To wonder why I had a baby??

[MissBax]

We really struggled to conceive, were awaiting ivf when we finally got pregnant. It was all I'd wished for for 3 desperate years.

Now I feel like I'm at breaking point. I've not slept for more than 2/3 consecutive hours for a year. The constant mess, the groundhog day and sheer repetitiveness of it.
My DD is wonderful, she brings me so much joy and is very easy during the day. But the nights are awful. She has woken every 30 mins since 7pm. I can't settle her, I feel useless.
I always imagined myself having more than one child but this is enough to put me off ever trying for more. Its torture.
How do other people.manage?! Why on
Earth would you have more than one?? I feel like I could just lock myself away for ever right now

I think some people get ones that sleep. It's the only answer. That and maybe they have family help. I love my DC but the sleep deprivation is an absolute killer and I genuinely couldn't cope with second one even though it breaks my heart.

Would you consider sleep training? I know it goes against your instincts and I’m really not a big fan. But when you have an older baby waking so often either it’s habit or they are in pain. Assuming you would know if she was in pain, I’d go with habit.

A friend had this and sleeptrained her almost toddler. She claims it transformed her life.

Sending some sleepy vibes to your baby!

I cosleep. Baby has slept through since 2 weeks old. Some sleep some dont.

I'm sorry I'm afraid I have no advice for you regarding the sleeping but I just wanted to say this.
Everyone has the right to find being a parent hard! your past difficulties conceiving do not mean that you have no right to feel like you're struggling and they do not mean that you are being ungrateful. I promise you

I feel your pain. Some people get easy babies. My difficult baby was a joy as a toddler and continues to be a very easy child. My easy baby is a nightmare. I know when you are in it time feels like it passes so slowly but it will pass. I didn’t want another but I did and am so glad I did.

Honestly, based on my experience and seeing friends and family, I think you either get a sleeper or you don't. There's only so much you can do about it

It's so hard when you keep being jerked awake, and although it really won't be forever, that's no use when you feel like you can't do another hour of it. Just keep telling yourself it's NOT your failure to settle her in any way and you are the very opposite of useless

My eldest was 9 months old before she slept a full night. I went back to work when she was 5 months old and I looked and felt like a walking corpse. I remember the genuine fear of never getting more than an hour or two of sleep for the rest of my life. She started to sleep when she stopped breastfeeding.
It will get better for you, it is just a long and tiring road until it does.
Stay strong

I may get shouted down for recommending this, but a friend had issues with her DD who would not sleep though the night for years. Nothing worked until she went to the doctor and was prescribed melatonin which she said really helped. Not sure if you can get it over the counter it just on prescription.

Because when they do start sleeping you forget! Honestly the sleep deprivation and uncertainty is such a killer, but it doesn’t stay that way forever. My DS was a terrible sleeper until about 18months but it did suddenly get better (and now I’m having #2).
I’m sure you have thought about sleep training but there’s lots of gentle approaches which can help make things easier if you wanted to go down that route.
I hope things get better soon for you, and that you have friends and family round who can help you have a break xx

I also sleep trained my difficult baby at about 9 months as I was at the end of my tether and within a few days she was a different child. She never slept more than 20 minutes and suddenly was napping for 2 - 3 hours and sleeping through the night. She seemed much happier in herself too as she was finally getting the sleep she needed.

I feel your pain. My first child was waking ten times a night at a YEAR old and only feeding to sleep. I was in a right mess. I did pay for advice from a sleep trainer, it was quite gentle - basically going in and settling them every 2 mins so they never feel alone - and it did work for a few months until we next went on holiday or travelled and it would just go back to waking. It never got as bad as ten times a night again. Child number 2 was better but nowhere near a good sleeper. They are now almost 6 and 3 and a half and still both want me to cuddle them to sleep. I spend most of the night in bed with the three year old. I would like to sleep train gently again but I don’t have the energy and I’ve also now got dependent on them in a way too. I find it hard to relax. But all this is better than ten times a night so I’m not too bad with it! Get a sleep trainer’s advice, it does work if you stick to it.

