Is stinginess the most unattractive character flaw

[DrowningEveryDay]

in a potential partner?

And could you share stories of stinginess that turned you off?

Stinginess is very unattractive. It can be a means of controlling others dressed up as virtue. Be careful.

Stinginess is annoying but (leaving aside bigotry, hate speech and abusive behaviours) for me closed-mindedness is the worst. I can't stand people who have no interest in anything outside their current knowledge and experience.

Stingyness is a very unattractive Mean-ness of the heart. Is really nasty. Turns me right off.

I think stinginess and narrow mindedness often go hand in hand.

I guess there's a difference between being stingy and economical

I'd rather someone be careful with their money than splash it about. If someone used credit to live a lifestyle beyond their means so that they could have an appearance of generosity, that would be a bigger red flag to me.

It's a terrible trait. A friend of mine at uni had a boyfriend who was terribly tight. If all went out for dinner he would insist on splitting the bill or paying our own way depending on how expensive his meal was. So if he had a steak and red wine that cost more than anyone else's meal he would insist we split and when he had a cheap salad he would insist we each pay our share. He also used to join us on nights out and refuse to contribute to taxi costs because in his view we would have gone out and paid it anyway even if he wasn't there.

I lived with that friend for a while and he moved in for a few months because he couldn't find flatmates (unsurprisingly) and he used to make my friend take 3 minute showers so that his could also be 3 minutes and he could claim that he didn't need to contribute to bills etc cos it wasn't costing us any more for him to be there.

I loathed him!

I h

Sometimes we have to accept people are just stingy. Not poor, not anxious, just *stingy.

I hate stinginess. My DH is so generous and that's what one of the qualities that attracted him to me decades ago.

I had a stingy boyfriend. His eyes were like cash registers going round, totting up who had spent what the whole time. Then after a week or two of reciprocation from me, he'd suddenly list the differences... it would go like this..

"So at that meal you rounded it down and put in £10 and that means you underpaid 64p, then when you bought those bits in Tesco, that means I underpaid by £2.50 but then there was the bar where I bought an extra drink, but of course you bought me some milk when you came round blah blah blah.... so you owe me £4.50"

He kept a tally in his head.

Most unattractive, he didn't last long.

I'm stingy, but that's cos I'm poor!

I like to think my day to day stinginess allows us to have a better quality of life by not being terminally broke.

I wouldn't think of you as stingy YetAnother! My ex I spoke about earned gazillions, he was just tight as a ducks arse!

Yes 100%!! I hate it.
There is a genuine difference if they can't afford it but you can tell. I've dated guys that have suggested we go out and then expected me to pay 🤢
I think it's selfish and ppl are right, it shows up in every part of life. I can't be friends with them either.

I've dated guys that have suggested we go out and then expected me to pay
I think it's selfish

yup bit its definitely not selfish to expect to be paid for.

@KlutzyDraconequus I mean every-time. I'm happy to pay but clearly I set a precedent because then I was expected to pay every time.
I believe either you split it or you pay every other time? It's not fair to invite someone out and expect to be paid for!

I dated someone briefly who had a very well paid job and 10 of thousands in savings but was so tight it was unbelievable. This included no heating, eating the cheapest most low quality food available and worst of all barely ever doing laundry. He would wear the same t-shirts and pants for weeks at a time. His reasoning was that he showered every day and didn't have a sweaty job. They were white but turning brown. It took a while for me to realise this and where the fusty smell was coming from.

It's strange how men are found attractive for getting their wallets out and considered not worth dating if they don't. Yet there are numerous threads on here about women expecting a man to pay for them so why is it not the same when sexes are reversed?

Perhaps they start off economical to weed out gold diggers so as to ensure the person likes them not their wallet.

My brother is SO stingy it’s unreal, and my family have huge issues with him because of this. He had a well paying job and used to buy very expensive watches and clothes for himself, then do things like the following:

Cooked lasagne when my friend was round. Asked if we wanted some. After the meal tried to charge us 5£ each for our portion!

Walks 1.5 miles every day to go to Waitrose to buy a single banana to get a free coffee.

Goes round to our house and drinks all of our beer and leaves once it’s gone (never bring anything with him).

Once went to a cafe for lunch and I had something worth 5£ and he 25£ and he tried to get me to split bill 50:50

Will sit in a pub with friends and only have tap water for hours whilst they have beer.

