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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is stinginess the most unattractive character flaw

127 replies

DrowningEveryDay · 06/06/2018 01:33

in a potential partner?

And could you share stories of stinginess that turned you off?

OP posts:
moredoll · 06/06/2018 19:10

My DM's mantra was always 'never marry a mean man'.
There's a difference between stingy and frugal. We're not well off but DP is one of the most generous people I know, with his time and his emotional input as well as his money. I always knew I was lucky - reading some of the threads on Mumsnet I feel truly blessed.

PurpleTigerLove · 06/06/2018 19:24

Thick and lazy . I could cope with an intelligent hardworking stingy bloke before a thick lazy spendy one .

Roussette · 06/06/2018 19:32

But it's never either/or is it. There are plenty of hardworking intelligent generous (of heart) blokes. As there are thick lazy stingy ones.

Thingsthatgo · 06/06/2018 19:46

TBH I am careful with my money, and it’s a trait that I find attractive. I certainly don’t like guys that flash the cash to impress. My DH is a really generous person, but is careful with money, and considers purchases because it means we can save some money each month to buy our next house.

Metoodear · 06/06/2018 19:48

I remember going out and the girls wanting to split the billl 7 ways they have 4 bottles of wine between them and I don’t drink when out because it costs a bomb
Hmm

Or when I saw some reduced school uniform and asked my mate if I should grab her some she has 5 children so cheap uniform is a god send However really felt put out to rembuirse me the money

Well buy your full price ducking uniform next time

Slanetylor · 06/06/2018 19:59

Stingy people think generous people are stupid. Getting something from them from free sometimes makes them feel more superior or intelligent.
I do think that generous people do notice Stingyness, stingy people never seem to realise this or don’t care maybe.

Fightthebear · 06/06/2018 20:11

Entirely agree Slane - they think they’re getting one up on other people and take pleasure in that.

Fightthebear · 06/06/2018 20:12

In response to a pp, I call other people tight and I’m freaking excellent with money.

ZiziJeanmaire · 06/06/2018 21:57

Frugal is fine. It makes sense to pick up a bargain or follow a budget to live within your means.

But meanness is a massive red flag. If you are not generous with money then you are not generous in other ways.

BIL and SIL live joyless lives, always looking at the cost of everything, but conversely not understanding the value of things which cost nothing - your time, small kindnesses, lovely gestures etc.

Quimby · 06/06/2018 22:06

200% agree

The amount of posters on here who expect to eat for free on a first date by virtue of their genitals

Stingy beyond belief

S

princesstiasmum · 06/06/2018 22:23

The man i posted about earlier was always telling me how he was a soft touch and even bought people he sat next to on a seafront bench ,coffee, and how he would offer to run neighbours somewhere
Also what he was being bought for Christmas or birthdays,but would turn the heating off at home when he had been out and discovered his son had turned it on
I had been seeing him for quite a few months and when it came to Christmas said i havent bought you anything as you are not my family,
Should have dumped him then,
He often asked if i liked a certain perfume or some kind of jewellery, as if he was fishing for what to get me for Christmas or birthday,
Promising that we would go places, never happened
I finally decided enough was enough, last week, and dumped him,
I did really like him, apart from the meaness and broken promises
I told him i think i am worth more than that,it was hard to do, but if i cared about someone i could never be like that
I am sure he didnt think anything was wrong,
I am even wondering now if he is a narccisist as its all about him, and he says he doesnt feel guilty about cheating on his [ex] wife,it was her own fault for not letting him have sex,she deserved being cheated on
I have the feeling it was because he was mean with her too, now

princesstiasmum · 06/06/2018 22:28

Should have added he wasnt poor,had a big 4x4 and beautiful house, nice clothes etc,so not mean because of being poor
He looked down on people in my opinion from comments he made

findthegap · 06/06/2018 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slanetylor · 06/06/2018 22:52

Really!!! That is the best story I’ve heard in ages! Priceless Grin 😂

Quimby · 06/06/2018 23:01

“He fell asleep in my room and pretended to be unable to be woken up. The next morning, I pointed out that he had refused to pay ”

😂😂😂😂 serous neck

headinhands · 06/06/2018 23:04

Pettiness for me. Instant killer.

findthegap · 06/06/2018 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpacePenguin · 07/06/2018 10:59

Agree that there's a big difference between frugal and stingy. As other posters have pointed out, people who are stingy are very often mean in other ways too. And take great pleasure in getting one up on you which can be very hurtful. I have one relative who is very mean (but not poor in any way) and it does jar that meals we cook for them are never reciprocated. We joke that you have to bring your own tea bag when you visit because you won't be offered a cuppa.

