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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague kissed me

100 replies

Shwap · 03/06/2018 19:05

I have a dh with a baby and the colleague has a girlfriend with no kids. I have strictly a professional relationship with all my colleagues and I’m friends with a few of the female colleagues and go out for drinks now and then but that’s really it.

On wednesday last week night me and the male colleague had to work late (I had amends to do and he had to finish off an email) nobody else was there apart from a few other people in the next block I think. He came over to me almost out of the blue from his desk to show me some articles he had read and joking about it, I just laughed and then he took a chair and sat next to me which I thought was quite weird (I was still trying to finish off the amends) he then said how beautiful he thought I was which I was started to get really uncomfortable and thought he was possibly drunk. Then he kissed me and I immediately pushed him off of me saying asked him what he was doing. I was in utter shock as we rarely ever speak and I have never thought of him as anything more than just a “guy from work” and I thought he thought the same of me but I was quite obviously wrong.

I got my bags within a flash and left and the next few days at work he has downright avoided me at all costs which led me to think that he was probably drunk and regrets what he did, rightfully so.

Would I be unreasonable to bring it up to our boss or just leave it as a drunken mistake?

OP posts:
StayingAtTamaras · 03/06/2018 19:07

He shouldn't really be drunk at work, should he?

Butterflykissess · 03/06/2018 19:07

He hasn't done anything since so I would leave it.

NSEA · 03/06/2018 19:08

Deunk at work? I doubt it. Trying it on. Definitely. Ignore him and if I were you I would tell your dh it happened. Also tell hr for future reference.

anyoldname76 · 03/06/2018 19:09

i would bring it up with your boss, that would really put me on edge, especially as you were alone in the building with him, and even if you thought he was drunk its no excuse . i also dont think your employer would be happy if he was drunk at work

ofclocksandkings · 03/06/2018 19:10

That's sexual harassment and unacceptable behaviour. You should report it to your boss. I'm sorry that this happened.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/06/2018 19:10

He tried his luck, he was wrong. Even if drunk, and you don't know he was, that was incredibly innaprropriate of him.

If you have even the slightest inkling he may do it again, try to use it against you, then yes, tell your boss. But really you don't need a reason, he acted inappriately, there is no excuse for what he did. That is sexual harrassent in the work place. You have every right to report him to your boos, HR, your union, talk to ACAS and anyone else you can think of.

Whatever you choose to do is fine, your choice. You don't have to feel guilty or responsible for his actions.

MissConductUS · 03/06/2018 19:10

Report it. He shouldn't be kissing anyone at work, drunk or sober. How strong is your suspicion that he had been drinking?

If he's in the habit of doing this no one will know if you don't report it.

ImNotMeImSomeoneElse · 03/06/2018 19:10

Is your choice. He was absolutely in the wrong.

Personally I would leave it for now, and complain should anything happen again, but you would not be unreasonable to raise it with your boss now either.

MaisyPops · 03/06/2018 19:12

If it's a one off then it seems he has made a move and you've rebuffed him. That should be the end of it.

If it gives you peace of mind to raise it then do just in case he tries it again.

anyoldname76 · 03/06/2018 19:12

Also what if hes tried it on with other staff that havent got the confidence to stand up to him and push him away. just because he hasnt tried anything since with you, doesnt mean he wont with other staff

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2018 19:13

I would mention it to your boss, just in case there are any future issues or there is a pattern of behaviour you don't know about. This was a pretty big error of judgment on his part. Even if you'd been interested and available, it wouldn't have been appropriate.

Tumilnaughts · 03/06/2018 19:14

I would absolutely report it. One off or not people should not get away with this sort of behaviour. Ever.

TERFragetteCity · 03/06/2018 19:14

People like this will often get a complaint in about you if they can so get yours in first. This is sexual harassment and is not acceptable.

LanguidLobster · 03/06/2018 19:17

Yuck, he sounds sleazy

Bobbybear10 · 03/06/2018 19:26

Do the people you work with normally show up drunk? Just it’s rather a cavalier way you are assuming he was drunk at work!

In most normal work places being drunk is obviously a really bad thing to do and would at least warrant a stern talking to and official warning, add on the fact he then sexually harassed a college.....yeah I would say he was being unreasonable Hmm

TooTrueToBeGood · 03/06/2018 19:28

Women don't go to work to get lunged at. Report it. Even if he leaves you alone in future, what about other females? Men like him will continue to pester their female colleagues until everyone stands up and takes a zero tolerance stance.

eddielizzard · 03/06/2018 19:31

why would you think he was drunk? regardless, i think i would informally tell my boss. if that is even possible. but he's made your work situation very difficult now and he was totally inappropriate. you shouldn't be worried about working late, or arbitrary colleagues trying to kiss you.

Maelstrop · 03/06/2018 19:31

Drunk at work? What job do you do, OP, I want in!

caringcarer · 03/06/2018 19:36

I really think you need to report this and tell your dh. HR should take it seriously and give him warning. He may have done this before or try it on with another less confident woman. He could also feel embarrassed working with you now and try to get you into trouble with your boss. He sounds really sleazy and underhand as he knew you were married.

JohnHunter · 03/06/2018 19:38

You probably aren't the only person that has run into trouble with this colleague. It has to be your choice but talking to HR is probably the best way of stopping this from happening to anyone else.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 03/06/2018 19:38

What did your DH say?

KickAssAngel · 03/06/2018 19:40

"Making a move" is incredibly inappropriate, and would be more along the lines of asking OP if she wanted to go for a drink when they finished their work.

Lunging in for a kiss when OP is trying to work is sexual assault. If it's completely out of the blue, he quite possibly does this to other females. Finds that one of them has to work late, alone, so he has an email to finish and sees if he can get his hands on them.

OP - your choice whether to report it or not. Highly unlikely that he was drunk if he'd been in the office all day. Far more likely that he's an opportunistic philanderer who will try it on with anybody.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 03/06/2018 19:41

This is sexual harrassment and totally unacceptable. I'm so sorry! Definitely tell your boss Flowers

SexyManatee · 03/06/2018 19:43

Drunk at work isn't usual in my industry. Long client lunches are frequent and the free in-house bar opens each day at half 4.

Definitely report it OP. Drunk isn't an excuse.

kaytee87 · 03/06/2018 19:44

Report it, he's a creep.

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