Is this stealing?

[MrBrainsFaggots]

Husband of a friend opened bank accounts as each child (3) arrived. All kids under 8.

Grandparents have put in £100 each birthday / Christmas (very generous, three sets of grandparents) and one gave a substantial sum (in the £hundreds) on birth of each child.

Turns out bank accounts are empty. Husband doesn't see that this is a problem - "bills needed paying." Friend livid and seeking advice from solicitor.

WIBU? Would this spell divorce for you? Is this stealing? How much is too much?

How were the accounts held? In children's own name; with DH as trustee or with GPs as trustee?

I would and have divorced over this issue (and more)
It’s despicable.
I’m sorry your friend has to deal with this.

Bang out of order, I’d be furious and would probably LTB over it. He must have told a pack of lies too?!

Yes, it is stealing to me. It should all be paid back, with interest. You are talking about thousands of pounds here.

Bill's do need to be paid, but out of the parent's income, not the children's savings. Such a low life, shitty thing to do to your own children.

Would it be divorce? Not sure. It would depend on the response to being called out on it, and if there were other issues in the marriage.

We have borrowed from the kids and paid back before, but depends on what 'bills needed paying' means. If it comes to keeping a roof over heads/food on table there is no point in money sitting in an account unused as long as it gets put back.

Doesn't necessarily sound like he intended on paying back though, and the lack of conversation around it makes it sound sneaky.

Accounts were opened by him, he was "Child" Account care of Mr Husband.

Quite simply there is no remorse. The accounts were cleared systematically, just a few days after funds were put in. Wife was not informed. This seems also to have been the tip of the financial lies iceberg. @Huck - you seem to have experience?

It’s stealing. Although tbf I have always said that if it came down to us not being able to pay the mortgage then the kids accounts would be emptied as a last resort to keep a roof over their heads. But that would have been a joint decision when we had no other option.

Of course it's stealing, I'd go fucking ballistic.

So he took the money days after it was deposited? Bills my arse. There’s more going on here than he’s letting on.

He sounds like my ExH. I found out one lie about finances that he showed no remorse for, and continued to lie about. Then I discovered more and more, which he continued to lie about. Nope. I left him.

I've felt guilty borrowing £1 out kids money box to pay for milk never mind touching their bank accounts

@NukaColaGirl was there a gambling problem?

Stealing and yes I'd divorce for it. Things would have to be in dire straights for he to ever touch the children's savings. They don't belong to me even though I gave it them all.

Yes definitely!!
The money in my kids accounts I’d never touch unless it was an absolute last resort.
I do however owe them Christmas and birthday money which I’ve yet to pay back 🙈
I will though, just had a little bonus and will be transferring the money to them.
Owe ds about £130 and dd about £60 🙈

Yes I’d divorce for it; not mine or my husbands money and not given for that purpose

Ah yes, that's very different.

It's stealing, bills my arse.

Yes that stealing. The money was given for a purpose. He can also expect to lose contact with his kids over this.

It's stealing, if it was a one off financial crisis and they had talked about using the money to keep a roof over DCs heads, that's a different scenario. This is sneaky. Also how does his wife not know what they've got coming in and going out, surely she'd know about any shortfall if they were struggling or is he really spending it on gambling, drugs, prostitutes etc?

Money was given directly to the kids, this is stealing. I agree with other posters who have said in extremis they would borrow from kids but that should have been a shared decision with your friend.

Divorce for me. Lies about money are an absolute dealbreaker.

I think if there had been a discussion and a joint decision made, she wouldn't have hit the roof quite so hard. But there never was, it was all done secretively. I'm not sure she can see a way back from this - marriage vows are trust and honour (and obey if you decide to), aren't they?

I'd need more info.

You say he spent the money on bills. If it was this or no roof over their head, or no food or heating, then he did the right thing. The question is why didn't she know they were so short of money and how did she think the bills were being paid?

If he's been squandering the money that's different. But it seems like a total lack of communication in this marriage and a lack of financial interest from the wife, from what's posted. So for me, until you give more detail. The fault could well be on both sides.

a discussion needs to be had.but divorce.really?
it of course depends on why.and how he see what hes done.he could be a noggin who thought he really was doignthe right thing to keep his family housed,fed etc.
or is a squandering and thinks nothing of then spending kids money too.
there are too many unknowns here but id like to think a marriage would work through this together if its simply one parent trying to do the best for the family and saw no other option.but there would also then need to be how to rectify and pay it back in etc

Yes, that is stealing from the children. Totally not on :-(