This weekend went on a day out with DH and his friends. DH’s friend paid for everyone and when DB was asked to contribute his share the next day said he didn’t want to because he was too drunk to remember eating...

So so so many examples I think it’s the most horrible of the least obviously bad character traits. Meanwhile he is spending 100s of pounds a month to take a girl he’s seeing to hotels as he is living at home and wants his privacy. Completely selfish arse, and very VERY embarrassing.

But it's all about swings and roundabouts, isn't it? When I was dating I would reciprocate, I would take it in turns, I would buy a drink when it was my turn BUT if it ended up that he had bought the last drink and it was an odd number because we left after 3, so he'd bought an extra one, I would not expect someone to take note of that. THAT is stinginess because I am a generous person too and will make it up in some other way at some point.

My ExH was stingy. Actually, he was financially abusive, but these things creep up on you and you don't notice until it's too late and you're in the middle of it.
When you're both skint (students) and most of your friends are skint, you don't notice so much, but as we both got better pay through the years, his stinginess became control and abuse, - so it's not necessarily just an unattractive trait. I agree it is some form of mental illness. It explains a lot, and he had other unattractive traits - manipulative, a liar, passive aggressive, would stonewall, selfish generally, late all the time, uncaring.

The worst is making themse!ves look very generous to outsiders but stingy with you.I know someone like this people think he's a lovely man.I know better

It’s nothing to do with being broke. Some of the people I know with least disposable cash are the most generous, in many ways.

It’s a completely joyless way to be and a red flag for me in a partner or friend.

Also linked to being emotional uptight ime and unable to give emotionally.

I know someone like that princess. A lifelong friend of mine is married to a stingy man. To us and our friends, he is generous, first at the bar type person but behind closed doors, no. It's all show.
My friend doesn't tell me much now but I just know from how they live. He is a multi millionaire (sold a business) and when they had an extension built, she was the one out there digging holes for the foundations because he was too tight to pay for builders. They'll end up going on holidays to cheap accommodation (no aircon in August type place). He won't spend money unless he has to. shudder

Roussette I went out with someone similar! It was a massive turnoff. I'm absolutely not a gold digger either.
It was one of the main reasons I dumped him because the constant tallying and forgetting when I'd paid was exhausting.
We went for a meal once which he said he'd treat me to and said 'I think the looks lovely I'll bet you fancy that I didn't actually. When the bill came so did the theatrical gasps and comments of 'I'm on beans on toast for the rest of the month' which really spoiled the occasion.
I earn more than my partner atm and enjoy treating him. Its about attitude.

I think there's a difference between stinginess and frugality.

I am pretty frugal - I will go without things for myself if money is tight. I like to think I'm pretty open-handed, though, in terms of other people!

I think a lot of people on Mumsnet are the other way round - very spendy on themselves (large house, big car) then insisting that £10 is 'plenty' for a present for a parent or sibling. I find that... unappealing.

This overall drive to Tesco for a pint of milk rather than pay an extra 5p in a local shop.doesn't make sense.also didn't get me a Xmas present because we were only going out.not married.dumped now of course.hardly texted because it cost money.

In the past I think I would have agreed but I really think it's about why and how it's done

My DP grew up homeless with three brothers in some genuinely horrendous circumstances he was bounced in and out of foster care with family and had it seriously rough with not enough money to eat

So in some ways he can be stingy.....he defeats from the bottom of his soul eating out if we are out all day, he gets genuinely upset at the price of kids magazines, will absolutely not buy brand food himself and nearly has a heart attack if I want to use the car for a walkable distance (which he pretty much defines within ten miles)

But....he genuinely cannot help it

And he knows what matters....the DC are bought everything they need...he will go and hunt games and toys for them from charity shops....but ones he knows they will love (and he always sodding gets it right lol) , he will replace their worn out clothes faster than I can or their df can

If he thinks they may be hungry (usually because they have eaten just shy of half a horse that morning) he will be the first to get them something...didnt turn a hair at buying a huge watermelon yesterday because eldest DC 's eyes went wide with excitement at the sight of it

And he takes personal insult if I ever do not have fresh flowers bought by him by my bedside

So he Is to the rest if the world stingy as he'll and a massive cheapskate but there's a reason why and he isn't when it counts

Does that make sense?