Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding abroad - AIBU?

98 replies

Slipp3rs · 03/06/2018 18:21

DH’s sister is getting married on a Greek island. It’s £850.00 per person for bed and breakfast.

AIBU not to go. We are a family of 6 all under 6 years and we’ve got a newborn.

We’ve said we can’t afford it and don’t want to take a newborn abroad.

Also the hotel is a wedding hotel and not child friendly at all.

We’ve worked out paying for 5 (newborn is free) works out at £4250. Plus approx £150-200 a day for drinks, lunch and dinner. Approx £1050 - £1400.

Plus airport parking - £70
Food and drink at airports - £30
Insurance - £30

Total Approx - £5430 - £5780 depending on food and drinks bought.

For my DH to go on his own is around £1000 for flights, accommodation and parking etc flying the day before, being there for the wedding day and then flying home the following morning. Leaving me at home with a 6,4,1 and 8 week old.

OP posts:
Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 03/06/2018 21:50

To be fair, the costs are a drop in the ocean compared to what six children cost a year
MN logic at its best Grin

Semster · 03/06/2018 21:54

I got married abroad and absolutely did NOT expect my siblings to bankrupt themselves or leave their other halves coping with children alone in order to come.

Knittedfairies · 03/06/2018 22:02

You are not at all unreasonable not to want to go, and I think getting into debt so just your husband could go is daft. It may be his sister but non-attendance of key family members is always a risk with expensive destination weddings. That trip would cost in the region of £6k, so the ‘drop in the ocean’ comment is wierd....

CoughLaughFart · 03/06/2018 22:03

Your sister-in-law is a grown woman and mist have known this was a possibility when she and her fiancé chose to marry abroad. Wish her well, but don’t bankrupt yourselves.

Semster · 03/06/2018 22:06

To be fair, the costs are a drop in the ocean compared to what six children cost a year.

She doesn't have six kids does she?

o0o0o · 03/06/2018 22:06

Ha my cousin got married in very similar circumstances with similar costs and we were invited.... just to the evening reception GrinGrin can you believe it! All the way to Greece at thousands of £ just for an evening reception?!?! She then had the gall to not speak to me for months because we declined her invite Hmm

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 03/06/2018 22:06

The trip for him alone wouldn't be £6k and presumably the DH works so OP will be left alone with all the children daily.

Fruitcorner123 · 03/06/2018 22:07

I am one of the ones who think your DH should go if you can put it on credit card. CI can't imagine not going to my own siblings wedding no matter what inconvenience was caused. I sympathise with the fact you will be left with all the children and it won't be easy but you did choose to have that many young children and you must have known there would be times when you would have to manage on your own. It's only for two nights.

Moleskinediary · 03/06/2018 22:10

Is you DH staying on a Saturday night? That usually makes flights cheaper.

Halebeke425 · 03/06/2018 22:15

Seriously, don't worry about it. You can't afford to go, so don't. They'll just have to accept it. Getting yourselves into debt to attend a wedding is a completely ridiculous suggestion and just goes to show how completely mental everyone has gone over the whole wedding industry. If they really wanted him there that much, they a) wouldn't arrange it in a different country b) would arrange it with plenty of notice (like over a year) so he could of saved up or c) offered to pay some or all of the costs

yorkshireyummymummy · 03/06/2018 22:25

You have said that even for DH to go you would have to put this on a credit card - don’t go into debt to go to somebody else’s wedding!!
No you are NOT being unreasonable not going and your DH should not be thinking of leaving you with 4 kids inc a new born.

Madly enough, it would be cheaper for you to hire a venue, a DJ and put on a basic buffet for a wedding party when they come back than to send your DH for three days - that’s the reality of this. Village hall, £100,DJ £200, Food £500, champagne for toast £100 - that will give you 60 glasses. And you would still be £100 better off - how mad is that!
People who get married abroad have to be prepared to get married alone as it’s really cheeky to expect people to pay thousands to attend your wedding.
My niece got married last year - and paid for all close relatives and friends to be accommodated for two nights in the beautiful castle they had their reception at. Flights were cheapish , we stayed for a week and booked an Airbnb for the extra days. But they felt that as they wanted us there, they would pay for our accommodation and food for the duration of the wedding. Fair do’s.

