Baby 'advice' frustration

[merville]

My lo (1st) is now 8 months old and I've tried to take on board current nhs/who guidance while not following it slavishly,

I have to say I have been on the receiving end of more unsolicited 'advice', questioning and inappropriate behaviour from family and strangers in the last 8 months than I have ever experienced before in my life.

"Do you not give her a dummy? Is would help her sleep/settle her".
No, from day one I tried to but she just dropped it out of her mouth & didn't really suck it, I put it back in, she let it drop .. after 20 times I gave up. Cue skeptical look.

"Do you not give her finger food?"
Yes, she gets finger foods as well (had brought packets because in a last minute rush cause dh forgot about a 2 hr trip to visit his Dad).

Total strangers walk up to you and ask to nurse/cuddle your baby in bar/restaurants "I could settle her for you; I'm a great cuddler, I love cuddling babies, I cuddle all the babies in the church group".
Ah, you're alright (inwardly thinking, yeah but we're not in your church group).

Other shop/cafe worker, having chatted for 2 mins, says she'll hold baby while I have tea (holds her arms out so it's really difficult to refuse), then says 'we'll go for a walk and give Mummy peace" and heads off around the (large) shop/cafe while my lo casts me anxious glances and I wonder if she's going to break into full screaming.

The 3 v's 6 month feeding issue - I didn't even wait til 6 months but had intense pressure from family members etc. to feed from 3 months. When discussing the current advice at the weekend ("Did your mother wait til 6 months to feed you.??!!").

Just a very few examples in a long and varied litany.

Anyone else like to join in with a rant or moan on this subject?

Ignore it and do what you and your baby need to do to be safe, happy and healthy.

I've been pretty lucky with mine (now 10m) but I've had my mum telling me off for even trying to give her a dummy 'nasty plastic thing', not that she would even take it. Also had the 'arent you giving her solids yet!?' at 12 weeks old. Once was asked to go and BF her in someone's dining room as there were men in the lounge and I'd 'be more comfortable', oh yeah, because trying to feed a wriggling 4 month old on a small chair with no arms is easier than discreetly in a corner armchair where I can prop her on a cushion? Sigh.

(When I say 'from day 1' re. the dummy, I don't mean that literally; I mean from an earlyish stage (avoided it at the very beginning cause of trying to establish breast-feeding).

Redpanda I had the opposite re. the dummy; more than 1 person asked 'does she not take a dummy?" and looked at me like I was Cruella de Ville, purposely depriving my lo of a dummy.

It's an odd phenomenon - once you have a baby, lots of people seem to think they can comment and give unsolicited advice, sometimes in a quite righteous manner...

Try and let it wash over you. Easier said than done, I know - I still get ragey moments thinking back to those early days and people's ridiculous opinions and my DD is now nearly 8!

That just demo's part of why BFing lags in the UK; men can look at tits in the Sun etc. but god forbid they see one while a woman's doing a natural thing feeding a baby.

While I'm totally against the principle of you moving, if that's what was happening, why not just offer a bedroom.

Fobber - that's makes me feel better lol.

My baby will be 3 months old tomorrow and I've also had unwanted advise from day one.

DD had a V wet nappy, "you're not changing her NOW are you? You're wasting nappies!" Sorry what? Yeah I'll let her sit in a soaking nappy for a while longer, ooh maybe if we wait long enough she'll get nappy rash! Idiots.

"Why don't you dress her in something other than baby grows?" She was TWO DAYS old, seriously????????????

The WORST one is when people tell me to go out and have a few hours for myself, I went out for literally 2 hours.. the SAME people then made several comments about me leaving the baby (with her dad may I add) and accused me of being selfish? I went to get my hair cut 🙄

People really come up to you in restaurants asking to cuddle your baby? People? This has happened more than once?

I hate to tell you it doesn't get better!

With my 6 year old I frequently get ;

• why do you bath her everyday she doesn't need a bath (she doesn't wipe her arse properly and gets cystitis if I don't so yeah she does)

• she doesn't need her hair washed every day (it's full of spaghetti/paint/yogurt)

• she doesn't need her lunch so early (ok you deal with her at 12.05 then)

😬😬😬😬😬

Oh yeah and re people in restaurants the worst place I found was people in supermarkets. Random old people all wanting to touch my babies face. I am OCD about germs at the best of times but that sent me over the edge!

Dippy - that is exactly the kind of crazy-making sh*t I'm talking about.

My Mum, while she's helped me a huge amount (must say that or I'll feel v guilty) - is obsessed with getting lo out of baby gros "they look too babyish", "noone puts their babes in those any more, it's all separates" ...
(Me) she is a baby, they're only for sleep, she has separates too, they're comfortable).

