AIBU to expect to come home after a week away to a clean house?!

[Letmesuckyourblood]

I've been away for 9 days with my 2 kids visiting family (they live over 100 miles away so don't see them that often).

My DP came and picked us up yesterday and we got back pretty late. Pretty much got takeaway, put DD to bed then DP went to bed while I struggled till 1:30am to get my DD to sleep after his bottle.

So I've woke up this morning and the kitchen is a right state!!! I'm absolutely fuming!! There's a full side of washing up to do. He's literally just washed the plates that he's needed to eat off.

So I've had to do the washing up first thing just so the kids have bowls for their breakfast!!

Then I've gone into the cupboard to get the cereal and it was disgusting!!!!! Mouldy peppers and apples in there that he's not bothered to throw in the bin!!!!!

Not to mention the bathroom hasn't been cleaned, he's not pulled the sofa out to hoover behind and underneath! And there's no shopping been done so fuck all in to eat!!!

I'm beyond furious!!!!!

Surely I'm not being unreasonable to expect the house tidy and clean to come back to when he's been here all week. Fair enough he works but only 8-3 Monday-Thursday and 8-12 Friday (sometimes 12 finishes as well if it's dead). And I've had both the kids with me!!!

Yanbu
He's a lazy arse.
Does he usually do anything round the house? If not then you shouldn't be surprised.

OP had particularly asked him to do the sofa for her as the kids were away and it's easier if the kids are not there when the job is done. So she is not making an unreasonable fuss about it. He said he'd do it and then he couldn't be bothered.
Some of the washing up was a week old. He's basically not lifted a finger to clear up after himself for an entire week, and more importantly had not shopped so they'd have something to eat when they got back and particularly for the kids' breakfast before school.
That is not parenting or thinking of anyone else but himself.

Tambien He does yeah but only when I get on his case about it. He's not even moved his cups and crisps/chocolate wrappers from his side of the bed when he's come down this morning.

I do most of the cleaning/cooking/kids stuff myself and then he makes jokes about me sitting on my arse watching tv all day 😡

YANBU. Dh goes off on a bloke’s trip once a year leaving me in charge of dds and working. I still always keep the house clean, washing done and fridge stocked up while he’s away; it’s no excuse to sit around like a lazy arse just because he’s away enjoying himself. Similarly when I go away I expect the house to be kept clean, food in and washing to be kept on top of too.

Greyhound because I asked if he'd done it and he said he hadn't.

Grandad It's ridiculous isn't it!!

Ahhh I missed that you'd specifically asked him to do the sofa, if that was the only thing I could imagine he might have just forgotten but there's no way he forgot about the mound of washing up, he clearly just can't be arsed and thinks you'll do it when you get home. I'd be tempted to leave it for him to do today as a matter of principle.

Im pretty awful domestically. I get great glee in living like a teenager when dh is away. BUT: i wash it all up and have a clean before he gets back.

This really annoys me too. If I am away for a day or two ( almost never) I do not want to come home to still doing all the chores that I would have done had I been there.

Duckbilled Thank you! He just doesn't seem to think it's a big deal saying he'll sort it later knowing full well it'll all be done because I can't stand it!

So don’t do it. He knows you’ll do it.

Is he punishing you for going ?

I think you’re being unreasonable about hi Cassandra not pulling sofa out....I defo don’t do that weekly.

Everything else though, he has been naughty.
I came back this Sunday from a week away. I took youngest (13) with me, leaving Dad (16) and DH to look after pets and house.

Did tried hard to keep it all nice but didn’t hoover other than on the first day so dog hair tumbling around the kitchen floor and no washing been done. DH had literally done nothing other than come back from work and sit in front of tv.

Ho hum, I’ve sorted most of it now. Just cracking on and not moaning or an arguement will follow.

Just cracking on and not moaning or an arguement will follow
So you're tidying up your partners mess because if you raise that he should be able to do it himself there will be an argument? Well that sounds like a healthy respectful relationship...

Have you spoken to him, OP?

I wouldn't have done the dishes or any cleaning and left it to him.

It sounds like he thinks it's all your job. He needs a serious ultimatum, unless you are just going to let off steam here and go back to status quo.

Verbena I don't pull the sofa out weekly. It's not been done for over a month. My DD throws all sorts behind there so it's desperate to be done and it's the 1 thing I asked him to do.

All I can say is you can look forward to a lifetime of this bullshit if you stay with him. He will never change.

Dh will have the 3 year old for a long weekend and a short week next month. When I come back the house will be tidy, the basics will be clean, the 3 yr old will have been washed and fed and played with. The washing will be done. And yes he'll be of work for those days but the 3 year old had additional needs so there's extra faff around feeds etc, making sure we get his medical stuff delivered etc.
Yadnbu to be pissed off he can't wash plates and dishes for one, throw out some obviously mouldy food, keep the bathroom clean, make sure there's some basic food to feed his own kids and do the one extra job he agreed to do.

What would happen if op left him and he had the kids to cope with on his own as well as a house to run?

"DH had literally done nothing other than come back from work and sit in front of tv.

Ho hum, I’ve sorted most of it now. Just cracking on and not moaning or an arguement will follow."

Yes, that's the best way to deal with pathetic man-children - just clean up their shit after them and be a martyr.

FFS

Lacu I've text him saying I'm pissed. I've told him he needs to clean the bathroom and sort his clothes out that are just lying around the floor when he gets in from work. The dishes I'll have to do as I need them for making me and the kids dinner.

Sleeping I don't think he's punishing me no. I just think he couldn't be bothered. He's spent a lot of time in the garden sunbathing.

So he will be making his own food, washing his own clothes and generally doing everything for himself until he's made it up to you?

Sleeping I don't think he's punishing me no. I just think he couldn't be bothered
Well a lazy arse is better than a controlling arse at least.

I'd def be on strike. I assume you're SAHM from the sitting on your bum comments. I'd def be doing more of that and would have been tempted to take the kids out for tea so he could wash up

What would happen if op left him and he had the kids to cope with on his own as well as a house to run?

He'd cry. He'd spend the time at his mums and text me stressing out.

YANBU, I would be really unhappy with this - its disrespectful and lazy!

OhDear He sure as hell will!

Sleeping Yeah I'm a SAHM. He comes in from work to a clean house, tea made for him and the kids sorted. So it's not like I ask a lot from him!!

I'd be livid, I went away with my kids for a long weekend husband couldn't come as he didn't book the time off as he forgot !, He did nothing at all either are take out for the whole time didn't wash any dishes or clothes whole house was just a pit from where he just left wrappers etc as I wasn't there to remind him about doing stuff, I absolutely lost the plot about it the thing that made me most angry was the lack of care for the animals we have poor tortoise didn't have his light on or bathed and rabbits were just fed but not actually cared for ! I don't think he'll make that mistake again in a hurry !!