Am I over thinking safeguarding

[Mar1984]

I work in a profession where safeguarding is a huge aspect and I receive a lot of training on signs to look out for and when to refer. Following another training this week I starteted to worry I should of referred my partners ex and this could get me in trouble. Her DD arrived a few ago with a huge abscess crying in pain and stated she had been off school for 3 days but her mum hadn’t got her a dentist appointment, I phoned the mum and she said she doesn’t actually have a dentist for them and had tried that day but couldn’t sort it, she had told partner she did previous to this but she wanted to do appointments. A few phone calls later I had both children a dentist and an emergency appointment for that day where the child (8) needed 3 filings.
There has been incident when she hadn’t taken to Drs - one was the DS (4) had Scarlett fever and one look at him and I got him an appointment. The DS also never wants to be there with her when we collect him he runs out the door, won’t talk to her on the phone and gets so upset on the day he goes back as he doesn’t want to be there (we have them 50/50).
The lack of medical care is a huge red flag and I am worried I should of done something, I have spoke to my partner and he says if it’s my duty I should do the referral but I also don’t want to be seen as causing trouble where it’s not needed as we have the kids a lot so I am actively monitoring the situation.

Phone the mash and do a no names consultation in the first instance. See what they say.

Yes, report

I assume you will be reporting the care of the child to be inadequate and naming both the equal parents, yes ?

Its definitely neglect but 50/50 responsibility. Poor child.
I work in your profession and wouldn't think twice about reporting even if it turned out to be false. But beware this could easily come back on your partner.

This need sorting it doesn't need reporting.

Your partner obviously thinks looking after his children is women's work.

What would you even say though.

A child was ill for a couple of days and was then taken to the doctor by a parent. Or there was an issue with a tooth that was resolved within 3 days.

SS won't care.

You, however, are being taken for a mug and used as a replacement parent because your dp can't be arsed.

Of course SS won't care, around us it can take 3 days to see a GP if you are lucky, ring at 0800 on day, answered at 0820, all appointments gone again, try in the morning or go to A&E.
Dentist, if you have NHS good luck, if not forget it.
Holly the op and her DP have 50/50 parental responsibility, I am still married, but if my kids need to go to Doctors or Dentist, and I am home I take them, we both work shifts, so both regularly end up booking the appointments. It is in my job description as a dad/parent. That's why the dad( OP DP) is rightly getting stick.
I only feel sorry for the children.

I appreciate all your replies. Do ex doesn’t work and never has so when she said she sorted all of that I understand why he took that as given and didn’t push it. However now they are spilt and he has discovered that wasn’t the case we have taken charge of appointments, I sorted it that day because I was home first the follow up appointments have been booked for him to take. There are wider issues but the lack of treatment when she was at home all day with the child didn’t sit well with me

But if you have them 50/50, then it is as much his responsibility to notice and sort as it is hers?

I cannot fathom most of these replies.

If the child became ill whilst with their DM, how on earth is it the fault of their DF?! Regardless of residency arrangements whoever the child was with when they fell ill has 100% of the responsibility for arranging it asap.

OP has clearly stated that she dealt with the issues because she was first to see the children when she realised the children were sick. Can you imagine the slating she'd have received if she ignored a sick child until their DF came home because they're his responsibility which is what their awful negligent 'D'M has done!

It sounds like you're doing a great job OP, thank goodness the children have you as their DSM.

@MayCatt this was my thinking too, I'm genuinely a bit lost with this thread!

the lack of treatment when she was at home all day with the child didn’t sit well with me

How about a father who has his child overnight on a regular basis being so lax about checking toothbrushing that he fails to notice enough decay to warrant three fillings?

How does that sit with you?

You sorted it that day because he expected you to. Because it's become part of your job by default. Just like you sorted the scarlet fever issue. Don't backtrack - who cares what we think on here? - just think it through yourself. It's bloody obvious from your opening post that your partner has done and is doing what, tbh, a significant proportion of separated men do - draft in another female and then just carry on as if nothing has changed and they are not, in effect, solo parents with the responsibility to be the checkers, the phoners, the ones poised to take time off.

I honestly can't believe the hard time the OP is getting about being the one that called for the appointment. Who cares if she called or Dad called, is that really the big issue here? She noticed the child wasn't well, the dad was at work, so she called the dentist/GP. She obviously has a very close relationship with her SC if the mum is happy for her to take the child at handover while dad is working. What do you expect her to do? Would it be better if she just left the child being unwell until the dad got home?

Feel like SM's are sometimes damned if we do and damned if we don't. She's getting a hard time for being the one who called but she would have got absolutely flamed if she hadn't (disinterested SM, not stepping up, shouldn't have got involved if you didn't want the responsibility).

I wasn't 'drafted in' thank you very much - how patronising. My DP and I are very much in love, engaged and expecting our own DC now and years down the line I have built a loving relationship with my DSD. If she was under my care while dad was at work and unwell I would absolutely take responsibility for phoning the GP or dentist. What else would you expect me to do?

Would love a genuine (not attacking/judgemental) answer about what OP was supposed to have done in this situation. Not being goady, but if people honestly think what happened was wrong then what should she have done in this situation? An unwell child is dropped off to her while Dad is at work... what would be the correct SM etiquette?