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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU bloody “dog people”

711 replies

mumof2exhausted · 03/06/2018 17:05

Ok so I know there are some decent, responsible dog people out there but AIBU to say that there are some absolute arseholes who genuinely don’t seem to understand that not everyone loves dogs?? My 4 year old was recently bitten by a random dog so understandably is little nervous around them. A huge dog has just ran after him in the park (double the size of him) and he was petrified. Dog obviously thought he was playing game of chase. I don’t blame the dogs, I blame the owners. They didn’t call him off immediately just laughed and shouted “oh he’s just being friendly”. This happens all the time. Another big dog jumped up and pushed over my 2 year old couple of weeks ago. And no sorry or anything. Again a “he’s just being friendly ha ha” and off they walked without so much as a backwards glance to check my crying 2 year old was ok. I don’t have a dog but if I did and this happened I would be mortified and would apologise immediately and dog would go straight on a lead. Nearly lost my shit today with the owners but honestly don’t think they would have even cared.

OP posts:
SharkSave · 06/06/2018 03:31

I love all the 'Oh get a dog, that'll cure their fear' business.
I have neither the time or inclination to do that!
I think people also forget the size difference between your average toddler and dog (i.e none). Would an adult not recoil if another adult ran straight at them, unprovoked and stood nose to nose with them? I know I bloody would!
@aaronburr your DC sounds very similar to mine, will warm up to known dogs (takes a while) but is scared in public.

aaronburr · 06/06/2018 07:14

Again - No. Responsible dog owners would rather keep well away from a distressed child. They wouldn't want to put their dog or the child in a, seemingly, threatening position.

in my experience this simply isn't true, so can only assume that the vast majority of dog owners are not responsible.

Most people do not keep well away from my obviously extremely distressed child. The most common reaction is the "he won't hurt you" spiel.

Second to that are the arseholes, plenty of them. They let their dog off lead come up to DD who is literally screaming.

People who move away are so few and far between that I remember the specific incidents that happens and fall over myself with gratitude to them.

I'm afraid that most owners are shits so it's hard not to tar all with the same brush.

Newerversion · 06/06/2018 07:28

I think we must live in a great place as even before we had our dog (he is not a year old yet) I never experienced that many out of control dogs in public. I wonder if the fact we have loads of great woods is the difference? I think dog walkers tend to head there and you very rarely see anyone without a dog out there. Our local parks seem to stay pretty dog free.

rogueone · 06/06/2018 07:45

Dog owners are in the main irresponsible from my experience. Our local park has designated on lead areas. Dog owners ignore that and leave there dog off lead. This is where the picnic areas are and play area for the DC. You wouldn't know if the dogs had recall or not as the owners are usually laughing as their dog is running up to people or drooling on a buggy. They seem shocked when an angry parent tells them off and head off muttering as they don't think they are wrong, 'DC' shouldn't have fears of dogs and therefore immediately removing any responsibility from themselves. I see many dogs jumping on people and and DC and owners shouting he is just a puppy. We were staying in a cottage and our friends arrived before us and were greeted by the owners dog jumping on their white trousers. Again owner laughing. My own dog was attacked when on the lead by two off lead dogs and the owner didn't apologise took her dogs and went off muttering. A friends son had his ice cream removed from his hand by a large dog and the owner laughed and didn't offer to buy another. His DM lost the plot. Very few owners appear truly sorry. I am a reluctant dog owner, hate them begging, slobbering and the smell, mine does smell btw as he also has allergies and requires weekly washes. (DC and OH wanted one, he is now my dog) If we had responsible dog owners and well behaved dogs off the lead we may have less terrified children!

Wolfiefan · 06/06/2018 07:46

Most owners are shits.
Nice.
My dog won't approach strangers.
She is well behaved and bothers no one off lead.
I'm not a shit. But thanks.

aaronburr · 06/06/2018 07:47

@Wolfiefan I said most not all.

You're one of the responsible ones who makes my life easier.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 06/06/2018 07:55

When I tell someone "He won't even look at you" say it because I know he won't do it. He's not at all interested in you or in your child. He has his nose stuck to the ground and has fun sniffing. He's just not arsed about you.

If I see someone is distressed I lead the dog away or get him by the collar if we are in a off lead area, but it would help the child if the parent would also react sensible, instead of having a screaming fit.

It would also help if parents would watch their children and make them ask before coming to pet the dogs or to wave sticks in their faces.

I have had children hitting my dogs with a stick and saying "Bad dog" and the parents not doing a thing.

It's a two way street.

Mymycherrypie · 06/06/2018 08:13

I'm afraid that most owners are shits so it's hard not to tar all with the same brush.

