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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should have told me?!

62 replies

fetacheeser · 05/06/2018 09:57

I'm pretty close to PiL, we get on well, and we see them a couple of times a month. I'm pregnant with their first GC.

Just last week I was texting FiL as he was meant to come up today to help out with powerwashing. Texted him this morning what time would suit. Got a call from MiL saying he'd had a heart attack on Thursday and has been in surgery etc.! I was shocked; DH has told me nothing and I felt horrified!

DH is at work now so I am not sure how to go about this but AIBU in thinking that he could have told me what's going on?

OP posts:
MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 05/06/2018 09:59

He definitely should have told you! I guess he didn't want to worry you but you still had a right to know!

He's probably very worried and anxious at the moment so be gentle but have a word and let him know that it's important you're made aware of huge things like this!

Merryoldgoat · 05/06/2018 10:03

WTAF? Of course he should’ve told you. Honestly don’t understand how this has slipped his mind - very strange.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 05/06/2018 10:05

How odd. I assume he didn't want to worry you, but he could have just said FIL was unwell and in bed.

Canwejustrelaxnow · 05/06/2018 10:06

This is crazy. I can only think they thought they were protecting you as you're pregnant???

Porridgeprincess · 05/06/2018 10:06

Oh lord, he defintiely should have told you but I think you can't really be pissed off at him as he obviously had his reasons not to and must be very worried

AjasLipstick · 05/06/2018 10:08

Is your DH particularly protective because you're pregnant?

Sockunicorn · 05/06/2018 10:18

My DMs like this. Her DM was in hospital as she had fallen, broken her hip and had to have an operation. She then lost her memory and had no idea who we all were. It was only when my uncle rang me a week later that I found out my DM hadnt bothered telling me or visiting.

I presume your DP hasnt visited him since thursday either if you dont know about it?

Mulberry72 · 05/06/2018 10:30

Does your DH know his Dad has had a heart attack or did not tell him either?

diddl · 05/06/2018 10:32

Has MIL told your husband??

Returnofthesmileybar · 05/06/2018 10:33

Did your dh definitely know? If he did it is beyond weird he didn't mention it

PinkHeart5914 · 05/06/2018 10:36

Maybe he was worried about his dad and his way of coping was to keep it too himself? We all deal with this type of thing In our own way and some people shut down and go in to denial. It’s his father and if he needed some time to accept what’s happened before he said anything I don’t really see that as a huge problem.

JessicaJonesJacket · 05/06/2018 10:37

How odd! I can only assume as PPs have done - that he was being protective of you because of your pregnancy. I'd wait till he comes home and then have a chat about it. It's not a conversation to have over the phone whilst he is in work.

siwel123 · 05/06/2018 10:38

Can't really be pissed off, it is his dad and he is most likely not thinking straight.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/06/2018 10:44

Well, it's odd that he didn't tell you but not sure there is a 'should'.

When did MiL tell DH?

Maybe he didn't want to worry you? Does he withhold other information?

Original poster
fetacheeser · 05/06/2018 10:48

DH definitely knew, MiL said she'd called him right away and she was shocked I didn't know. Sad

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 05/06/2018 10:48

That’s awful. MIL must be pretty upset, too. Talk to her and make your own arrangements to visit or call.

Hope FIL is soon better and DH has some sort of an explanation. It will be a lesson to him to never do such a thing again.

OliviaBenson · 05/06/2018 10:52

Wow. This is awful and has obviously made this situation much more harder on your MIL than it needed to be. I'd text your DH and calmly state that a serious conversation is needed tonight about this.

I hope your FIL gets well soon.

siwel123 · 05/06/2018 10:53

Again don't go in guns blazing. His dad is ill and everyone reacts differently. Yes it has upset you but so is he

summerinrome · 05/06/2018 10:53

My guess is that your dh didn't want to worry you as you are pregnant. he hasn't died, and will prob get better, so in your dh's mind best not to worry you. Still I would have wanted to know!!!!

Eatalot · 05/06/2018 10:54

Most logical explanation is he didnt want to worry you as you are pregnant.

Cadencia · 05/06/2018 11:02

How bizarre, I can't believe he didn't tell you Confused

theredjellybean · 05/06/2018 11:06

How utterly bizarre.
Did your dh not go to see his dad over the weekend or rush to hospital????

Returnofthesmileybar · 05/06/2018 11:07

Very strange!

SamandDean · 05/06/2018 11:07

The only possible explanation I can think of is that he didn’t want to worry and upset you while you’re pregnant. Otherwise it’s very weird not you mention something like this to your wife. Very, very odd

Katedotness1963 · 05/06/2018 11:08

My mum had a stroke when I was about seven months pregnant and my sil decided I shouldn't be told, (didn't want to worry me). Then it started to become clear that mum wasn't going to make it and I had to rush to get a doctors letter and arrange flights home. When I got there mum didn't recognise me and she died two days later.

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