To let dd1 do ballet?

[arethereanyleftatall]

Dd1,9, has excelled at everything so far; academics, social, extra curricular, everything.
Dd2, 7, has no where near the same confidence level.
The both do lots of extra curricular stuff, dd2 has, presumably deliberately, chosen activities which her big sister doesn't do, and which aren't competitive.
Fine so far.
Except now dd1 wants to go back to ballet. Ballet is dd2s favourite thing in the world, she is not great at it, but thinks she is, so great.
Dd1 is very good at ballet; of all the things she's good at, this was probably her best, but she left for a different sport two years ago.
I know dd2 will be distraught if dd1 goes back to ballet, this is her chance to not be in the shadow of her sister in her mind.
But I'm thinking it's not fair to hold dd1 back from it, as this is not her fault, and let her do it, but continue to do whatever else I can to help dd2s confidence.
Aibu?

Oh this is tricky

I’d be inclined to say no because a friend of mine was always trumped by his brother and he ended up giving up. I’d let dd2 have her little shine. Sounds like dd1 only wants to go back because dd2 is loving it

Likely they would be in different age /ability classes anyway?
Both my dd's (12+11) have periods of same /different activities of when one is better /worse at. You 'interfering' is a no no imo.

Yes. Lifes a competition. Thats just how it is.

Children do not have to compete within families. We do not have to go along with only the fittst survive in this world. We have abandoned that idea so children do not have to compete in order to practice for later in life.

However, I think DD1 chose to do something else. Explain to her that she needs to stick by her decision and she cannot keep swapping and changing. You say she excels at everything. So presumably she excels at what she now wants to give up? I think I would let DD2 continue and let her have the pleasure of not being compared. DD1 has made her choice and if she wants to stop that sport, find another sport, not ballet. She is, after all, behind all the others who stayed doing ballet for the last 2 years and would be in a lower group with younger children. That may persuade her not to do it.

Could you put them in different dance schools? Maybe DD2s school doesn't have space for DD1?

@BubblesBuddy
But we do have to compete in this world.

Its called job interviews, promotions, the workplace generally, raises.

Families are meant to operate like microcosms of wider society.

I would say try dd1 with a musical instrument to broaden her outlook. Great fit with maths as a bonus.

If it were me I wouldn't let her. She chose to stop, so she stopped. If she really wants to dance then do another style of dance.

I would be inclined to say no, only as she has had her chance to do ballet before but gave it up and chose a different sport instead.

This is very unfair on DD1, DD2 doesn't 'own' ballet. DD1 is only 9, are you going to punish her for stopping an activity then realising after having a go at a few others that it really was something she enjoyed?

If your younger DD wants to be good at ballet, encourage her to practise at home, not throw a strop because someone else is better. If it wasn't her sister, it will be someone else.
I would be having firm words with DD1 though, she needs to stick at it this time as you won't allow her to stop-start more than once and that she will have some catching up to do with the other students her age that have been doing ballet these last two years.

YANBU
Of course you let your dd1 do ballet if she wants. DD2 is going to learn eventually that is how life is.

I would say no. She’s had two years out and at the age of 9 is probably too old to catch up for placement into the prestigious ballet schools

Competing against strangers is different to competing every day against the same family member!

Another one here who would say no. We have a similar situation where DS1 excels at any sport he tries, comes home with a new medal or trophy each week and has been put onto the development squad for all the clubs he goes to. DS2 really tries, and enjoys sports, but just doesn't have the natural talent and more importantly, the focus and determination that DS1 does. He attends art club, drama club, beavers, all of which DS1 has never been to and a different swimming club and football team to the ones DS1 goes to, where he just enjoys taking part and there's no pressure to compete.

@Bringonspring
WTF? Why cant she just do ballet, why does she have to "catch up" or go to a prestigious ballet school?

bringonspring that's a bit daft - lots of children study ballet recreationally as a hobby, and there is nothing wrong with that.
99% of children who study ballet will never take a place in a prestigious full time ballet school, and of those that do, only a small percent will go on to actually be ballerinas.
The average joe small dance school / small town dance teacher will be lucky if she sees one or two achieve this sort of level in her career - most of the enjoyment comes from teaching children who dance just as a hobby.

YWBVU to punish a 9yo for her sister's lack of ability, which is what you will be doing if you forbid her do do ballet again just because her sister does it.
To the ones saying "she gave it up, she can't start again", OP made it clear that the reason she is hesitating is because of DS2, not because DD1 gave it up in the past.

I would let her. Not fair to stop DD' doing something she enjoys and is good at because her sister has less confidence.

However, I would enrol them in different ballet schools, with different teachers, to stop any unnecessary comparisons. And I would come down like a ton of bricks on DD1 if she ever tried to make her sister feel small because she is better at ballet. If she is so good at everything then she shouldn't feel the need to put down her younger sister. Why shouldn't ballet become a shared interest? Take them to the (professional) ballet together, encourage them to be really interested in it rather than just treat it as something competitive. Maybe it could end up being good for their relationship rather than a negative to have a genuine shared passion.

Surely it's how you parent that makes the difference.
Mine both did hockey and was a similar situation to your dd's.
You nip the competition in the bud as soon as it starts, if indeed it does.
Then they both did music, the same instrument.
Teach them how to help each other and practice together, and they will be in different classes anyway due to age and/or standard.
I'd let her go back and make sure you are careful about th messages you portray to them.

Why DD1 does she want to start ballet again?

I think you should let her. It's not her fault if DD2 is less able. And DD2 needs to realise that it's not all about her. My sister was better at ballet than me; I was better at tap than her.

The only think I would suggest is make sure than they are not in the same class. (Might be difficult is DD1 is a couple of years older but has missed a couple of years - essentially they might now be the same level).

Of course you should let her!

You’d be doing DD2 no favours trying to protect her from bad feelings originating from a very normal life event. Better to support her in learning to manage her emotions than try shelter her so she doesn’t experience any.

'Dd1 is very good at ballet; of all the things she's good at, this was probably her best'

I expect she wants to go back to it because she realises this and misses it. It would be wrong to prevent her. We should be supporting girls' achievements not giving them the message it isn't nice to be better than others. It is FINE. It is life.

Has either dd1 or you spoken to dd2 about dd1 wanting to do ballet again?

Why does dd1 want to do it again?

Is there another type of dance that she might consider?

And, I honestly don't mean this to come across as snidey, but how do you know a 7 year old is better at ballet than anything else she's excelled at? My dd has done ballet for 6 years and I honestly don't know or care how 'good' she is, either compared to other children in her class or some sort of broader standard.

Families are meant to operate like microcosms of wider society.

Are they? Why?

It’s absolutely not fair to not allow her because she’s good at it but how much does she actually want it? Is it because DD2 is getting a lot of fuss and attention for doing it? Make sure she actually wants to do it maybe.

As well as dd2 needing to learn that 'that's how life is', I'd say that dd1 needs to learn that sometimes you need to recognise your talents and advantages, but not let them cramp someone else's style.

If dd2 choose ballet because dd1 stopped doing it, I think this needs to be held in mind, as dd1's decision will impact on dd2.