I tend to be frugal, but would hate to be thought of as mean. This thread has me worried! I try to make sure that I have plenty of money budgeted for nights out, so I don't look like I'm watching the pennies. But I would try to suggest a free or lower cost option if someone suggested a last minute expensive meal or whatever.

I also try to give my time generously and do things for people. I go out of my way to bake a cake, drop off a meal, organise or host get togethers, visit friends who live further away, etc. I don't spend big money, but try to make my loved ones feel special.

I also value experiences, so don't buy huge presents for my nieces and nephews, but I take them to see a play or a show that I think they might like during the year, or bring them to the woods for a day, etc.

wiilowmelangell · 07/06/2018 11:44

My exh was stingy. I had to buy my own wedding ring.
He never left a tip.
The most mortifying trick he used a lot was, in the pub with his mates, he would plead poor then offer to go to the bar to carry the other guys drinks rounds and POCKET their change.
After I gave birth to our lovely dd, he cut flowers from his mums garden for me.
He only ever wanted to spend £3 on Xmas presents.

wiilowmelangell · 07/06/2018 11:44

My exh was stingy. I had to buy my own wedding ring.
He never left a tip.
The most mortifying trick he used a lot was, in the pub with his mates, he would plead poor then offer to go to the bar to carry the other guys drinks rounds and POCKET their change.
After I gave birth to our lovely dd, he cut flowers from his mums garden for me.
He only ever wanted to spend £3 on Xmas presents.

wiilowmelangell · 07/06/2018 11:44

My exh was stingy. I had to buy my own wedding ring.
He never left a tip.
The most mortifying trick he used a lot was, in the pub with his mates, he would plead poor then offer to go to the bar to carry the other guys drinks rounds and POCKET their change.
After I gave birth to our lovely dd, he cut flowers from his mums garden for me.
He only ever wanted to spend £3 on Xmas presents.

wiilowmelangell · 07/06/2018 11:44

My exh was stingy. I had to buy my own wedding ring.
He never left a tip.
The most mortifying trick he used a lot was, in the pub with his mates, he would plead poor then offer to go to the bar to carry the other guys drinks rounds and POCKET their change.
After I gave birth to our lovely dd, he cut flowers from his mums garden for me.
He only ever wanted to spend £3 on Xmas presents.

wiilowmelangell · 07/06/2018 11:44

My exh was stingy. I had to buy my own wedding ring.
He never left a tip.
The most mortifying trick he used a lot was, in the pub with his mates, he would plead poor then offer to go to the bar to carry the other guys drinks rounds and POCKET their change.
After I gave birth to our lovely dd, he cut flowers from his mums garden for me.
He only ever wanted to spend £3 on Xmas presents.

wiilowmelangell · 07/06/2018 11:44

My exh was stingy. I had to buy my own wedding ring.
He never left a tip.
The most mortifying trick he used a lot was, in the pub with his mates, he would plead poor then offer to go to the bar to carry the other guys drinks rounds and POCKET their change.
After I gave birth to our lovely dd, he cut flowers from his mums garden for me.
He only ever wanted to spend £3 on Xmas presents.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 07/06/2018 14:06

Oh, the bar thing sounds like a woman I knew. She would stand behind her friends in the queue for the bar making chit-chat, but when you finally got to the front it would be, “oh no, I forgot my purse!” Then she would promptly disappear.

At a restaurant she would always offer to take the combined money from everyone to the cash register where she would pocket the tips. Then she would get a receipt and claim it on tax.

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