Baby 'advice' frustration

[merville]

My lo (1st) is now 8 months old and I've tried to take on board current nhs/who guidance while not following it slavishly,

I have to say I have been on the receiving end of more unsolicited 'advice', questioning and inappropriate behaviour from family and strangers in the last 8 months than I have ever experienced before in my life.

"Do you not give her a dummy? Is would help her sleep/settle her".
No, from day one I tried to but she just dropped it out of her mouth & didn't really suck it, I put it back in, she let it drop .. after 20 times I gave up. Cue skeptical look.

"Do you not give her finger food?"
Yes, she gets finger foods as well (had brought packets because in a last minute rush cause dh forgot about a 2 hr trip to visit his Dad).

Total strangers walk up to you and ask to nurse/cuddle your baby in bar/restaurants "I could settle her for you; I'm a great cuddler, I love cuddling babies, I cuddle all the babies in the church group".
Ah, you're alright (inwardly thinking, yeah but we're not in your church group).

Other shop/cafe worker, having chatted for 2 mins, says she'll hold baby while I have tea (holds her arms out so it's really difficult to refuse), then says 'we'll go for a walk and give Mummy peace" and heads off around the (large) shop/cafe while my lo casts me anxious glances and I wonder if she's going to break into full screaming.

The 3 v's 6 month feeding issue - I didn't even wait til 6 months but had intense pressure from family members etc. to feed from 3 months. When discussing the current advice at the weekend ("Did your mother wait til 6 months to feed you.??!!").

Just a very few examples in a long and varied litany.

Anyone else like to join in with a rant or moan on this subject?

Yes, I see NHS is still advising to introduce food groups one at a time which is odd as this is not evidence based. Not that there's anything wrong with it as an approach, but it's not thought to be necessary if you're waiting until around 6 months to start anyway.

But even though iron stores are said to "run out" at 6 months it doesn't necessarily mean they are immediately iron deficient. There will be some slowdown. I believe infant first formula is iron enriched too so if the baby has been formula fed prior to 6 months then they would have been getting a supply of iron, too.

My DM told me when my Dd was not even a month old to give her water, maybe she is thirsty. DH said the same to give her water when she was not older than 3months.
More from DM: give BISCUITS with apple as part of weaning.
Other pearls from friends:
*cover her face when you go out(December time)
*she is not sleepy. Look how jolly she is( dead tired and overexcited). aaaa she is tired😡!!!

Give him a bottle he'll STTN - Nope and never STTN until he was 2
Get him shoes - Got them once he could walk.

Incidently my nephew constantly walks on his toes, may or may not be related to shoes before he could walk, just my observation.

I also believe Follow-on milk has slightly more iron and vit D and is really a way around the laws on advertising Infant formula.

Missing the point somewhat I blinking hate the phrase 'finger food'.

Mine are a bit older now. I have managed to avoid weird chat/advice for ages now. I found baby time was full of these old women appearing from nowhere to be rude and interfering.

Im going to give mums mini bottles of wine when Im an old lady.

In defence of the random cafe cuddlers...

I was in a cafe on my own having stopped there for breakfast whilst out for a morning walk with 3 month DD in sling and my dog. So DD was on my lap and my dog immediately eyed up my breakfast as soon as it came out of the kitchen...a very lovely lady noticed me struggling and left her own relatives and came over and held DD whilst I ate my breakfast.

So far, DD is 4 months, I've had...

Why are you feeding her again.... "Because she's hungry!!!"

Why don't you try giving her water..."what?instead of my perfectly good breast milk which requires no sterilisation preparation and therefore no risk of me getting it wrong and giving DD a tummy bug.

From my mum...When am I started giving her food? I gave you food at 3 months... You were always really hungry etc.... You can guess who the two previous comments came from... Maybe if she had fed me more often and given me breast milk instead of water I might not have been so hungry!!!

Before DD was born.... You'll never stick with cloth nappies...4 months and still going strong!!!

Multiple nagging incidence from my mum about DH being in spare room, and me "pushing him out".. All 3 of us sleep best this way, DD can be fed in bed, DH has yet to have a single disturbed night's sleep since DD was born, I can get back to sleep quicker and easier with the bed to myself, and everyone is super chilled out!!

If I hear "sleep when the baby sleeps" one more f**kig time. My DH had the gall to say it to me the other day. Sure, I'll sleep for two hours during the day but that means we'll all have to wear dirty clothes and eat crisps 'cos that's the only two hours in the day I get to do anything. My LO is 10 months and is like a hazard-seeking Duracell bunny when awake so needs constant supervision.

Imagine how bad I have it. I co sleep and breast feed my 20 month old 😂 they love that.

Instant mash? I though that crap, even for adults?
@merville Yes, pretty sure it is crap! But a recommended food group for the world's shitest health visiting team.

This is reminding me of when I had been up all night (literally about 8 mins of sleep) with DS and DH wakes up to see me trying to settle him by feeding lying down and says 'would you not be better sitting up? Because of gravity?'

The look I gave him. Fuck you and your gravity!!

My favourite was the time a random middle aged woman stopped me whilst I had newborn ds in a sling to explain very carefully that I should have suncream and a hat on him even in the sling and that sunburn was a real danger for babies . . . . . .

. . . . in the middle of the supermarket

It's strangely reassuring to read some of these and to know people aren't giving me 'advice' because they think I am a terrible mother. Some of mine have included giving my breastfed baby water in case he's thirsty, constantly trying to convince me to use formula because it will make things 'easier' and suggesting we start giving baby rice at 3 months to fill him up so he sleeps through. What is people's obsession with babies sleeping through. He will get there when he is ready. Also I have a feeling the formula thing is so other people can have a chance to feed him and since we switched he has only been fed by someone other than me and DH 3 times.

@agentcooper this morning at 5.30 after DD had been crying for an hour and a half I woke DH up and asked for help. He said "well you either settle her or leave her"

Oh, well. I'd not thought of trying to settle her. I'll get right on that!

I think with most advice givers, their heart is in the right place and I just try and nod and smile when I'm not feeling the benefit of their wisdom. A lot of the older generation are only trying to relate your current experience to their dated experience - I think parenting is a bit like driving in that everyone thinks they are the best at it.

I have also had a lot of really good advice from family and friends who already have children that's helped me out loads.

My own advice for new/expectant mothers now that my own first DD is 10 months old is find a routine that you can live with and live the easiest life you can. If you find something arduous or time consuming, educate yourself about why people are doing it and make a judgement call - a lot of parenting is finding the balance of how much guilt you can deal with over not following the ever changing rule book to the letter.

For example - I've never sterilised dummies (I do rinse them) and happy to stick them back in DD's mouth if they drop onto an inside floor, even an outside floor if there's no visible grime or bits on, I have never used the prep machine properly (despite FF from birth) - I don't do the hot water, formula, cold water thing - I just pour all the water in ahead of time and mix the formula in when she needs feeds, this was always much easier at night and DD never minded room temperature feeds, I often but a tiny bit of squash in her water because she drinks more of it that way and she has been in her own room since 7 weeks which suits us all better.

However, if you sterilise everything in a 10 foot radius of your kid because it makes you feel better, breast feed until they are 3 because you truly believe this gives them the best start, ensure they have no refined sugar ever in their diet and sleep better with them lying next to you then carry on - just don't do anything you can't see the point in if it's stressing you out. Either find the point in doing it or sack it off!

I think what grates is that people never phrase their advice as “I found that doing x worked well when my babies were small”, it’s all “you SHOULD do x” as if their way is the only way. So rude and patronising. My MIL manages to give advice without undermining me, it’s perfectly possible.