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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect to come home after a week away to a clean house?!

83 replies

Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 08:47

I've been away for 9 days with my 2 kids visiting family (they live over 100 miles away so don't see them that often).

My DP came and picked us up yesterday and we got back pretty late. Pretty much got takeaway, put DD to bed then DP went to bed while I struggled till 1:30am to get my DD to sleep after his bottle.

So I've woke up this morning and the kitchen is a right state!!! I'm absolutely fuming!! There's a full side of washing up to do. He's literally just washed the plates that he's needed to eat off.

So I've had to do the washing up first thing just so the kids have bowls for their breakfast!!

Then I've gone into the cupboard to get the cereal and it was disgusting!!!!! Mouldy peppers and apples in there that he's not bothered to throw in the bin!!!!!

Not to mention the bathroom hasn't been cleaned, he's not pulled the sofa out to hoover behind and underneath! And there's no shopping been done so fuck all in to eat!!!

I'm beyond furious!!!!!

Surely I'm not being unreasonable to expect the house tidy and clean to come back to when he's been here all week. Fair enough he works but only 8-3 Monday-Thursday and 8-12 Friday (sometimes 12 finishes as well if it's dead). And I've had both the kids with me!!!

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 04/06/2018 10:03

the dishes were not from last night. They were there from the morning before I left

What, nine days ago?!? That's minging. And I speak as someone who is really NOT a houseproud sort.

HeebieJeebies456 · 04/06/2018 10:05

so you got home last night, ordered a takeaway etc - but you never looked/went into the kitchen? Hmm

i'd have bollocked him last night and taken advantage of other options and left the cleaning for him to do today.
nothing will change if all you do is moan but then do it yourself anyway - i bet you'll even be cooking dinner for him as well?

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/06/2018 10:05

Back along, I was admitted to hospital as an emergency following a miscarriage, leaving my (now)XH in the house with two toddlers.

He immediately called his mum round to 'help him'. When I got out of hospital the next day, we arrived home to find the dishes from the dinner that I'd cooked and served before my admission still on the fucking table! Neither of them had even thought to wash them up or tidy or hoover, because it took two adults to mind the toddlers that I minded (and did the housework round) for ONE DAY!

I was not happy. For many reasons, but that was just one.

Fatted · 04/06/2018 10:06

This would drive me mad. I lose my shit if I get in from work at night and the house isn't tidy. I make sure the house is nice and clean for when DH gets home from work in the evening. I expect the same courtesy from him.

Personally, I wouldn't have done anything. Left the dishes for DP to do when he gets home this evening and taken the kids for a maccies breakfast. But that's just me!

(Should add I've never actually given my kids a maccies breakfast!)

echt · 04/06/2018 10:07

YANBU. Only once was I away for a week, when my DM died and I went back to the UK. When I came back the house was spotless, and my late DH said he had never realised just how backbreakingly shite cleaning was. :o

< He did all food shopping/cooking/holidays/ finances all the time, in his defence>

endofagain · 04/06/2018 10:08

I am so thankful that my husband is a normal, nice person.
I have been seriously ill and am now chronically ill and disabled. He does everything and looks after me.
Please don't put up with these lazy, selfish men.
None of us know what the future holds and we need to be choosing partners with that in mind.
Of course anyone can make a mistake, but far too many women put up with this behaviour.

Rhiannon13 · 04/06/2018 10:11

Dirty pig! I work those hours AND keep the house clean on my own.

Presumably it's some kind of strop because you went away without him?

Rhiannon13 · 04/06/2018 10:13

God I thought you'd said he works full time! I work 10 hours per day but can still get the fucking washing up done.

Eatmycheese · 04/06/2018 10:15

Clearly doesn’t see it as his job

Cheeky fucker.
Totally disgusting
Totally disrespectful
Totally inexcusable

Unless the individual in question was a student, I’d be concerned for their mental health if they left dishes unwashed in a kitchen for nine days.

Rhiannon13 · 04/06/2018 10:18

This reminds me of the 'dirty protest' my cat treats me to every time I go away. Thank you for reminding me why I don't need a husband!

