atm they are being looked after adequately.