I would never ever recommend anybody getting into debt to attend a wedding - you have much more important things to spend your money on . If anybody in the family is ‘ off ‘ with you tell them you thought you had been invited - not summonsed.

yorkshireyummymummy · 03/06/2018 22:27

fruitcorner - are you really advising somebody with 4 young children under 6 to go into debt so one person can attend a wedding for two days??? I despair I really do.

Clionba · 03/06/2018 22:33

As others have advised, don't go. Don't even think about getting into debt! People that have destination weddings surely understand the costs involved.

RedForFilth · 03/06/2018 22:41

How far away (in terms of months) is the wedding? I'd try so hard to save for it if I was your husband tbh. You should only ever have as many kids as you can cope with alone imo.

Original poster
Slipp3rs · 03/06/2018 22:43

RedForFilth - Please can you show me where I have said I don’t want to be left on my own with the children or that I can’t cope?

OP posts:
PartyAnxiety · 03/06/2018 22:46

Sorry I missed the bit about getting into debt for even DH to go. I don't think it's sensible when he has four kids one of whom is newborn! Would anyone in the family be willing to help contribute towards the cost? If not I think it's fair for him to decline too. (Obviously there's just no question of you all going).

Whatshallidonowpeople · 03/06/2018 22:47

Go and stay somewhere nearby, cheaper. Why do some people make such a drama out of everything?

NorthernLurker · 03/06/2018 22:48

You need to be blunt with the family. The cost is absurd for all of you, prohibitive even for dh and even if money wasn't an issue, your baby will be too young. If family want to pay for dh and perhaps your older two then that could work but your family is not going in to debt for this and you and your babies are not going.

Fruitcorner123 · 03/06/2018 22:50

yorkshireyummymummy yes because it's his sister. It really.does depend on the financial circumstances and how quickly the debt could be paid off. for some people this would be paid off in a couple of months for others it would take years. I wouldn't miss my sister's wedding but if finances were really tight I would feel able to speak to her about it and be open and honest (although I have to say my sister wouldn't have a wedding abroad a few weeks after my baby was born)

I suppose it comes down to how close a family they are and we are all projecting our own experiences. I wouldn't miss my sister's wedding though.

Fruitcorner123 · 03/06/2018 22:51

but yes i agree the OP and her children should definitely not go. That is a no brainer.

Hellywelly10 · 03/06/2018 22:56

If its next year your husband could get cheap flights and stay for a few days. As others said there is cheaper accomidation. Ive been to entire weddings that cost less than £6000.

C0untDucku1a · 03/06/2018 22:56

I think your dh should go.

Greggers2017 · 03/06/2018 22:57

Where on Earth in Greece is it for a flight to cost £500?

OP I wouldn't get into debt for a wedding. When my sister got married we broadcast on Facebook live so family who couldn't make it could still watch. Could this be suggested do you think?

BigPinkBall · 03/06/2018 23:02

I wouldn’t go and if I was your DH I wouldn’t spend £1,000 to go for 2 days either. They know you’ve got 4 children and presumably they know you’re not loaded, so if they wanted you there they would have got married in a registry office here and had their honeymoon abroad.

On a separate note I’m sick and tired of people having weddings that hugely inconvenience their guests, I think most people would happily give up 2 days and maybe £200 - £300 to attend a wedding of close family or friends but any more is thoughtless in my opinion.

Fruitcorner123 · 03/06/2018 23:02

For my DH to go on his own is around £1000 for flights, accommodation and parking etc flying the day before, being there for the wedding day and then flying home the following morning. Leaving me at home with a 6,4,1 and 8 week old

Is there honestly no way of getting this cost down? could he sleep on floor of his parents hotel room? Could someone drive him to the airport? Are the flights you've looked at really the cheapest you can find? How much notice have you had to organise this?