will we ever get married?!

[cookiemonster18]

I feel like I’m going a bit mad here.
Dear Fiancé and I have been engaged for a year next month and are in a largely happy relationship.
The biggest bone of contention and the cause of all of our arguments at the moment is when we will be buying the engagement ring and when we’re going to get married. You see, we were engaged for a mere week before I found out I was expecting. We had planned to choose the ring together after the proposal but then my partners car needed work and with baby on the way we decided to revisit buying the ring when money was less tight.
Throughout pregnancy I had suggested ring shopping but money was prioritised for baby which was completely fine. Now baby is 2 months old and I’m excited to get back to planning.
Last night my fiancé and I started speaking about rings and my partner says he’s still saving and we won’t be able to get a ring or put money down for the wedding anytime soon. We had a huge argument as he’s currently car shopping but since being engaged the only time either the ring or wedding are spoken about is when I bring it up and then we argue again!
I’m feeling insecure at the moment yet my partner reassures me the ring and wedding will come but not yet! Am I being a spoilt brat? Do I have reason to be upset?
P.s. with regards to the ring I don’t care about how big the diamond is I just want to look down at something on that finger, I’m also looking to plan a village hall wedding due to our financial situation and the fact I want the same surname as my DS and because I love my partner!!

Thanks

And definitely follow tradition and give your DS his mother's name.

So same as father's only when parents are married.

You got pregnant instead of planning a wedding. That shpuld have rearranged your priorities. Surely if being married were important to you, you'd have formalised your relationship at the register office before the baby was born.

Is a proposal ring one of the super cheap ones bought with the intention of choosing one together after the moment? If so then you should be able to choose one together. Although I would be reassessing the situation - it seems like he doesn't want marriage. An engagement is pointless if it doesn't lead to marriage.

Why assume @flaminglingos

I’ve found a local pub that we love - nothing Disney about it.

flower there are very pragmatic reasons to marry if you're having children with someone, especially if you have mutually agreed that one of you will take a career break to raise the children.

You HAVE a ring. Focus on what’s important - the wedding. You need to walk down the aisle as soon as possible to have some kind of financial security.

"I don't understand why people (usually women) are so obsessed with getting married and I'm a woman. Just don't get it."

Unless the OP is financially independent she could be in a precarious position if her partner leaves her or dies. There are countless threads on MN about this. You don't get the same rights in a partnership that you do if you are married - inheritance tax, dividing assets etc.

Thing is though is marriage doesn’t give you that much security.

You can spend forever chasing someone who is self employed through the CMA and come out with nothing.

the fact I want the same surname as my DS

Then you could have:

1. Given him your name
2. Changed your name by deed poll (takes about 10 mins)

Ask your partner if he wants to take the next available registry office slot.

And definitely follow tradition and give your DS his mother's name.

Presumably Baby is already registered.......

I take it it’s too late to just exchange the “proposal ring”?

@kanieloutis
The proposal ring is a ring under 30 pounds and typically used as a placeholder as far as I’m aware
As I said the ring has actually scratched me so I haven’t worn it and would like one that I don’t feel scared to wear ! Regardless of £

@cookiemonster18
You still havent explained why your proposal ring isnt an engagement ring.

Sorry x post

"Thing is though is marriage doesn’t give you that much security."

True enough, but you'd have even less without it.

"You can spend forever chasing someone who is self employed through the CMA and come out with nothing"

The arse who CMA has difficulty pursuing wouid be the same, married or not.

Have you asked him to put the car stuff on hold until after the wedding? Do that!

Yes - but PP saying it gives you security are incorrect. It doesn’t.

Doesn't sound like he wants to get married to you or it would have happened by now. Sounds like he is far more interested in a new car than being married.

Is the ring your priority cookie ? Loads of people don't wear their engagement ring, just the wedding band. My sister's engagement ring cost over £7000 and she only wore it for a few weeks, it just wasn't practical and has been in a safe since! We spent our engagement ring money on a holiday in New Zealand - a much better use of the money.

You are ignoring the suggestions that you just book a registry office slot and get it done - why?

Have the discussion about a wedding, with a few dates. And if he isn’t a fan say you want to change baby’s name to match yours.

Of course it does MrsDylanBlue.
It’s not just about maintenance after the fact. It is also about division of assets at the time of the divorce.

My name was on the mortgage anyway so that made no difference.

You could have nipped to the registry office for a small amount if being married truly mattered. What you want is a wedding, the actual day which is very different and I can see why he's stalling. If you loved him and wanted to make those vows the ring, dress, pub etc wouldn't be needed.

If you aren't getting married, you aren't engaged. Engaged isn't a state on its own, you don't just get engaged. You decide to get married means you are engaged to be married.

My name was on the mortgage anyway so that made no difference

Oh the ignorance...