Exactly. I start off on the basis that all dogs are face eating maniacs waiting for the opportunity to chew my child or shit on me, and they work their way up to a position of semi-trust. I don’t automatically assume they are all good. Same with humans really!

itstimeforanamechange · 06/06/2018 08:19

Just go to back to the point about guide dogs. Guide dogs are well trained and do a job. They do not hassle other people. They sit quietly. There is a big difference between having the occasional guide dog in a shop/eating place and having most of the local area's badly trained pets. I'm not that keen on having cats coming round when you're say eating in a pub either, but they tend to be less intrusive and anyway they sleep most of the time.

I really hope that this craze for dogs ends soon.

angryburd · 06/06/2018 10:29

People have kept dogs for centuries so I wouldn't hold your breath.

rosylea · 06/06/2018 20:41

I have had children hitting my dogs with a stick and saying "Bad dog" and the parents not doing a thing. Why not dog walk in child free areas then? I'm sure you'll find somewhere. Or keep your dogs WELL away from children? Simple!

crazycatgal · 06/06/2018 21:20

@rosylea What's a 'child free' area? And how can you keep away from children if there's one path. A child hitting a dog for no reason is in the wrong and it's stupid to think otherwise.

Newerversion · 06/06/2018 21:24

Do child free areas exist?

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 06/06/2018 22:16

I am keeping them well away from the children’s playground.

What else do you want me to do?

A park is for all.

Is it ok for a child to hit dogs with a stick?

Waddlelikeapenguin · 06/06/2018 22:19

YANBU
I now say loudly to the owner please keep your dog under control & to the being friendly crap I say we have no reason to know that & you'd probably be wary of a strange dog running at you if it was head height to you.
Makes some of them think, makes some of them swear at me!

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 06/06/2018 22:45

Child free areas. What a good idea.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 06/06/2018 22:48

I'd pay good money to gain access to a park with no children but lots of dogs

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 06/06/2018 23:16

Oh Lord! Me too @Avocados.

stayathomer · 06/06/2018 23:25

Mil, Bil and Sil once had a conversation about how cruel people were talking about having a dog (not theirs) put down just because he tried to 'nip' a child. They said 'if our dog bit one of your children you'd know it was out of character and there was something wrong with him, wouldn't you? You wouldn't have him put down.' DH said that if he bit one of our kids he'd find a way to shoot him himself. They were all disgusted and said we were ridiculous and that dogs are like people, they can have bad days tooConfused

Wolfiefan · 06/06/2018 23:25

I want to buy a field. Or an arboretum.
We would invite all the non shitty dog owners (who picked up shit!) with friendly dogs and just let the buggers run free.
Just need to win the lottery!

Slanetylor · 06/06/2018 23:49

There’s a few parks near me where dogs can run off leash in a fenced off area. There’s no dog free areas though.

KERALA1 · 07/06/2018 08:10

Stay my father instinctively kicked out at a little dog that went to nip my toddler sister who was strapped into a pushchair in a small shop. It didn't go down well...

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 07/06/2018 09:02

Mil, Bil and Sil once had a conversation about how cruel people were talking about having a dog (not theirs) put down just because he tried to 'nip' a child. They said 'if our dog bit one of your children you'd know it was out of character and there was something wrong with him, wouldn't you? You wouldn't have him put down.' DH said that if he bit one of our kids he'd find a way to shoot him himself. They were all disgusted and said we were ridiculous and that dogs are like people, they can have bad days too

It would depend on the context - particularly

  • had the child been winding the dog up and/or ignoring "fuck off" signals like a growl (child's fault)
  • were the child and the dog previously engaged in boisterous play and the dog got overexcited (adult's fault; should have been better supervised)
  • was the dog in pain or not (needs a vet visit to confirm, if so out of character)
  • how old is the dog (young puppies are inherently mouthy / bitey and that's in their nature; they do learn)
  • did the dog launch itself across a room and bite a child (clearly not safe to be around children)
  • if it happened out in public, and there were no children at home (a muzzle would be a more proportionate response)
  • could the dog be rehomed to a child free household
  • was there prior history of unprovoked or serious attacks

In many, but not all, cases of a dog biting a child putting the dog down IS disproportionate. When I was young there were a couple of times when I wound the family dog up a bit too much and got a mild bite. No sympathy from my parents - it was entirely my own fault, and I knew it.

stayathomer · 07/06/2018 22:46

Kerala as you would, that's terrible!:(

yolofish · 07/06/2018 23:16

my worst dog owning experience: my rescue lab, a few months after we had him from a home where he had no training at all, so I guess he was about 15 mths by then and doing really really well. Took him on our dog friendly beach, with my teens. We were walking in parallel with a teenage boy (14?) and his mum, dog wandered towards the boy, and the mum shrieked 'omg darling, its a dog, run!' My dog, used to running around with kids and teens, thought it was a game; the mum and boy were hysterical. I do appreciate their fear, but honestly, run darling run was the worst possible instruction; why not teach your (really quite big) child to stand still and not flap his arms about? Stupid parenting in my view.