Sleep training or co- sleeping.

Hi op it’s torture it really is.

Ds 1 was like this so I very sceptically decided to do sleep training when he was 15 months and I was 8 months pregnant with ds2.. took 2 nights and then he went 7pm to 7 am from then on.

It was quite simply a life changing experience. We had 6 kids and had to do this with 3 and 5..

Honestly google it and do it. You need your sleep more than your child especially if you are driving during the day.

Don’t be a mummy martyr. Decide to do it and stick to it.

Sleep training is gentle! I think people get confused and see it as just letting turn cry it out. It isn’t

It is torture if they don't sleep. One of mine be woke around 10 times a night till she was 6. We tried everything. The pp above saying there's didn't sleep through till 9 months?! 9 months is amazing!!! My little boy didn't sleep through till 4 and my youngest slept through first time March 9th aged 2 and 3 months. It is a killer.
Try everything. And yes I've had a couple of fantastic sleepers.
I remember with the one who was 6, sobbing to my gp as I died don't know how I'd cope with her and the younger 1 and a newborn. He prescribed phenergan (she was about 3.5years) unfortunately the night I was brave enough to try it she came down with tonsillitis andca temp of 40 and was delirious and I thought it was my fault! So I just decided to ride it out.
Don't beat yourself up, it's really hard and there's no magic answer but try anything so you feel like you are doing something about it.

*didnt not died!!!

Things will seem different when you are not sleep-deprived. Now you need to work out how you can fix that bit.

What other people have said. It does pass.

Also, it's very common to come down to earth with a bump when it's a long awaited baby and reality hits - you are not alone in this.

Also, some may say that the baby stage is overrated. It's much more fun when they can talk.

Babies are nobheads. It's gets better. Not easier, but better, I think.

She is waking every 30 minutes? I would be worried that there is something upsetting her.

Sleep train. Lots of different methods out there. At a year, she's more than old enough.

Have you tried co sleeping?

@humdiddlydoo I second that (made me laugh!)

@MissBax It does get easier! Have you tried white noise? It's bloody fantastic for settling DS! You can get apps that turn it on when baby stirs!

I'm lucky I've had two good sleepers once they actually settle down to sleep, the little robots but I've been amazed how quickly DS settles with the white noise app! Good luck there's nothing worse than sleep deprivation

She is waking every 30 minutes? I would be worried that there is something upsetting her.

My DD used to do this, I never found out why. She drove me around the bend until around 10 months when she finally slept through for the first time. I felt like I was going insane up until then.

@MissBax I am sorry to hear this.

My dd was not a good sleeper and she co-slept. If you choose to co-sleep look it all up on the NCT website or elsewhere to ensure it is all safe.

I think in your shoes I would see the GP because not being able to sleep for longer than a few hours doesn't seem to be normal at one year old. It might be something like digestive problems, teething problems, i don't know but I am assuming you asked for help in the early days, didn't get anywhere and have not been back top GP since? I'm only assuming this because if you were talking to the GP or health visitor you may have mentioned it.

I;m also wondering if maybe you have a touch of baby blues or post natal depression brought on by sleep deprivation, and I would investigate this.

Although I was not a big fan of baby training etc I think in your shoes I would try it, I'd read up a bit, get advice.

Really black out the windows in the bedroom and reassure your dc you are there but won't be picking them up etc after bed time.

re "The constant mess" can your dp/dh help with this if you are doing all the night time duties, could you afford some help in just occasionally.

"...the groundhog day and sheer repetitiveness of it." Do you have any plans to return to work full or part-time?

I know some people don't want to, but I think for some people being at home all the time is just very hard.

You sound at the end of your tether and I am so sorry because it can be so hard.

Please do speak to your health visitor or GP and keep talking to them until you get some help.

Plus maybe try this book, it may hlp. www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Through/dp/0071381392/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+no+cry+sleep+solution&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1528070275&sr=8-1