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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be suspicious of DH?

65 replies

Feathersofabird · 04/06/2018 22:43

Recently DH has started deleting his Facebook search history. He never used to.

Today I noted POF was one of the icons on Safaris homepage. Never seen that there before.

Also, the other night I asked to borrow his phone. He made an excuse. Never done that before.

AIBU to start suspecting something isn't quite right?

OP posts:
leighb23 · 04/06/2018 22:44

It would certainly set alarm bells ringing for me, but is your birthday soon or anniversary? Something nice? Sorry x

MrsDylanBlue · 04/06/2018 22:45

You don’t get anything nice from POF......

ivykaty44 · 04/06/2018 22:45

A dating site on safari

Why?

Lotsofsausage · 04/06/2018 22:46

PoF was on his safari home page ? Means he’s been looking at it. Sorry. Don’t let him know that you know yet or he’ll lie his way out of it.

EustaciaPieface · 04/06/2018 22:46

That would certainly worry me. Sorry.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 04/06/2018 22:46

If you suspect he's cheating or up to no good and he's acting suspicious by deleting internet history so you can't see what he's been doing then can't you just install one of those programs/apps that you would install for monitoring what sites kids are looking at...(it keeps track of what sites they look at and let's you see what they have been writing)..

Original poster
Feathersofabird · 04/06/2018 22:50

The pof icon was on the home page of iPads safari (which is linked to his phone). You know when you open safari, no websites are open but there are a few icons for websites lined up, it was one of them. Also delving a bit further into iPads safari website data, pof is showing up as recently visited although I'm not sure if that is specifically iPad or if it's pulling history from his phone too. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be stupid enough to do it on the iPad when I use it more than he does?

OP posts:
Frenchiemamax · 04/06/2018 22:52

If his phone is linked to iPad then the search history from his phone will appear on iPad and vice versa. I’d do a little bit of investigating if you can OP. Sorry this must be hard for you to hear x

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 04/06/2018 22:52

Try clicking on the pof icon, maybe he is logged in (meaning if he has a profile you might be able to view it and read any messages he is sending/receiving)

MrsDylanBlue · 04/06/2018 22:54

I would also check the messages on the iPad .

ivykaty44 · 04/06/2018 22:54

He’s looking at dating site...

Take a screen shot of iPad

But to be honest just ask him why he’s using dating sites and is there something you should know?

Then bluff it when he makes excuses- stare straight at him and ask why are you luring?

BettyBaggins · 04/06/2018 22:56

Try clicking on the pof icon

Yup, try that.

ThorsMistress · 04/06/2018 22:57

Hmm it would set alarm bells ringing with me.

Can you set up a pof account? And see if you can find him?

Poptart4 · 04/06/2018 23:03

There's no legitimate excuse as to why you can't use his phone. None.

This alone is enough to confirm he's up to no good in my eyes. The POF icon and deleting his search history is just icing on the cake. He's definitely cheating or thinking about it.

I'd throw him out/ or leave based on these things alone but some people need absolute proof before acting. If your one of these people say nothing to your dp. Collect your evidence and then confront him.

People can be very good liars. Even when caught red handed they can be so convincing with their lies he'll have you apologising for doubting him and have you thinking your crazy. Don't let him do this to you. Have all the proof you need so he cant bullshit his way out of it.

boilerhouse2007 · 04/06/2018 23:03

hire a pvt detective to follow him if you are that anxious.

highinthesky · 04/06/2018 23:06

hire a pvt detective to follow him if you are that anxious.

Or perhaps just ask him to explain? Same level of mistrust, but a more efficient way of dealing with the problem, and far less expensive.

boilerhouse2007 · 04/06/2018 23:07

''I'd throw him out/ or leave based on these things alone but some people need absolute proof before acting.''

Christ if you are that extreme have you anybody left in your life??

''People can be very good liars. Even when caught red handed they can be so convincing''

Or moreso that we as ppl are generally pretty useless at detecting them and sometimes we even accept the lies as they are less painful than the truth.

Snowysky20009 · 04/06/2018 23:14

OP I've looked at things like PoF plenty of times. Not because I'm looking someone, as I'm happy with dp, but out of Curiosity as so many friends are on there. So wanted to see what it was- I didn't make a profile just logged on to the site.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 04/06/2018 23:16

There's no legitimate excuse as to why you can't use his phone. None.

Totally disagree.
Imagine your husband demanding to check your phone - not on at all.
However, the PoF icon is damning, I'm afraid.

marjorie25 · 04/06/2018 23:16

Poptart4 : Why does she need to use his phone.
Folks if a man/woman is going to cheat there is nothing you can do to stop them. They are going to find some way to do it.
I never felt the need to use my DH's phone or check his Internet history.
I never understand why woman always feel the need to use their man's phone. Once they have the phone abuse their trust by looking through their contact lists etc.
It's disrespectful. I would be livid if my DH were to search through my Internet history or through my phone.

Wdigin2this · 04/06/2018 23:18

What's PoF?

imsoboredwithitall · 04/06/2018 23:18

Plenty of Fish

Dating site

endchauvinism · 04/06/2018 23:19

I would NOT let a man know if I thought he was cheating. He'll possibly just cover his tracks better. If he keeps leaving little trails of evidence behind him like this you'll have your answer soon enough.

GlitteryFluff · 04/06/2018 23:21

Don't ask him. He'll say no idea, then swiftly delete everything incriminating.
You need to investigate more, get all the info you need before talking to him otherwise he'll pull the wool over your eyes and believe it... until next time when something doesn't seem right.

If you snoop and don't uncover anything then maybe it's nothing. No harm done.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/06/2018 23:21

Or perhaps just ask him to explain? Same level of mistrust, but a more efficient way of dealing with the problem, and far less expensive.

Yes, because of course he will admit to any wrong doing as soon as he is asked. He wont simply cover his tracks better so the OP has no chance at all of keeping an eye on him via the ipad will he?

Every woman on MN who has been in this situation will tell you that the first, absolute first thing they do is deny everything, the second is to make sure that their personal communications are clean and 100% locked down. Then they will admit only what they know you know, and sometimes not even then despite having evidence. Mine initially tried to deny despite me holding in my hand a printed off copy of his FB messenger convo's with OW Hmm

Frankly paying for information, is quicker and more likely to actually get to the bottom of what he is doing.

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