Am I over thinking safeguarding

[Mar1984]

I work in a profession where safeguarding is a huge aspect and I receive a lot of training on signs to look out for and when to refer. Following another training this week I starteted to worry I should of referred my partners ex and this could get me in trouble. Her DD arrived a few ago with a huge abscess crying in pain and stated she had been off school for 3 days but her mum hadn’t got her a dentist appointment, I phoned the mum and she said she doesn’t actually have a dentist for them and had tried that day but couldn’t sort it, she had told partner she did previous to this but she wanted to do appointments. A few phone calls later I had both children a dentist and an emergency appointment for that day where the child (8) needed 3 filings.
There has been incident when she hadn’t taken to Drs - one was the DS (4) had Scarlett fever and one look at him and I got him an appointment. The DS also never wants to be there with her when we collect him he runs out the door, won’t talk to her on the phone and gets so upset on the day he goes back as he doesn’t want to be there (we have them 50/50).
The lack of medical care is a huge red flag and I am worried I should of done something, I have spoke to my partner and he says if it’s my duty I should do the referral but I also don’t want to be seen as causing trouble where it’s not needed as we have the kids a lot so I am actively monitoring the situation.

So you would be reporting both the children's parents then ?

It is not a huge flag and nothing needs reporting to anyone. There have been two incidents, one for each child, where the DM has missed something in terms of their health. It sounds like their DF has not been on the ball either. You are obviously more vigilant.

Sadly, it does appear that these children are not being fully cared for by either of their parents. Both parents need to step up and ensure that they have appropriate medical checks and appointments, if this does not happen, then you should certainly consider reporting both parents for their lack of care.

So you would be reporting both the children's parents then ?

This.

Medical nreglect is a form of child abuse, I bet this is the tip of the iceberg. What else does she let slide? Feeding them, appropriate clothes for the weather in winter, school attendance, who knows.
The kids are very happy not to be with Mum and run to the OP and won't speak to Mum, something isn't right.

nreglect? Neglect.

I don't think you can report one parent without reporting the other.

You need to have a serious chat with your DP.

How about dad exercising his parental responsibility if mum is neglectful?

You don't report the parent. You report the child. There is a child here who has suffered neglect and possibly further significant harm (of medical neglect continues. An assessment would look at all care, including that of the children's father.
I would suggest you sit down as a group of people who are responsible for the wellbeing of these children and make some plans about how this is never repeated and how the two parents, parent in a way that is safe and all needs are being met.
I work in Safeguarding and would suggest if the parents cannot do this themselves then they self refer for some early help, possible a family support worker. Hope the situation can be made safe ASAP.

I agree with the others? It's equally their dad's responsibility. He must have realised the dentist has never been mentioned and noticed the poor dental health when helping her brush her teeth.

If you report then that should also include your partner being mentioned also as he doesn't seem to do his share of the 50/50 parenting.

It also worries me that your profession includes safegaurding and yet you are with someone who falls into the red flag category himself.

Just to say as a dad to 2 Ds, and one who works shifts and his married to a shift working wife too, I take the boys to the dentist and doctors just as often as my wife. I arrange their appointments too,
I am their parent too, so I believe your DP is just as neglectful as his ex.
Also it takes months of neglect of tooth brushing to get to the point of 3 fillings and a tooth abscess so your DP and you have also neglected her too. Poor girl.

How thick is your partner? He never thought to ask his children how it went each time they were supposed to have visited the dentist? Is he not very interested in them ?

Well this isn't aggressive at all We have shared care and never once have I or my DP randomly asked DSD if she was supposed to have a dentist appointment since I saw her last. How would the dad know what week they are 'supposed' to have been for check ups unless the mum tells them? Or do you want them to double check at every handover whether or not they have had dentist/doctor appointments in the last few days? Don't get this comment at all.

Also unless I'm missing the point, OP is saying that there are several instances where the DD has became seriously unwell while with the mum, but they don't get medical/dental attention until they are with the dad/OP? If this is the case, why would the OP need to report the dad too?

Don't get this comment at all

My comment was in reference to the fact that whilst the father was living with the mother he had taken no notice of whether his children had actually been to the dentist when he mother claimed to have taken them.
I don’t think it’s odd to ask a small child how it went at the dentist, quite normal.

How can you be brushing (or supervising brushing) of a child’s teeth regularly and not notice decay? Before an abcess appears and before they need three fillings - that’s pretty poor dental care across the board - the child has been failed by all the adults responsible for their care, not just their mum.

I’d echo the suggestion that the three of you sit down and agree how you are all going to identify and attend to the DCs care needs - which is exactly what social services would do with any referral at this stage.

@FissionChips I agree it would be normal to ask, if you lived with the DC and knew they had an appointment. But the dad doesn't live with the mum. Would be odd to ask how they got on at the dentist if you didn't know whether they had been for an appointment or not - how would the dad know? And still think your comment was pretty aggressive, even if he did know but he didn't ask how the appt went, doesn't make him thick or uninterested - my DSD doesn't get questioned about every single thing she has done since we saw her last, and we are neither thick nor uninterested.

whilst the father was living with the mother he had taken no notice of whether his children had actually been to the dentist How do you know this? Unless I've missed posts, OP hasn't mentioned anything about what went on with appointments while he was still with his ex.

Me and ex have always taken ds to the doctors, A&E, opticians and dentist when needed. It the responsibility of both of us as his parents.
Sorry but you can't lay the blame just at her door.

HollyGoLoudly OP did say they've never seen a dentist

Sorry I have seen the post now where she says it - and says the mum had told him she was taking them but lied about it. Agree ALL adults involved in care need to take responsibility for the DC but honestly don't understand why there is so much negativity aimed at the Dad here?

@Snowysky20009 Totally agree, but isn't what the OP is saying is that the mum ISNT taking them when needed, and they are only being taken when the DC comes to the OPs house? I'm sorry but the fact that the DC was ill enough to be kept off school but hadn't been taken to a GP or dentist is quite concerning to me.

@Snowysky20009 yeah I apologise, I had skimmed over that bit at first.

How did you miss it when I quoted it?’

To clarify, I totally agree the DCs health is the responsibility of both parents. However if my DSDs mum said she had sorted out dental check ups/GP appointments, I wouldn't think she was lying about it - that's the underlying issue here imo but OP/Dad seem to be getting the blame even though OP is the one who sorted it

Like I said, I was skim reading and have already apologised. It doesn't make your comment any less agressive and I still disagree with it.