Original poster
Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 10:24

Heebie Yes. We got home at 7:30 as traffic was bad due to a accident so literally unpacked the car, ordered food. Fed kids and then put DD to bed. Needed to go into kitchen to make DS a bedtime bottle but DP offered to do that. I fed DS and then he wouldn't settle, battled with him till 1:30am till he fell asleep. Put him to bed and I followed.

I'm going to take the kids out for the day and get dinner out. He can sort the rest of the washing up when he gets home.

Also no clean towels for the kids baths tonight so towels need washing Envy

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 10:27

Put towels in with some of your stuff from holiday bit literally enough for you and the kids.

Original poster
Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 10:32

Sleeping I've not got any washing to do lol. While away we stayed at my mums house so she did all our washing for us Smile I'm going to wash some towels but that's it. The rest is up to him.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 04/06/2018 10:34

Your DH is a selfish pig, OP. He obviously thinks cleaning is your job, even if you're not there.

You need to sit him down and tell him he needs to do his share without having to be told what needs to be done. You're not his mother.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 10:35

Do not let him have one of your clean ones Grin

MumofBoysx2 · 04/06/2018 10:38

I'd be annoyed but I think I would hide it on this occasion as he obviously was OK with you going away for 9 days. If it had been while you at work and he was home that would have been worth a word!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 10:43

I would hide it on this occasion
So you'd clean up after the man child so as not to upset him?? I'm always amazed how other people's relationships work

ohtheholidays · 04/06/2018 10:43

I'd bag up all of the washing up and put it on his side of the bed the lazy Bastard!!

Sod clearing up,you and your DC did not make any of the mess and he's had a child free week the lazy shit,take your DC out to eat and have a lovely day together,I'd also buy new towels,tell him you'll never do fuck all for him again until he wakes the fuck up says sorry and cleans up all of the shit he's left!

I'd also take pictures of what you and your DC have come home to and tell him wouldn't be a shame if your friends/family had to see it all over social media but then I can be a real bitch when I need to be.

Time40 · 04/06/2018 10:45

He just doesn't seem to think it's a big deal saying he'll sort it later knowing full well it'll all be done because I can't stand it!

That's the mistake, right there. Never do things that other people should have done because you can't stand it.

veggiethrower · 04/06/2018 10:53

I'd be annoyed too.
He needs to clean all of the mess up and it needs to be done today.
Do not do it yourself otherwise he will think it is ok to leave a mess like that the next time you go away.
He had no children with him and he wasn't working excessive hours so he has no excuse.
Make a list of what he has to do and he can start on it as soon as he comes in from work.

And the next time you go away make a list of what you expect him to clean/do while you away.

Savingbuttons · 04/06/2018 10:55

This would annoy me, especially as he had no dc at home. My DH is a bit like this and almost acts as if it is my fault for not reminding him to do it!

Original poster
Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 10:56

Sleeping I'll leave one of the ones on the bathroom floor for him Smile

Mumofboys Why shouldn't he be okay with me going to see my mum and siblings?? He gets to see his family whenever he wants, I'm lucky if I get to see mine once a month. I've gone 4/5 months before without seeing them.

Ohtheholidays I'm going to, nice afternoon at the play centre I think! He rang on his break and I've told him we're heading out and the dishes etc are to do done for when I get back! Haha now that threat would work! He'd be killed off his mum if I told her.

Time40 Yeah I know I shouldn't, normally I would because I need the stuff for me and the kids etc. Not this time tho! We're off out for the day so he can sort it when he gets in before we're home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 10:57

Savingbuttons I hate that! We're not their parents so why should they need reminding 24/7 to wash their dishes! I don't understand why it's so hard.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 04/06/2018 10:58

So you went away and left dirty dishes and are complaining that he didn't wash them. If you'd left the kitchen immaculate and found it in a state I'd sympathise. The sofa's neither here nor there, it could be done any time.

BrutusMcDogface · 04/06/2018 11:07

Wtf! Why shouldn't he be "ok" with his wife and kids going away for 9 days?! To visit far away family?! Give the man a medal Hmm

Op- yanbu. What a selfish, lazy, inconsiderate arsehole. You need to use this example to set the bar higher for the future. I would be fuming, too!

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