Was I mean to “gloat” at someone’s failure?

[strawberrysorbets]

I’m feeling guilty. I’d had a glass or two of wine to be fair.

Back story:

Met a woman during an interview process a few years back. She was quite dismissive of me due to my working class back ground and due to the area I came from. She was super confident and thought she was a dead set for the job. Anyways, we saw each other a few times in the application process and always sensed a snooty attitude. After I got knocked out of the process (aka rejected) she sent me a snobby message and then proceeded to block me on facebook. (Silly I know, but at the time it was nice to be able to discuss the application process with). I’d later heard she’d said things such as me never having a chance.

Well turns out she was rejected from the next stage too and then failed her academic requirement so settled for a much lower job elsewhere.

As it happens, a friend works for that company and said how much of a horrible woman she was to her. The woman even wrote an entire blog about how it’s not her fault she failed ! Plus how she hated everyone she met.

OK I thought, leave her behind in the past.

Then I was travelling through central London and who appears in my carriage. Said woman.

I couldn’t resist going to chat to her. I asked her how she was doing; knowing she didn’t get in and then told her that her current job was “decent.” Then proceeded to tell her that I’d re-applied and got in; one of the strongest applicant from hundreds.

I feel like such a bitch for gloating in her misery.

Yes it was mean. It was a few years ago & she might have changed. Even if she hadn't, you've just lowered yourself to her standards.

I do think it's mean to purposefully gloat or point out others misfortune. Even if said person was not always kind to others.

Sometimes being the bigger person is the best and kindest thing to do. I don't like to hurt other peoples feelings, regardless of what their personality is like.

hehe I don't blame you

Yes it was mean.

The problem is that she won't necessarily be able to connect your gloating to her previous behaviour. She'll just think you're the same as her. I wouldn't have been able to resist either tho

if she gets a better job or whatever and randomly sees you would she be ok to come up to you condesend your job and rub your face in it?

And how do you know shes misrable?

Yes you were mean.

It’s one thing to chat about how your lives have turned out.

To do so to deliberately rub her face in her perceived shortcomings was childish and unkind.

Having said that... probaly would of done it too

I would not have spoken to her unless she spoke to me. Too much water under the bridge, you've both moved, leave the past in the past....

No, I would not have gloated.

Nah she treated youbadly you had your nano second of smugness no it isn't kind to gloat but meh we are not perfect bet we all have secretly gloated at something, s he sounds a miserable moo the blog bleating itsnotfair was a bit much.

You should always be kind. You should never make yourself feel good by making someone else feel bad. You should learn better social skills.

Yes you were mean. You both sound very insecure.

Bah re meanness. She had it coming. Well played

You didn't really gloat though, just told her you'd been successful the second time. Loads of jobs are like that, you have almost no chance the first time you apply and the second time it's easier. She could apply again and have the same thing happen.

You sound a little obsessed with someone you clearly didn't get on with from the get go. Odd.

She probably just thinks you're a bit pathetic, coming over to her under the influence after she made it clear years ago that she doesn't want to know you, and trying to big yourself up with a cringy remark about being one of the strongest applicants blah blah blah.

You have no idea what's happening in her life, and I doubt she cares what's happening in yours. It sounds from your version of events like she was not terribly nice back then, but a lot of what you say is down to your perception of her motivations and thoughts. Grow up and move on, maybe?

If you felt compelled to do that and then post on here it doesn't say anything very positive about you really.

Oh dear OP. Revenge makes your soul sticky. Do a good deed to make up for it.

The best revenge is a life well lived.

You've been harbouring this for "a few years". You don't sound much better than her tbh.

She had no self esteem. People who act like her never do. I don’t blame you though OP

pride comes before a a fall, op.The other woman has found that out- but you would do well to think on it too!

Pride comes before a fall. Rubbing someone's face in it is never cool. Because one day it could be you.

Watch from 3:50- that is what i envision here op

I wonder what the intention of this post was.

If it was genuinely just to ask if what you did was mean I imagine a simple summary of the situation would have sufficed.

But the level of detail you go into suggests you really want everyone here to fully understand how much better you are/came out of things then her. Like you want to show off a little bit more.

Yes, it’s mean. It’s fine to feel a bit pleased that you’ve done well and karma took care of her, but to make a beeline to speak to someone you dislike and take such glee in making sure she knows how very well you’ve done? Bit pathetic tbh.

She’ll have seen it a mile off btw and just be laughing at how insecure you are, and how much she successfully got to you back then.

@VladmirsPoutine

You've been harbouring this for "a few years". You don't sound much better than her tbh.

When you've been looked down on and patronised you do tend to harbour a grudge.