Return - yes' it's has happened several times (more since I've returned to Ireland from England to be fair) ; they may not always phrase ti as cuddle, but if I engage at all with middle aged ladies who admire lo, within a matter of mins they ask 'can I have a 'nurse' of her', 'would she come to me?', "would she take strange to me?", always while holding out arms/reaching for her in a way that makes it a rhetorical question.

I appear to have a baby who is middle aged lady cat-nip (not offence to middle aged ladies, and of course not everyone is like that).

I didn’t give unsolicited advice but did ask a lot of questions about my niece. Her parents were constantly going on about how something or other was so difficult and it was sometimes difficult to see why!

(And by engage I mean return a smile or answer a question from a lady/ies at nearby tables or walking past). I'm now avoiding making eye contact, which is not normal for me.

People - oh no ... I've only had 8 months and I felt the need to start this thread; I don't know how I'm going to take it.

Lol'd at spag/paint/yoghurt

I am so with you, my Lo is 4 and a half months old and if my mum asks me one more time about solid food I’m going to scream. She was crying at her house the other day (because she gets close to my little ones face and waves various toys at her, the minute I bring her in the house). Lo gets overwhelmed. They also have a Yorkshire terrier which they constantly shout at to “get away from the baby” the shouting makes my Lo anxious more than the dog! Lo all fine when we get home from my parents all smiles again. Next day text message from mum about hungry milk and baby rice and upping her milk. Baby feeds fine with no issues and is on comfort milk. There is no need for hungry milk. Mum also keeps asking about dropping the one night feed, like I shouldn’t be feeding her at night. She also went on and on about formula feeding (not Breast feeding) and a dummy. Phew sorry think I needed to get that off my chest!!

Oh God, I feel you. DS is now 8 months but when he was 8 WEEKS SIL said I should be doing controlled crying and book/bath/bottle bed (or whatever fucking order it is). He was barely out of the womb, ffs!

The health visiting team at my shit old GP's suggested I gave him instant mash at 4 months to make him sleep through. He is on three meals a day at 8 months now and still nowhere near sleeping through and I didn't have to give him Smash at 4 months.

Middle aged lady cat nip 😂

Middle aged lady cat nip

"You're welcome to have a cuddle but she has been projectile vomiting recently. It's amazing how much sick can come out of a person so small" etc etc. Or just, no thanks.

I'm super lucky to have amazingly supportive friends and family but sometimes they do come out with some blinders. My DD is named for my deceased DGrandpa - the same first letter. DGP had a name that could be used for either sex. When I told Dgrandma the name and the reason behind it, her response was "we'll you should just call her [DGP's name]"

Stars - I accidentally bought a carton of Hungry Infant formula (I was combined feeding, didn't manage to exclusively BF) and a HV saw it and advised strongly not to use them; according to her they just bung up/constipate the baby and offer no advantages.
In fact now HV's etc. are saying to stick to first infant milk (if you're formula feeding) for the entire first year & not even use follow-on milks because apparently it's a marketing scam and is unnecessary. Of course that's another thing you have to justify to your relatives "You should be in the follow on milk, it says from 6 months on the packet".

(And not that HVs can't be a subject in their own right).

Agentcooper (love the username) - instant mash? I though that crap, even for adults?
And yes, all the forceful theories/advice re. feeding and sleeping through ...

@merville can you explain the follow on milk marketing crap to me please? I've got DD on stage 2 milk because (partly) of the iron content but mostly because one tub of aptamil 1st MIL is £13 but asda do 2 for £18 on the follow on milk. I think I've missed something.

Bobbie - now that I think about it, I don't know if a HV also said that; but where I actually got it was from an information leaflet on baby feeding, which said that follow on milk/formula was unnecessary and to use first infant for the first year. Because it was a printed leaflet and is prob. in my moving boxes somewhere, I can't check it; but I'll have a quick google now and see if I can find anything.

I think that a H reiterated that - about all non 'first infant products' when she commented on the hungry infant stuff.

Found this on nhs website;

"Unless your midwife, health visitor or GP suggests otherwise, first infant formula is the only formula your baby needs. Your baby can stay on it when you start to introduce solid foods at around six months and drink it throughout their first year".

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/types-of-infant-formula/

Also;

"Research shows that switching to follow-on formula at six months has no benefits for your baby. Your baby can carry on having first infant formula as their main drink until they are one year old.

The labels on follow-on formula can look very similar to those on first infant formula. Read them carefully to avoid making a mistake."

Does follow-on formula have more iron then?

I wonder why it's cheaper than first infant, that's odd.