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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I mean to “gloat” at someone’s failure?

80 replies

strawberrysorbets · 03/06/2018 12:19

I’m feeling guilty. I’d had a glass or two of wine to be fair.

Back story:

Met a woman during an interview process a few years back. She was quite dismissive of me due to my working class back ground and due to the area I came from. She was super confident and thought she was a dead set for the job. Anyways, we saw each other a few times in the application process and always sensed a snooty attitude. After I got knocked out of the process (aka rejected) she sent me a snobby message and then proceeded to block me on facebook. (Silly I know, but at the time it was nice to be able to discuss the application process with). I’d later heard she’d said things such as me never having a chance.

Well turns out she was rejected from the next stage too and then failed her academic requirement so settled for a much lower job elsewhere.

As it happens, a friend works for that company and said how much of a horrible woman she was to her. The woman even wrote an entire blog about how it’s not her fault she failed ! Plus how she hated everyone she met.

OK I thought, leave her behind in the past.

Then I was travelling through central London and who appears in my carriage. Said woman.

I couldn’t resist going to chat to her. I asked her how she was doing; knowing she didn’t get in and then told her that her current job was “decent.” Then proceeded to tell her that I’d re-applied and got in; one of the strongest applicant from hundreds.

I feel like such a bitch for gloating in her misery.

OP posts:
opinionatedfreak · 03/06/2018 12:39

That was mean. One of my best work friends is the person who applied against me for my job didn't get it but did after a reapplication.

She is a great colleague even if it was a bit odd at first.

boilerhouse2007 · 03/06/2018 12:42

''You sound a little obsessed with someone you clearly didn't get on with from the get go. Odd.''

Not really, no-that is very common. It is usually the people we hate or the people we feel that have wronged us have the biggest impact in our lives and we dwell on them. As the proverb says:
People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

Original poster
strawberrysorbets · 03/06/2018 12:43

It really wasn’t in my character to do so.

It was chit-chat not me just blurting it out to her! I’m not that un-subtle.

I think you’re right, I shouldn’t have done so.

But sometimes some people just get to you, so they do stick in mind for a year or two. I’d probably have forgotten about her if said friend hadnt said about her

OP posts:
Cindie943811A · 03/06/2018 12:43

Your behaviour OP is only human. At least you only confronted the woman concerned. She attempted to publicly humiliate you.
I hope you now have closure. The fact that you feel uneasy about what you did means you are not heartless

shinycat · 03/06/2018 12:45

Yeah it was mean and catty and bitchy. SHAME on you! Hmm

I would have done the same though. Grin

hmcAsWas · 03/06/2018 12:46

Don't be swayed by the virtue signallers on here OP, you were fine

madcatladyforever · 03/06/2018 12:46

It's an absolutely dreadful thing to do, you should be ashamed........I'd have done the same lol

Candlelight123 · 03/06/2018 12:46

I Don't blame you tbh

JustGettingStarted · 03/06/2018 12:48

I'd love to know what her snobby message to you was. And I'll bet her blog was funny.

The pious previous posters are silly.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2018 12:48

Your post is weird though because your terminology is off. You say a friend works for "that company" . That's not what someone says if they too work for them.

Were you a bit drunk and making it up, you also don't work for them, you were not the strongest applicant out of hundreds, you just wanted to make her feel like shit so lied to her?.

JacquesHammer · 03/06/2018 12:51

The pious previous posters are silly

Silly for not wasting energy on people who give me the smallest of slights?

Meh, I’d rather be pious and silly then than stew over people’s behaviour long enough to want to gloat at them Grin

OliviaStabler · 03/06/2018 12:54

It wasn't very kind of you. Surely it was enough to know inside she failed after being a dick, you didn't have to point it out to her.

Or maybe her comments hit a bit too close to home for you.

boilerhouse2007 · 03/06/2018 12:54

''She’ll have seen it a mile off btw and just be laughing at how insecure you are, and how much she successfully got to you back then.''
Actually no, as another poster said she will not be able to connect the comment to her past behaviour. Simply because when we offend people or being perceived to be acting horribly/mean by others we do not necessarily see the behaviour in ourselves so she very well be utterly confused as to why you attacked her.
Also it appears the op has an issue with her 'working class roots',- it could well be you making an issue of this op as you feel you have something to prove and then when somebody else makes a reference to it you get all 'offended' and go on a rampage. Reminds me very much of Cheryl Cole who never shuts up about her working class background and how her estate was full of drugs and unemployment yet when she thought somebody else said the same thing which she said herself a million times she oddly gets the hump...Really just don't mention your working class background and that way you won't be getting offended.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2018 12:54

I think Bluntless might have it right.

Either way, you both sound really childish.

Nikephorus · 03/06/2018 12:55

Don't be swayed by the virtue signallers on here OP, you were fine
Er, no, actually some of us do really think that it was a shit thing to do.

TrudeauGirl · 03/06/2018 12:59

Don't be swayed by the virtue signallers on here OP, you were fine

Being kind is now being a virtue signaller? Interesting...

Regardless of her past actions a couple of years back, the nice thing to do is move past it and not boast.

I'm not implying you're a mean person OP but the gloating was mean at the time, but everyone's human.

HollyGibney · 03/06/2018 13:02

Meh! I probably wouldn't have rubbed it in like that but I certainly enjoy a smirk when things go wrong for unpleasant people. It's one life life's small pleasures hearing that people have got their comeuppance.

MrsJayy · 03/06/2018 13:09

Some people just get under your skin and of course taking the high ground and kind is what we should always do but just sometimes ....

PeapodBurgundy · 03/06/2018 13:10

Yes I think it was mean.

That being said, I couldn't say I wouldn't have done the same. I try to be a decent human being most of the time. Sometimes I fail, other times I don't even try if I'm at my tolerance limit. We're all human, nobody is perfect the whole time. (Not justifying mine or anyone else's horrible behaviour, just pointing out an element of human nature).

I'd stop dwelling on it OP, I doubt she did when she hurt your feelings. Move on with your life and enjoy your job.

Holyyayzuz · 03/06/2018 13:14

I think you did the right thing! I would have done the same and enjoyed the gloating Smile

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/06/2018 13:15

Did you actually get that job, or did you just tell her so? Not clear from your OP.

Either way, you have nothing to gloat about and all you've done is bring yourself to her level. If that's 'well played', the game's not worth anything.

daisychain01 · 03/06/2018 13:15

Interesting story.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 03/06/2018 13:17

Yes It was mean but I'd have done the same.

rosesandflowers · 03/06/2018 13:17

I mean, it wasn't the best thing to do and could have made her feel really down if she is very unhappy with her current position. It seems she's very insecure. It wasn't kind.

However, it was very human and I can imagine the urge to do it was strong. Obviously if you're posting on here then you do have a guilty conscience of some sort.

I'd drop it from your mind - nothing you can do. If you see her again, be kind.

RedForFilth · 03/06/2018 13:17

Well you lost all moral high ground imo. Two wrongs don't make a right and you look a bit desperate to impress her now.

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